[pixiegurl]

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in November 2008. I received almost 18 months of therapy for it, and have been out of therapy for around 6 months now. At the time I chose to leave therapy early as I felt that I was much better and was experiencing a much better quality of life, and also I was starting a new university degree and job and so therapy just didn't fit into the schedule anymore. Everything seemed fine- up until now. I am constantly feeling down and sad- and this worries me greatly as I am not sure if I will have a relapse of BPD. I am the type of person that will think and tell everyone that everything is fine- until it's just not. Until something happens that completely shakes me and this has happened recently I think. There have been a series of events leading up to how I am feeling now including the ending of a 3 year relationship, the suicide of a childhood friend, being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and recently a very explosive argument with a close friend. It was the argument that I feel has pushed me a little too far. I have a lot of friends, however, I don't feel like I could ever go to them with any of my problems as they all have a lot of their own. The one person I feel that is closer to me than anyone is currently away working for the next 2 months so I am left feeling like I have no one around me that will understand and I just don't know what to do. Everything in my life from work, to uni to spending time with friends is becoming a chore and each day is harder and harder to get out of bed.
At this point I should probably mention that I also cannot go back and see my old therapist. This is because I left the DBT program ahead of time so it was a condition of my leaving that I can't return to that particular therapist for a minimum of 12 months.
Does anyone have any advice or suggestions of what I should do?

[Wondergirl]

I'm sorry to hear you left the program. BPD is not something one one "gets over." It's a lifelong struggle, made easier with meds and therapy. Meds smooth out the wrinkles and get your synapses firing correctly so you can deal with the therapy. The therapy helps you learn new ways of dealing with life, and helps you formulate goals for the future.

What to do now.. find another BPD therapist or program. Talk with your advisor, the college guidance counselor, or someone in the dean's office. You need a mentor and cheerleader who also wears the therapy hat.

[pixiegurl]

Thank you for your comment, Wondergirl. I think I am starting to realise now that BPD is not something that will ever go away, but rather something I need to learn to manage.
I have not been on medication for a very long time, I actually went through the DBT program without meds. Do you think this is something I should look at trying again? I originally was taken off them because I didn't feel that they made a difference, but perhaps going back on them now will be different as I am definitely in a different frame of mind then 2 years ago. Do people with BPD usually take meds for the rest of their lives?

[Fr_Chuck]

Some people may take meds the rest of their life, if that is what THEY need. Others may need to see someone for the rest of their life. Others in some YEARS, not months, may only need an to see someone less frequent.

So go back and see the people in the program, admit your fault and ask to be helped, if they will not, they should have a reference to someone else.

This is a common error, people start feeling better think they are cured and stop the treatment that is helping them

[Wondergirl]

Do people with BPD usually take meds for the rest of their lives?

It depends on what else is going on. You mentioned depression, so that might be a reason to take an antidepressant for a time until you are back to where you were when in the program -- functioning much better, able to attend classes, doing things with friends, being happy to wake up in the morning.

And there's no one antidepressant that works for everyone. You may have to try out several before you hit on the one that works best for you. And even then, after a year or two of that working well, your body may get too used to it, so you may have to switch to a different one.

Bipolar illness, borderline, OCD, ADD -- all of them are lifelong, but can be nicely managed with a good team on your side. It sounds like you are more than willing to find that team by bringing the best people together in order to help you succeed not only in school but also in life. I am so proud of you for that!