[miadiane]

My Boyfriend and I just broke up. We were together for 6 months. We are amazing, when we are together that is. The only problem is that when he drinks- he says horribly mean things to me & we fight. He cut back on drinking but still drinks. I know that its not a healthy relationship since he talks to me negatively when he's drinking. We fight, but every couple fights. I'm not one of those stupid girls stuck in an abusive relationship. He has never hit me, and he is a great guy... minus the drinking. I want to be with him because he makes me happy and I can truly see myself marrying him. He says he loves me but I feel that if he truly loved me, he would not talk to me the way he does. I do not want to end it. I don't know if this is just a rough part of our relationship or if its me fighting to try to make the relationship work even though its not meant to be.
There's one more thing. I'm a full time student, psychology major, so I should know better right? I have been cutting for the past 2 years and since I've been honest with him about it he has helped encourage me to stop. (thats what any loyal friend/boyfriend should do though. So I shouldn't praise him for that). I take adderall daily (prescribed). I've noticed lately that as the meds begin to wear off I become overly emotional, depressed and moody. I have never been able to express my emotions before starting to date him. Literary- I never cried until we started dating.
I'm afraid that I'm making an illusory correlation. Do I love him so much that he allows me to feel, and cry? And crying is good because it allows me to feel in a healthy way. OR, is it the side effects of coming off my medication?
I don't know if I really become depressed or not as I'm coming off the medication. Maybe I'm making it up as a way to feel better about myself.
Thoughts?

[martinizing2]

If he is truly in love with you, he would care enough to do more than cut down on a serious problem.
No matter how hard it is. You find a way to STOP it.

Wiser people than I will tell you love is when someone else matters to you ,more than you do to yourself.

Abuse is not just physical, you as a student of psychology you must know this.
Is there a little oversight here? Abuse is abuse .

Check with the Doc about the drugs.
Research them yourself. Drugs.com is a wealth of information about drugs, affects, interactions, and side affects.
Make an informed decision with professionals... I think too many are given too easily JMO

Tell your BF regarding the alcohol... if you can't handle it, don't do it.

[Jake2008]

Anybody married to a person with a substance poblem would likely say, "But they are the nicest person, when they aren't using.

The key here, is that he actively uses alcohol, by choice, and he chooses to do this, knowing how his drinking behaviour affects you, and your relationship. You should know too that arguing with a drunk won't get you anywhere, because they will always defend their behaviour. They will also turn things around to make you feel like you've either caused the behaviour, or you are over reacting to the behaviour; either way you become the cause, or the effect.

The alcohol is an invisible foe, that will always have a bad effect on him. You cannot fight this foe, it is his true love, ahead of you, ahead of himself. You have no idea when this foe is going to show up, or how much hel* it will cause. But he does. The minute he makes the choice to drink, you know what the fallout will be.

The most important thing is, you cannot control him, or his choices. You either accept it, or you don't. But, stop making the assumption that this is about you, because it really isn't. It is about him, and his choice to continue drinking.

I agree that you need to see your Doctor and re-evaluate what you are doing, and seek some guidance. This too, is your responsibility, as you quite aptly describe your symptoms to stress and anxiety, and how your life is impacted by not taking care of yourself and getting help.

Both of you need help in dealing with your personal problems. If the two of you continue as you are, this will only end in disaster in my opinion. If he chooses to keep doing what he's doing, you are far better off on your own.

While things may be good and life is manageable, it is only a temporary situation, because he will get drunk again, and life will once again, become bad, and unmanageable.

Counselling will help you differentiate between what you can control (yourself) and what you cannot (him), and what you need to do to break this negative cycle of abuse.

[answerme_tender]

Are you really convinced that he is your emotional outlet. That without him you cannot show emotions. Not everyone has that ability to express themselves well and that includeds emotions. Sometimes it just takes for us to mature in our lifes to understand some of the reasons to our moods and what are appropriate emotion to show. You cannot depend of a drunk to show you reassurance on anything. They are dealing with their own dependency. As you well know additions are something we have to choose to over come for our own sanity. Maybe my you deciding to get professional help will be example to him. Showing him that living addition free is achieveable once you make a decision and stick with it. Good luck

[talaniman]

I think you get rid of the boyfriend, as drunks can make anyone cry with there behavior, and he has issues that you have made yours, which he must solve himself, so dump him to deal with your own issues, and that's by being straight up, and honest about what the meds you taking are doing to you so YOUR DOCTOR can make the necessary adjustments, based on the information you provide to him. Then you have gone a long way to finding a resolution to what's bothering you, and finding a better, healthier path to happiness.