[doc21]

I met this girl two weeks ago and we have gone on three, maybe two and a half dates together. At the end of the night of the last one we tentatively agreed to go out three days later on Saturday (tomorrow). I texted her the day after to confirm the plan in the spirit of a joke she made the night before about 'planning ahead', to which she responded, 'My Saturday is open, but I may go out with my friends.'

I was initially offended by this the same way I would get offended if anyone told me something like this. It looks inconsiderate and a bit rude as in I'm the second choice or I don't have my own life so I can afford to wait around to see what she decides what to do. However, I texted her back saying it was her choice, but she would have more fun with me. She didn't reply.

I'm 99.9% sure she is into me and wants to continue to date me at this point. I have played it very cool so far and have made a good impression on her, despite the fact I have a history of moving too fast in relationships. Perhaps I'm showing signs of moving too fast now planning a third date in a week? Is she playing a game herself to get me on edge, take control, or show me that she is not easily accessible? Is she testing me to see how I react to something like this?

I decided not to contact her today (Friday), but decided to call her Saturday. However, now I am thinking of not calling her tomorrow, or if she calls me, telling her I made other plans, despite the fact that I would really love to see her tomorrow. This is not something I've ever done, as I have always been honest and straightforward in relationships. But if she is trying to get me on edge, get a little anxious, steal some control from me, she is succeeding, so perhaps I need to set things straight and play right back at her.

For what its worth, if she is playing a sort of game, I don't see anything wrong with it, and in fact am intrigued by her even more. Should I play the indifference card here or call her tomorrow to see is she is free?

[Devorameira]

You need to back off a little... I think you're trying to move along too fast. Good gracious - you've only had 2 1/2 dates, so that doesn't quite make you a couple in a relationship.

She needs space so she can spend time with her friends as well. Don't attempt to monopolize all her time, or you may run her off.

[mystific]

It could be very well that she is playing the 'cat and mouse' game with you. Possibly pushing you a little to see how much you'll give to see her. And possibly playing hard to get.

I agree with Devora, don't push her let her come to you. If she returns your interest she'll contact you when she's ready.

[martinizing2]

First, to hell with texting.
Phones will make calls.
Calls give you a chance to consider tone of voice,
Pitch and tone and subtle clues that text can't.

Keep with your being honest and upfront,
If I encounter games I leave.
They do not do a thing to establish the honesty and trust a relationship must have to succeed .
They erode it.

If she is playing games, kick her to the internet.
It is a gamers paradise.

Honest face to face communication will do more to build and keep a good relationship than anything else you can do.

Make it your policy.

I wish you well.

[beachloverjohn]

She is not playing games. You are reading it wrong. She's just not as into you as you are to her. I don't think she really cares whether you made plans or not, so don't tell her that to get a rise out of her. She simply would rather be with her friends, that's it , plain and simple. So my advice is to not allow yourself to be at her beck and call, and make other plans yourself. Not to keep her interested, but more because you're going to need something to do. I doubt if this relationship is going anywhere. Sorry, but the signs are there.

[Cat1864]

I think you are making the 'game' not her.

You say that you made tentative plans for Saturday. (Would that have been the third or fourth date in a week while knowing her for only two weeks total?)

You texted her to confirm "in the spirit of a joke she made the night before about 'planning ahead'". She seems to have returned your text in the same spirit to which you took offense. Calmed down and sent the last text. What was the timing between those two texts? Do you have any idea what she was doing at the time? Could she have been too busy to return it immediately or fallen asleep or possibly not gotten your last text for a number of reasons?

I do think before you got too upset and decided she must be playing a game that you should have called her.

Saturday has been and gone, now. Did you call her and find out what happened or did you continue 'the games'?

I think you have been burned by falling too fast before and now you see problems where there might not be any. I also think you both need time for interests other than seeing each other.