[KylieHammond]

I am 18 and even though I have always been petite I have major image issues. I used to go through phases where I'd make myself throw up every time I ate, I'd lose weight and feel happy, then stop but I would gain it back and go crazy.

I have always had a problem with acid,but doctors just said it was heartburn and to take tums (well it wasn't) and I recently was diagnosed with acid reflux, I think I brought it on myself, but I have it so bad that now anytime I eat anything my body auto-matically rejects it and I throw up, I think my body is just instinctively does it, although I had stopped making myself sick for a year and a half before the acid reflux started. I don't know if its in my head or not, but regardless I am sick. I have lost 21 pounds over the summer and I honestly for once hadn't planned on it. Now that I have a prescription for the acid (which within a day made me feel much better) I stopped taking it because I like that I only eat one small serving a day.
I am 104 pounds, no one has ever caught on that I have a problem and I am very good with making excuses, and now that I have seen a doctor my mother has stopped bothering me, which now is making the urge to lose weight even bigger. I moved on my own to the city and now I don't have to worry about having anyone on my case about my weight going up and down.

I don't eat often, sometimes only a meal once every 2 days, and its slowly getting to be less and less. I've noticed I feel so rewarded when I lose weight which as been 1-2 pounds a day.
I know I sound crazy but my friends and family think I am a really happy fun-loving person that is really confident and knows what she wants.
I honestly don't want help, I have an apointment with a specialist because they think the reason why I throw up so much is because the acid has started to ruin my stomach and they need to put a tube down my throat to cheack eveything out.
I don't MAKE myself get sick, my body just automatically throws up after I eat, so I think something might actually be wrong but right now I'm enjoying the benefits of it. I'm scared that they will be able to tell that I have an eating disorder and might force me into treatment, I'm not unhappy with my life what so ever, and sometimes I forget about my body issues and just don't eat because I'm used to nnot feeling hungery.
Please don't comment and say I am just looking for attention or anything like that because I'm not getting any attention from it and I keep all these issues private and have never ever talked to anyone about it before. I am not that girl that always says "oh my god I'm so fat blah blah balh" I actually love my body right now and feel really confident, but I still want to be smaller.
What should I do?

[smoothy]

First off, you can't dictate WHAT answers you get or not. That's not how the site works.


Now... get yourself into counseling ASAP... there is NO benefit or upside to this... and a huge number of seriously bad effects to the body long term.

You can't simply deal with this yourself... and you clearly aren't recognising the magnitude of the problem here because you say you are happy doing it.

[KylieHammond]

I'm not trying to dictate the answers I get I am just saying I'm not the bimbo girl that says she is fat for attention, I don't think I have once said it to anyone unless I am joking around with a girlfriend about being bloated, I don't want people knowing that I'm not as confident as I seem. By saying "don't tell me i am looking for attention" I'm telling you that I am looking for help.

[KylieHammond]

Most people would love to be happy all the time, and I am.
But almost too happy... I've been through a lot in my life and I am able to cope really well with things and I would let myself feel every emotion thoroughly and be able to get past it. It seems like bad things kept happening for a long while and although I would get upset sometimes I never stayed down about it, certain things should effect me but they don't, again you may think this is good, but for me it is unsettling.

I have a hard time forgiving, for most people it's a one shot deal, if you screw up... SEE YOU LATER
And it doesn't phase me if I ever see them in my life again, I don't miss anyone... not even my own mother, if it weren't for her contacting me I probably wouldn't do it. But I love her to death and I don't understand.
I recently moved to Toronto and I have found I don't want to keep in touch with anyone from my home town. It's not that I dislike anyone, I actually have some amazing friends, but same thing, I don't feel the need to keep in touch and I don't really care to contact anyone and see how they're doing.

I feel like I don't care about anything, I've made new friends and I am having fun but I still don't feel the need to reach out and contact anyone, everyone else usually invites me out or see's how I'm doing, because I am such a positive person that many people like me.
I don't know what it is am I crazy?

[smoothy]

The help you need is a hands on counseling and/or possibly rehab where you are under close monitoring 24X7. This definitely is not a Do-it-yourself type of thing. You really have to have someone else that can remain detached and objective to help you break the bad habits that feed on themselves.

Incidentally... most people are rarely as confident as they may appear to others. The sole exceptions tend to be sociopaths.

I would look for local centers that deal with eating disorders (local to you).

As I'm sure you know... the first step to successfully dealing with a problem is recognising you have one. And you have already made that big first step.

[KylieHammond]

A sociopath is a murderer. Or someone who takes pride in hurting others, I do not like being referred to such thing as it has no relevance to the topic. I've heard enough from your point of veiw, thank you and goodbye.

[smoothy]

A sociopath is a murderer. Or someone who takes pride in hurting others, I do not like being reffered to such thing as it has no relevance to the topic. I've heard enough from your point of veiw, thank you and goodbye.

If you expect affirmation that what you are doing is right you aren't going to get it from me or anyone else here.

YOU have an eating disorder, I don't. You aren't going to get help on the internet exclusively. With that part said...

Try actually READING the posts... BEFORE you start spewing.

Its pretty damned obvious you didn't based on your own comments. YOU are the only person on this thread that "reffered" to anything.

And again... YOU don't get to dictate who answers or WHAT answers you get. You don't own this site. And I'm not on your payroll.

[KylieHammond]

I am 18 and even though I have always been petite I have major image issues. I used to go through phases where I'd make myself throw up every time I ate, I'd lose weight and feel happy, then stop but I would gain it back and go crazy.

I have always had a problem with acid,but doctors just said it was heartburn and to take tums (well it wasn't) and I recently was diagnosed with acid reflux, I think I brought it on myself, but I have it so bad that now anytime I eat anything my body auto-matically rejects it and I throw up, I think my body is just instinctively does it, although I had stopped making myself sick for a year and a half before the acid reflux started. I don't know if its in my head or not, but regardless I am sick. I have lost 21 pounds over the summer and I honestly for once hadn't planned on it. Now that I have a prescription for the acid (which within a day made me feel much better) I stopped taking it because I like that I only eat one small serving a day.
I am 104 pounds, no one has ever caught on that I have a problem and I am very good with making excuses, and now that I have seen a doctor my mother has stopped bothering me, which now is making the urge to lose weight even bigger. I moved on my own to the city and now I don't have to worry about having anyone on my case about my weight going up and down.

I don't eat often, sometimes only a meal once every 2 days, and its slowly getting to be less and less. I've noticed I feel so rewarded when I lose weight which as been 1-2 pounds a day.
I know I sound crazy but my friends and family think I am a really happy fun-loving person that is really confident and knows what she wants.
I honestly don't want help, I have an apointment with a specialist because they think the reason why I throw up so much is because the acid has started to ruin my stomach and they need to put a tube down my throat to cheack eveything out.
I don't MAKE myself get sick, my body just automatically throws up after I eat, so I think something might actually be wrong but right now I'm enjoying the benefits of it. I'm scared that they will be able to tell that I have an eating disorder and might force me into treatment, I'm not unhappy with my life what so ever, and sometimes I forget about my body issues and just don't eat because I'm used to nnot feeling hungery.
Please don't comment and say I am just looking for attention or anything like that because I'm not getting any attention from it and I keep all these issues private and have never ever talked to anyone about it before. I am not that girl that always says "oh my god I'm so fat blah blah balh" I actually love my body right now and feel really confident, but I still want to be smaller.
What should I do?

[RickJ]

Kylie, please don't mistake "frank" advice for "bad" advice. No one is here to attack or demean you. Read the words for what they are and take it for what it is. All we can do is answer questions based on the information that you give.

Please be patient and read with an open mind.

[smoothy]

Based on this thread...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...do-509472.html

And this one...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ge-509460.html

Why you even WANT to get married.

[smoothy]

YOU already HAVE a thread on this topic...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...do-509472.html

[KBC]

One post on any one topic is good enough,thread closed.