[Geoffersonairplane]

Chuff, you are a really interesting character, you have good insight into things. I think a course in Psychology would really suit you.. Not joking, if you have not already completed one in the past, I think you would really enjoy it. I really enjoy reading your responses..

[chuff]

Chuff, you are a really interesting character, you have good insight into things. I think a course in Psychology would really suit you..Not joking, if you have not already completed one in the past, I think you would really enjoy it. I really enjoy reading your responses..

Believe it or not, when I first entered college I was going to go into pshchology but young and guilable me got talked out of it because I was told that pshchologists wind up depressed because they listen to other people's problems all day and begin to take them on as there own. There is research that does back this up actually so I can't say that it's all a lie. The truth was I probably wouldn't have been able to handled it but now as I get older I think I might be more mature.

It's so odd too because at work I consider it part of my job to motivate people as opposed to just tell them what to do. I try to keep the spirit up and vibrant at all times, but also tough because I am after all the boss. I've also been told I give great advice and had other people recommend me for advice to others, so I think maybe I did miss a good career choice.

You know I try some of this stuff on people too and I've seen it work. When I was reading about behavorial patterns and stopping them an opportunity presented itself to me and I tried it. We have this girl who works with us who was in an abusive relationship for a number of years. After that ended she started dating this guy that we work with and she was told by her family and friends to not get involved with him. She did and got pregnant and when she told him, all he said was, "get rid of it, bring me the bill and I'll give you half." So for the next month all she did was tell people what a jerk he was. She got drunk every night and her friends carried her home. While after about a month of this she came up to me and started complaining about him and I just looked at her and said, "What are you complaining about it, this was all your fault?" She just stared at me for about a minute and then turned and walked away. Now don't get me wrong this guy was a complete jerk. And let's be honest that statement makes me come off as a prick.

But do you see what I really did. She has a behavior pattern and I interrupted it. It was for only a minute but I stopped it. I know she actually thought about too because a day or two later she asked to speak with me on what I said, which I agreed to but I started and lead the conversation. I asked her what happened in her previous relationship when she was getting yelled at by her ex. She admitted she would go to friends. I said what about when he hit you. She said she would go to her parents and spend the night. I asked her if she could name one person who encoraged her to date the guy we worked with. She said not one. Then I asked her who she has told about her pregnancy and her reply was "all my friends." And of course they told others. And then they followed her around for a month like puppies.

So I pointed out to her that every time she gets abused on some level in her life she does the same thing, she runs to family and friends for attention. I was the first person in her life, including her own family that stopped that pattern, even if it was only for a minute. Will that last forever. Truth is probably not. It only happened once. I can't interrupt her patterns every time she wants attention. I can't change her, only she can change her. She would have to retrace those steps and figure out why she has that belief that she needs to be recognized or needs attention to such a degree she'll risk her physical body. But I can recognize what's gong on in her brain. She's not seeking abuse, but she'll take the abuse to get the attention.

Even here sometimes I'll read something I posted a day or two ago and cringe at what I wrote. But I think you'll agree the problem most people have at this site is they come here and want to hear a certain answer that fits their fantasy as opposed to hear the truth. What's usually made it worse is all their friends have told them things they want to hear to remain on good standing but in fact what they need is the truth. Yesterday I said to one of the posters who is a mistress that her married boyfriend had a new mistress and only kept her around in case he needed her legs open at a moments notice. I reread that later and honestly cringed. I'm not calling her a slut or anything like that and I know that could be taken that way but I'm trying to tell her in a way that stops her from hearing the same stuff she always hears. Saying "you deserve better" or "he'll come around once he realizes what he's missing" is the same thing she hears from her friends. So I take it up a notch sometimes to actually stop and make them think, and interrupt the usual pattern.

I'm telling you if you watch people repeat similar patterns it's kind of fun and very fancinating because you can start to predict what they will do in certain situations and usually be right.

[talaniman]

You go chuff, Inventor of chuffing, The art of picking a post apart and getting to the real deal. I predict a lot of people will use that method to show posters how they really"sound" when they post. And yes sometimes you get a feeling as to what people will respond to. Sometimes nicely does it, sometimes diplomacy, sometimes the brute truth. Honesty is foremost though. I think you've done a great job since you've been here so keep on chuffing. I love it.