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give2me1lemons · Oct 2, 2010, 11:06 AM

I thought I liked this guy at my college, especially because the people I hung out with were saying he liked me. Then I decided he probably didn't and I didn't care. It's easy and uncomplicated being single, and I've never really dated anyone. So I just decided to be friendly and not worry about anything but having fun and making friends.

Then last night he asked if I'd go on a date with him or if it would be weird. And I said maybe, if he asked me at the right time... I'm kind of flighty and moody. So he asked about coffee tomorrow (today), and I said OK. But then I made other people hang out with us the rest of the night. Now I'm freaked out, and I want to avoid him like I always do when a guy likes me and then just be friends. I think if he hadn't said "date" and things just happened naturally and without lables, maybe it would be OK. I had dreams last night where he was all over me, cuddling and kissing me, while we were in this weird plastic bubble, and I don't really think I liked it.

I still have low self esteem and am trying to fix myself, so I think this may be a bad idea. I don't want to hurt him though or make things awkward because I don't think he's had anyone really either and I like hanging out with him and his roommate. Do I just go and try it out or do I call it off right here?

Homegirl 50 · Oct 2, 2010, 11:17 AM

Going out for coffee does not mean you two are an item. I'm sure you guys will talk. Just get to know each other.
Is there a counselor you can talk to about this fear of dating and commitment you have? Did you have a bad dating experience?

talaniman · Oct 2, 2010, 01:07 PM

Fear has you seeing things that haven't happened yet. A date is nothing but a opportunity to share time and enjoy getting to know someone, and not a commitment, or promise for anything else. Not even another date.

Relax and take a chance to enjoy some good clean interacting with a human of the opposite sex, and don't get carried away by your own fear, or inexperience.

give2me1lemons · Oct 2, 2010, 01:56 PM

I'm not comfortable falling into that role and letting the guy take control. I've been on one accidental date because there was miscommunication and he thought it was a date and paid for everything and walked me to my door and the whole shebang. I like simple, private, casual. I'd rather we go for a walk somewhere, if anything. And at night when I feel less intimidated, less like people may be watching me and aware we are on a date. But again, he asked me so I can't try to control the situation or tell him what I want. It took him courage to even ask, and I know it did.

I don't know what I want, but I have essentially been avoiding him because I haven't been in my room on purpose and doesn't have another way to reach me.

banana1 · Oct 11, 2010, 01:00 PM

OK that's a problem
It would be fine ,if you really like this guy you'll have a ball I
It'll be great you will love it

So good luck and have a good time

Homegirl 50 · Oct 11, 2010, 01:09 PM

You're going out for coffee, what is there to control?
Tell him you insist on going dutch. You pay for your own, then there is no control.

give2me1lemons · Oct 11, 2010, 01:57 PM

It already happened, and I last minute stopped hiding and went with him. It was just that it was my first date that I was aware of and consented too, and I was really freaked out. I didn't even tell anyone I hang out with until a couple days after we went out. But it wasn't so horrible. It wasn't really anything. He asked me out again for the same place last weekend, but I was busy and wish he was more creative.. We'll probably just stay friends.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 11, 2010, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

It already happened, and I last minute stopped hiding and went with him. It was just that it was my first date that I was aware of and consented too, and I was really freaked out. I didn't even tell anyone I hang out with until a couple days after we went out. But it wasn't so horrible. It wasn't really anything. He asked me out again for the same place last weekend, but I was busy and wish he was more creative.. We'll probably just stay friends.

What do you mean you wish he was more creative? You just said you like to be in control.
I don't understand what you mean by this being the first date you were aware of and consented to.
What do you think a date is?

give2me1lemons · Oct 11, 2010, 04:35 PM

I mean that he actually said the word "date" and I agreed to it. I went on a date once before without knowing that is what it was to him and then finding myself in the awkward situation of being taken care of so to speak. It was supposed to be just friends going to the movies, but the other people had a change of plans. We decided to still go since we still wanted to see the movie. Only he started paying for everything and opening doors for me, and it caught me off guard.

By more creative I mean that he asked me out again but to the same place. I know this is college and everyone is broke, but I'm sure he could find another place nearby that's cheap or even free. But I think I decided just friends is best anyway, so it doesn't matter anymore.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 11, 2010, 04:57 PM

What was so wrong with the guy paying for the movie and opening doors? Gentlemen open doors for a lady.

I think it is best you leave the guy alone. Leave dating alone. You appear to be very paranoid about dating. It is just a date, not a proposal of marriage.
You have problem with control. You can't be critical when some one is not creative enough for you, maybe that is just who he is.
From now on you need to tell people up front, "I will always pay my own way, I will choose where we are to go" then everything will go your way.
In the meantime you need to do get some help with this control thing. You are going to be a lonely person. You cannot control every situation.
Have you always been this way?