[awayandalone]

So haven't updated in a while and I think I can finally say things are looking up and I'm doing things for myself. Ive realized all the hurt it causes when I break contact and talk to her again and again. Its not worth the pain and the past talks I had with her really proved to me she is NOT worth my time anymore.
Recently got a gym membership and have been feeling great, bought a juicer on top of that and the great feeling I've been getting from all the fresh fruits and vegetables is an amazing feeling.
For the past few days I had been getting messages from her and ignoring them but seeing her number always brought about that sinking feeling even if the message was something stupid. So I have taken the initiative to change my number, my email, and block her from all aspects of my life and it feels liberating, as in I know longer feel worried about waking to a text from her during the day.
Also celebrated my birthday this past weekend and finally get out with my friends and just having a great night! Was an awesome feeling!
I've been out and about looking for bartending jobs to do more with my time and make some extra cash plus have fun while doing it.
all in all I these past few days have looked better than the entire past two months since the break up. Actually at this point its weird to say its only been a little over 2 months since we broke up because it for one feels like so much longer and I know longer find myself randomly crying over her for no given reason. I still feel sad from time to time when I think about the good times we had, but no longer like I used to feel a few weeks ago. I hope this good feeling continues and grows. I feel so good in fact that doubts I had about wishing her a happy thanksgiving are completely gone because well why would I wish someone a good day who has hurt me so much in the past few months.
Want to wish everyone on here a great and happy Thanksgiving and have a safe holiday weekend. Everyone has been so helpful as always.

[pandead]

Amen to that!
Whew, finally :)

[Just Looking]

I just got back from celebrating Thanksgiving and was catching up on some old posts. You are doing so well. It really sounds like the light has come on and you are moving forward. I'm glad to hear it.

[Homegirl 50]

You are doing very well.
I'm happy for you.

[awayandalone]

Thanks all. Still have days that are tough to get through. But I am feeling so much better now. Finally starting to realize I've actually done and accomplished things in the past 2 months that I know I never would have done if I were still with her and it makes me proud to say that. My only regret is not listening to the advice of NC seriously from the get go and letting go of false hope right away. But alas as I've learned from here we do truly live, learn, and grow, and I can say I am thankful for what I've learned.
I hope my thread shows future readers the pain of breaking nc and how important it is to stick with it. As much love as you can have for someone, it is easier to let that love go than to keep fighting for them it gets you know where and they don't deserve it especially when they break up with you for no real reason, as my ex did.
Thanks again everyone. Have a safe holiday season and Merry Christmas! =D

[louie811]

I've been in the same situation, apart from it was me that did what your ex did. I was with a guy for 3 years and he was away all the time. We got together when we were 18 and made it work and it was great, but all of a sudden, like your ex, my feelings changed. There's no way to explain, something just clicked and I realised I wasn't happy. I know your hurting and confused but you need to stop questioning her every move and just accept it.
We all go through heartbreak and its aweful and destroying but you can't let it eat you up. Yes she will meet someone else, but you will too. My suggestion is get rid of every memory - photos, videos, letters etc and start afresh. I don't mean burn them or anything (unless that makes you feel better) but put them away in a box or something, out of sight out of mind. You probably will go back through them all at some point - I did, but as time goes on you'll realise you become less dependent on what's inside the box until one day you'll be able to just throw them away or just not care what's inside anymore. It might take months but you need to learn how to move on

[awayandalone]

Louie thank you for yor input on the other side of things.
Other than him being away from time to time were there other things that happened, such as fighting often or him being controlling? Me and my ex had our minimal fights but when we realized our differences we always seemed so much happier after and things were great. We never had recurring fights like over the same stupid topic again and again as some people do with no resolve.
Or if it was you truly had your feelings change as my exs seem to, do you think it would ever be possible for you to give him another chance or have you completely removed him from your life and are you happier for it?
After our break up she sent me many mixed signals and lots of false hope. Which I know was my own fault in part for probably reading too much into her messages. Its been so confusing.
I did do what you said a long time ago, I've had everything in a box and out of sight and out of mind. I've finally blocked everyway she can contact me that I can think of. I am slowly taking the steps necessary to heal myself, no longer contacting, trying to not think about what she is doing or who she is with, I've been working out, taken on new challenges, and trying to better myself. I finally feel better about being without her, but in combination of being away from home on top of the break up, I do face loneliness often but that is a whole nother battle in itself..
Thank you for your input. Hope to hear back on the questions I asked.

[louie811]

We didn't argue a lot really, but looking back he was quite controlling but I wasn't perfect either, with him being away I would get quite paranoid, need a lot of reassurance at times but overall things were OK.
I started a new job and met new people and that opened my eyes abit. They were shocked at how I would hang off every word he said,never went out, wait by the phone etc so they changed me abit, don't know if that was good or bad but I certainly don't regret anything.
I never questioned getting back with him, I knew it wouldn't be right and I made sure he knew that, I didn't want to give him any false hope, maybe I was abit too harsh with him especially when he couldn't seem to let go. We met up for a drink to talk things through, he got upset but I felt nothing. I'm not a heartless person and I can't explain how things suddenly changed but I knew that was it, just felt it. We broke up when I was 22 and I'm 26 now and I've never spoken to him since.

[awayandalone]

Wow that's kind of scary how similar it sounds to things my ex said. She said she felt trapped, but not by me, I never told her to not go out or wait for my calls, a simple let me know when your home safe. So I hope I wasn't controlling in that sense. But she did become friends with an old friend from high school who she admitted to telling her to break up with me or cheat on me a lot and I wonder if that played a role. We too met up once for lunch I did my best to maintain my composure and did until she started crying and came and held me. Then I couldn't hold back and told her how much I missed her. She did though tell me on occasion she doesn't want to give me false hope. Guess I fed it to myself. I hope after 4 years I might be able to talk to her again but I have so much love for her I know it would be hard to do.
It hurt me the most that she rebounded to some guy that looked like me only the day after we broke up. Really pissed me off, in a way it still does but I know I'm better off not caring anymore. The hardest thing I'm now dealing with is simply being alone, not because she broke up with me, but because I'm doing this internship 800 miles away from everyone I know and I've made a few friends here and there but it doesn't feel the same as the friends I have back home.
Sorry to kind of rant there.
Thanks for your insight helps a lot, and shows me maybe her mind really did change in a matter of 24 hours. O well, ill keep telling myself its her loss.

[louie811]

You're coping really well with it and perhaps being away will help you to deal with it abit better. In time it'll start to get easier and you sound like a lovely guy and will meet someone special, just don't let this setback taint everything. Me and my ex have some mutual friends and I've heard he now has a little baby and is engaged, so even when it feels like there's no hope, it'll all get better in the end I promise. Stay strong and keep writing posts of how you're doing and hope you have a good christmas x

[awayandalone]

Doing the best I can to cope. Each day gets easier and I realize how much better I can make myself without the ties of a relationship. I don't think this will stain me, least I hope not, I know its only been a short time since our break up but in that short time I've come to understand how much potential I have to pursue a great future and one day find someone who loves me as much as I love them. Im glad he and you were both able to find happiness then and with that know that I am not completely at a loss. That if I stay true to the good natured guy I have tried to become that one day I will meet a girl who loves the good guy I try to be.
Thanks louie. I hope you have a good christmas as well. You've really taught me a lot in your posts. You sound like a great person. That's why I enjoy this site so much so many wonderful caring people willing to help others with kind words and experiences that show there are better things down the line. Thank you!

[awayandalone]

Im very afraid right now and not sure who to turn too and I hope anyone on here might be able to give clarity to my situation. Im going to try and describe it as best I can, but if it sounds confusing please ask for clarity and Ill do my best to explain better. I really need someone's help. In advance I am sorry this is so long but I really hope someone can help me PLEASE! :/ Tal I could really use your help if your still following my thread. Thanks

So as a said a few weeks ago I have blocked everything from my haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks now and still haven't. She does have a new boyfriend now and from seeing his pics he looked like a sketchy guy but I know its not my problem or anything to worry about. I just let it go and continued working on me.
Well maybe a week ago now I get a message online from a random girl, basically asking how am I coping with this break up, how do I handle knowing she's with another guy. I responded with by using NC and just trying to forget her and move on, and asked who this girl was. Turns out she is the Ex girlfriend of the new guy my ex girlfriend is now dating. I have no idea how she figured out who I was or found me on Facebook, as I had blocked my ex's page, her friends pages, and her new guys page.
So this girl starts talking to me and tells me all kinds of things some emotional some factual about this guy, feeling bad and knowing what she is going through I offered my condolences and explained it will get better. We messaged back in forth for a while sharing feelings on the situation. Our distaste in each of them for betraying our love in them. The hurt we are going through. Basically, I shared some deep feelings on it I haven't shared with close friends. In a way I did see her as potentially being a friend as she knows exactly the situation I am going through. Some of the things she tells me is that, this guy and her dated for 4 years, they were engaged for 6 months, he dated her and my ex for 2-3 1/2 months (she knows this as she has been talking to my ex, and it also means my ex lied to me about when she met him), he still wears the ring around my ex, told my ex he still loves his ex, and to top it off he was arrested a year ago on some very serious internet porn charges (900 count) he was released on bail and has trial coming up for it.
Well taking all of that in, I've began to wonder why the hell my ex is still dating him then. I understand it is not my problem and frankly I do not care if she gets hurt by it all, in a way I kind of would like to see her feel some pain (evil sounding I know, but at the same time she was someone I felt was right for me and broke my heart) I am confused because she broke up with the guy before me for smoking pot(she and this guy smoke together), for cheating on her(this guy clearly cheated on his girlfriend for 2 months with her), for leaving the room to go watch porn(this guy is going to trial for that), for not committing to their relationship(this guy was committed at one point if they were engaged and he broke that). So I am really trying to wrap my head around what makes this guy so great to her to stay with him. My confidence went up knowing all of this because it proved to me at least from what I've heard that she definitely down graded from me and I am the better guy.

So now you might be thinking why didn't I just block this girl along with everyone else. Well funny thing is, I did. I said thank you for telling me that info but I need to distance myself from the situation and heal from this break up and that she needs to do the same. Then I blocked her.

Here is where things get interesting (if you don't think they are already) 2 days ago I get a text from a number I do not know saying I need to be careful this guy looks like me and might try anything to stay out of jail.(from the few pictures I saw he does have a close resemblance to me. Kind of bothered me in a way at first but you'll see why it now bothers me more) If you didn't guess it already it was this girl again. She claims she really needs a friend to talk to to get over this situation. So feeling her pain I agreed to try and be her friend. Here's how our conversations went.
Her: What High school did you go to.
Me: *my high school* where did you go? (no red flags as I thought she wanted to get to know me better
Her: *her high school* where do your parents live?
Me: *my town name, and a few towns near by* Where do you live? (I did not disclose exact address the town name)
Her: What is your middle name? (this sent a red flag as she did not even answer my question)
Me: lol I don't like my middle name so I don't feel like sharing it.
Her: Have too what letter does it start with? (now I feel uncomfortable)
Me: Listen I want to trust you and be friends, but you mentioned stealing my identity. How know you are not talking to him still to tell him this information. These are very specific questions.
Her: Im not talking to him its just my mom is very protective and wants to make sure you aren't a 40 year old creeper if I were to ever meet you.
Me: Your mom can rest assured that I am not such and if we ever did meet I would be happy to come by your house first and let your mom meet me.
Her: I'll ask her to stop asking questions. Did you play any sports in high school?
Me: Thanks. Yes I played baseball for 15 years and ran track for 5. How about you?
Her: Is your moms name *my moms name*?

So by that point I am now pissed and panicked, somehow without me disclosing it she knows my moms name. This makes me wonder what other information has she uncovered without me knowing it.

Me: umm yes, but that is leading back into this very intense investigation and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable.
Her: I'm sorry. I didn't play sports but I did play trumpet in the band. *my name's* dads name is *my dads name*.

I don't know if that last part was supposed to be in the message or go to someone else but she now knows my dads name as well. So I've determined she knows my high school, my town, my parents names, at least my first and last name and maybe my middle. If she figured out my parents she might have my address, she has my cell number.
This is where I need someone's help PLEASEEE, is that information enough to possibly steal my identity should she still be talking to this guy?? I have talked to anyone yet, not my ex to find out if she knows any of this about this guy she's dating, and my parents had gone to bed by the end of this conversation with her so I haven't said anything to them yet. I know the trial and arrest are true things as I researched it and found several news articles containing the same information with the guys name and where he's from.
This whole situation has gotten so much more messed up than a break up now. I just wanted to heal and forget about her, but now if my identity should get stolen I feel it will undoubtedly haunt me the rest of my life.
Please I need advice what would you do in my situation? Should I call the police in my home town? Should I ask my ex if she is aware of any of this herself? Anything will be very helpful and appreciative. Thank you for responding if you read all of this.

[talaniman]

You don't need to contact the ex to protect your identity. Just keep tabs on yourself through credit reports. Its simple, and an easy thing to to to keep up with yourself and what's been done under your name. If there is something to investigate, get the facts before you run to the cops or anyone else. That's probably a good idea to keep tabs on yourself whether this new fellow is a criminal or not.

The bigger issue to pay attention to is, how you are reacting to these things that this ex of your exes new boyfriend is feeding you. Not to far fetched to say she may have an agenda that requires you to start some type of crap with your ex to make things uncomfortable for her ex. After all, you only have her word for things and very little facts on your own. This new drama is not worth getting excited about, and no way should you swallow the story of a stranger, or let her plant seeds of doubt or concern, in your head.

Nor do you need to keep old feelings stirred up talking to this female, and constantly comparing yourself with the new guy. How does that help either of you?

should she still be talking to this guy??

None of your business!! Get your own facts, and protect yourself, not only from anyone stealing your identity, to being manipulated, by people with their own agenda.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Away, I am sorry that I don't have the time to read this entire thread. Regarding your last post, I agree with T-man. Right now there is nothing the police can or will do. As long as this other person doesn't have your SS#, you should be okay but it might be worth subscribing to the credit reporting agencies and track your reports as T-man suggests.

I just wanted to add some food for thought on something that struck me while reading this last post of yours. I kept getting this feeling that this "ex gf" of the current boyfriend might be not be who you believe "she" is. Since you blocked everyone connected to the situation, he might be doing the contacting himself or manipulating someone else to do it for him. In any event, if it is someone else or if it really is his "ex", one thing stands out: this person is very unstable and you need to completely stop responding to anyone you don't know (now and in the future). This current scare should drive home the fact that you cannot trust any strangers. T-man is absolutely right on target and you really should focus on what he has written here: "protect yourself, not only from anyone stealing your identity, to being manipulated, by people with their own agenda".

Regarding the situation with your ex-gf... you need to stop allowing other people to keep you from moving on with your life. As long as you keep talking to anyone about your ex and her current boyfriend, you will continue to be stuck in a rut.

To answer your last question: You should in no way contact your ex-gf to find out "if she is aware of any of this herself." It won't shed any new light on this current situation and you will be taking one step backward in the healing process. She has made the decision to be with him and not you. From her point of view whatever you say to her will sound like a jealous "ex" whining. For your own sake, please, just leave it alone. If she gets hurt down the road, that is her problem to deal with. You need to focus on you and move past this relationship. Get out with your friends. Spend time with your family. Do some fun things that will start to create your own memories of good times without the ex attached to them. It is the holiday season so go to as many parties and gatherings as you can. Don't be alone.

[Homegirl 50]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.



Keep tabs on your business and leave this other mess alone. Stop conversing with people you don't know.

[awayandalone]

So just to update. I believe I have taken care of everything with the potential for this guy to steal my identity. Went and talked to the local police and got information on how to protect myself. Signed up for fraud monitoring on my accounts and a few other things. So hopefully all is taken care of.

Now to how I'm doing. I keep taking the steps to move forward and live a life I love. I have worked out and honestly gotten in great shape, focused on my internship, actually got up the nerve to go to a concert alone because it was a band I really wanted to see and had a blast, basically I've taken risks I probably wouldn't have at and the moment I am doing all of these things I feel great and on top of the world. Yet then I come home and constantly find myself slipping into depression. Lately I haven't been able to sleep at night again. Ive blocked her, mutual friends, her new guy, and any way I can think of to contact her and have been sticking to no contact. Yet I still find myself missing her deeply and want to tell her how much I love her.
On the exterior I think my friends see me as doing fine as if she was never in my life, but when I'm alone if she pops into my head for a moment it still hurts. I guess maybe I'm not staying busy enough. I was really down the other day when to keep my mind busy I took the time to clean my entire apartment had music playing and felt really good. Until I stumbled upon a picture of us I never realized I left out and I couldn't help but stare at it and how beautiful I think she is and I broke down and cried feeling completely alone and abandoned.
I feel like something is wrong with me, for after 3 months and finally a full month of no contact, to still be missing and wanting to be with a girl who broke up with me like I meant nothing and rebounded to a new guy the next day.
Just kind of needed to let out my feelings I guess. Haven't posted in a while.

[Homegirl 50]

Why don't you do a bit of counseling.
Talking to someone impartial can help you work through your feelings.

[kaka67]

I stumbled upon a picture of us I never realized I left out and I couldnt help but stare at it and how beautiful I think she is and I jus broke down and cried feeling completely alone and abandoned.
I feel like something is wrong with me

I got a xmas card from my ex's mother telling me I was always welcome in her home anytime and to keep in contact. Was I a mess... Yes. Did anyone else know. No way!!

Feel what you want to feel and then move on. And you are. You are getting stronger each day as time goes by. You will have setbacks, things that will catch you off guard like a rogue picture left out by mistake. (put it away!! )

But if you don't feel you are getting better than take the advice and go and see someone.

LOL... I was out today at the Boxing Day Sales and was buying a washing machine. I stood like an idiot staring at a particluar washing machine because it was the same as my exes. Now that's ridiculous... :p