[yelva]

Hi guys. I am 19 years and I have a friend hwo is 16 years old. We have been friends in about 1,5 years now and she is driving me crazy. She is very sensetive in any way so anything negative bieng said to her will scar her for life.
She is always competing with me and her other friends; for example we have a friend in common who is very serious about scool, and like so, my annoying froend wants to be better than her. Same for me, she tries to make my favorite things and interests into hers.
I really like drawing and baking for example. So all of a sudden she does too, but it is clear for anyone to see that I do it better, naturally since it is my favorite things! It is everything; type of clothes I like, my attitude to boys, favorite interests (even the really wired ones) she is even talking about getting her breasts pierced, just like I have, and she doesn't even have her ears pierced! It really hurts me, cause even though people might be able to see that my interests are real and she is confused, it is like buying the dress of your dreams and then she wants it too, just more personal. I know she will never get those piercings, but still.
She does this to all her friends.. it os like she is one big collage of characters.

She is also filled with self-pitty, even though she doesent have any problems, and I am sick of her talking about how cruel the world is to her. The rest of our class also thinks that she is too much right now and she is probably going to feel very lonely if I dump her. I just don't know why she is mu friend anymore. I know she loves me and she is very generous. But she will lie about me or other friends just to sound interesting for someone she wants to be friends with. Oh, and she wants the whole world to like her, which of course is an impossible task. AND! She steal my friends.. it sounds silly since I don't own my friends, but any of my old friends from elementary scool, even my old big crush! she suddenyl wants to be "like this" with. And when my old best friend was a little too cool for my annoying friend, she did nothing but complain to me about how closed my old friend was. It is not like I loose anything from all this (except for my temper) but it kind of takes the joy away from some of the things dearest to me.
What should I do!

And sorry for my english, I'm from denmark
What should I do?

[Enigma1999]

Hello y,

The fact the you are a few years older than her, to me, says she might be looking up to you.

She might be trying to fit in with you and the crowd. She is still young, so she may be trying to find herself.

Have you tried sitting her down and talking to her about it?

If not, then if I were you, I would sit her down and in a nice way, with just you and her, nobody else, explain to her how this makes you feel. You need to communicate that to her.

Again, just you and her, not anyone else, or else she could think she is being ambushed.

Good luck.

[yelva]

Thank you for your answer Enigma1999
I think that you are right about the age thing, but she believes that she is more mature than most of us, and it is quite difficult to sit down with a friend and say that she is immature when she thinks the complete opporsite.. And what would it change to tell her that she is acting stupid except from making her feel more miserable and talk about me behind my back for a while.. :/

[Enigma1999]

Thank you for your answer Enigma1999
I think that you are right about the age thing, but she belives that she is more mature than most of us, and it is quite difficult to sit down with a friend and say that she is immature when she thinks the complete opporsite.. And what would it change to tell her that she is acting stupid except from making her feel more miserable and talk about me behind my back for a while.. :/

First of all, keep in mind that some 16 year olds, not all, but some are still very immature to begin with. So they tend to think that they are mature and know it all. I know I did. Lol As most of us have.

Second, there is a way of talking to her. She will feed off you. For example,

You say, So and So, can we please sit and talk for a minute? I have been wanting to share something with you that has been on my mind. I feel...

Understand where I am coming from? It is all in how it is presented to her. Be diplomatic and use tact. Don't say things like, you're acting stupid, you're immature, everyone thinks...

And when you do talk to her, don't include anyone else, for example, he said this about you, she said that about you...

Don't do that. YOu speak for yourself, not anyone else. If others have issues, then let them voice it.

I know it will be hard. Just remember, if you do sit and talk to her, be respectful of her feelings, after all she is your friend.

Good luck.

[yelva]

Thank you. Ill try to get up enough courage to talk to her I think..