[moxsum]

So I'm 23, and my ex girl is 23. We went to high school together but never really hung out until the end.. at the end of senior year we dated all summer and it was amazing.. then she moved away to college and I moved to san francisco with some friends of mine..

I went up to see her shortly after she moved up there and it was still amazing, but then I told her I had slept with 1 chick randomly in SF and she was hurt and stopped wanting to see me after that.. The next 2 years we were apart, with her living in another state but we saw each other a few times those 2 years.. I still couldn't stop thinking about her. She messed around with a bunch of guys over those 2 years in college.. I on the other hand did not, the Ive only slept with 3 girls in my whole life..

Anyway, at 2 years, we started hanging out again, I went up to Washington to see her for her birthday.. there was a huge party at her house and we all got messed up on ecstacy etc.. But she was sleeping with this ******* guy.. and I had to be right in front of it.. that hurt me really badly..

Shortly after that, she came down to California and was seemingly really into me again.. we ended up hooking up and it was amazing again, we were so in love.. at least I was. Then we really stayed in touch, I came up to visit her, then shortly after she moved back to California, maybe partially just for me!

We've been together ever since, for the past 3 1/2 years.. we traveled to europe, canada, Hawaii, NYC etc.. Lots of great trips together, concerts together, many many amazing events.. raves. etc.. We spent all of our time together.. then I got jealous.. and found out she was still in contact with this guy who she used to sleep with in Washington.. I got really upset, and found out she messaged him on Facebook saying that she still luved him etc. being kind of flirty.. I broke up with her.. I felt betrayed/confused etc..

She begged me to take her back for like 2 weeks.. and I didn't want to hear it.. then she stopped talking to me, and it didn't take long for me to really miss her and want to be with her again.. so we ended up getting back together.. its been like 1 1/2 years since then.. I changed quite a bit over these 1 1/2 years.. I developed some bad anxiety problems/panic attacks, and also developed prostate problems and some sexual issues etc.. Generally my health got a bit messed up.. and it made me super health conscious.. I ended up getting really into health etc.. And my girl isn't at all.. but it caused an issue because I would give her advice on what to eat etc.. And she really didn't like that, she thought I was telling her how to live her life, but I really just wanted to help her.. Then a few months ago she asked me to move in with her.. and her 3 cats, plus a dog.. I told her we needed to talk about it more/didnt jump right on the idea.. but she took it the wrong way, like I didn't want to live with her after 3 years, etc.. But that wasn't it..

Then she ended up breaking up with me just a few weeks ago.. she said that we were both young and had a lot of maturing to do and that we couldn't do it together.. she felt like we weren't close anymore.. she felt like we had become different people and had nothing in common. That she didn't know who she was anymore.

But she wanted to move in with me just 2 months prior to this? And now she doesn't want to see me anymore?

Ultimately its all just miscommunication/misinterpretation.. I did probably get a bit annoying with the health advice, I can see that, but I can change that right away.. ill never give her health advice again.. and I did want to live with her, I just wanted to talk about it more.. but looking back on it I wish I had just jumped on the idea at the time..

Also, we both smoked pot together for years and drank, but over the past year I quit drinking completely, and just recently stopped smoking pot.. I think she started seeing me as boring/too available etc.

She kept telling me that, "this isnt forever", "i still want to be friends" , "maybe we can give it another shot in a few years", "I love you as a friend"..

Its just really frustrating for me.. because I really love this girl, and I know we have a special connection.. and there were many times where it was amazing.. and I know it could be amazing again.. also, I see where she's coming from.. I feel like I did get a little boring, etc.. But I can change, I've already changed so much the past few weeks...

If she would just talk to me I think we could work it all out, but she isn't interested..

How do I deal with this? I really feel like she's the love of my life, do I just let her do her thing, and hope she comes back eventually.. even if it takes years? Or do I try my hardes to shut her out of my life.. do I stay friends?

The thing is, right now she's tired of the relationship.. but I honestly believe there's something special between us and I think she knows it deep down. . Or do you think she's fully over it, never wants to see me again.. just being nice saying maybe in the future/lets stay friends?

I guess a lot of couples break up and end up together later on.. happened with my parents.. just scary because I feel like.. if she looks back at our relationship as being boring why would she ever come back? Then again, maybe in time she will look back at all the wonderful times we had together and how in love we were at times.. and how it was both our longest relationships at a pivotal time in our lives..

[talaniman]

Leave her alone guy. Its time to explore other options and opportunities rather than worry about, or chase a female that has other options and opportunities herself.

You both had plenty of chances but it still didn't work. Bow out gracefully, and disappear and do your own thing.

[DoulaLC]

Sounds like neither of you are ready just yet for such a commitment.

You had some great times together and they will be nice memories. You learned about something's that are important to you and you did change... that is a good thing, and as Tal said, it is time to let it go and move on.

Who knows what time may bring... most likely someone new in your life who is better suited.

[beachloverjohn]

The two of you certainly do have a history, and there was a lot of breaking up and getting back together again, and you might think that will happen again. But now I think it's time to make this relationship "history". Too many power plays here. Maybe someday when you both have moved on into new relationships, and she is not so important to you, you can be friends. But for now, leave her alone. The two of you had so many differences, I don't see how you could be Just friends anyway.