[Sch0lar]

Ok, I'm not usually the type to dump my problems on others, let alone people on the internet, but I am just looking for some confirmation that I made the right decision. I am 21 and she is 19.

We met 4 years ago, and have been together ever since. The problem was she lived in another city which was a plane trip from mine, so the first 2 years were spent long distance. However I made a huge call and decided to move my whole life to her and start my university studies there. I don't regret doing that in the slightest.

At the beginning of this year we decided to get an apartment together, but I don't think I was ready for such heavy commitment at that time. After only 3months living together, I got scared and decided I needed some time to re-think what I wanted. This hurt her so much. I know you are all thinking, you shouldn't have moved in together knowing you weren't ready, and I agree. But we all make mistakes, and that's truly the only way we learn to grow as a person.

We ended up breaking up for a few months while I re-evaluated what I wanted. I thought I wanted to be single/have fun and be young, but when given the chance all I really wanted was her. We coincidently bumped into one another at a university café and began talking, and lucky me, after taking it slow for a while she decided she would take me back. She told me she was with (kissed) a couple of guys while we had some time apart, but that didn't bother me as she was completely in her right to do so.

During our short-lived break up, she had decided she wanted to go to Europe for two and a half months, which I think was a great decision. Before she left, I offered her the chance to be single while she was over there, to find herself and be young and free. She would always tell me she didn't wan't to.

She finally left for Europe and we said our good byes (which was sad!). One week in to her holiday she finally pops the big question of 'I need to talk to you about something' which I knew instantly what it would be about. She wanted to have a break while she was there, and I found out from her that she had already kissed someone and he stayed over at her hostel. I'm not going to lie, that hurt and I don't think she wen't about it the right way. It was so out of character. But I did offer her the option before she left so I wasn't just going to back down on it. So after making some ground rules; Everything but sex allowed, stopping when feelings get included etc. we are finally on a break.

Some days I feel horrible knowing what she could be doing over there, and other times I feel that I'm OK with it. I'm afraid that this might change things between us when she comes back, but she is content on getting back with me when she returns.
I've been told I made a very mature decision allowing her to do this and that it was for the best.. but I don't know.

So enough about the background story, and time for some questions:

Will this break effect our relationship? I am not the jealous type, but even so..

I wan't to know how many people she has been with when she comes back, I don't like all the mystery behind it, but she doesn't wan't to know?

I'm afraid my feelings for her will be different when she comes back, will they be?

I wan't to be with her for the rest of my life, and so does she, is this possible after going on a break?


I probably wrote too much, but thank you for reading it. I look forward to hearing what you have to say on the matter.

Thanks!

[talaniman]

Will this break effect our relationship? I am not the jealous type, but even so..
Sure it will as time apart usually does, but if its a good or bad effect, that remains to be seen, and depends if you both can stay within the rules you set for each other. One thing though YOU need to understand from the get go, she is having fun, with adventure and romance, but you are not, so you will suffer until she comes back, and clearly she won't have to with the fun she will have. That alone will eat you up, as you are already suffering. I suggest you do your thing, and enjoy your time apart as she is. Then maybe you won't dwell on what ifs, and maybes.
I want to know how many people she has been with when she comes back, I don't like all the mystery behind it, but she doesn't want to know?
Another conflict, leave it alone and swelling does you no good whatsoever, nor trying to solve the mystery. You either trust her word or don't.
I'm afraid my feelings for her will be different when she comes back, will they be?
That depends on how you handle your own feelings which are conflicted, and have been for a long time (remember the living together fiasco), and whether or not you can handle this break up (Thats what a break is, despite the rules because she, or you may change your feelings for one another), and the mystery that follows about what she did while away from you. Know one can predict what the future holds, or what life, and reality will throw at you.
I want to be with her for the rest of my life, and so does she, is this possible after going on a break?
Yeah right, given your history together I would say its too soon to even think of life long relationships at this point, nor assume she feels the same way, and I don't care what she told you. Maybe she didn't want a clean break before she left, but that doesn't translate into a life long future together. Just something to check out when she comes back. Sorry guy, this is her program you're in because you let it be, and while the feelings are there for you now, they have not stood the test of time, or adversity. Doubt already is testing your resolve and feelings and whether you make it for the next two months apart or not, there will be many issues to resolve and that will be the true test after this vacation as to whether you can work on those issues together or apart.

You so far have not addressed any issues, only reconciled the past, and agreed to start over. My best advice is enjoy your time without her in the next two and a half months, and see how you feel when she gets back with little or no expectations for the future. Don't get carried away by feelings of what she is doing, just focus on what you do for yourself, your thing, and let her do her thing.

[Kitkat22]

Good that she gets to go to Europe.. I never get to go anywhere. Bad that you can't be with her.

As Tal said enjoy the next two months. You may like the freedom. Don't sit around and brood. What ever is meant to be
Will happen. Good luck young man.

[DoulaLC]

Don't quiz her on who she spent time with or how many.

You made an agreement, a silly one in my opinion, of anything goes but sex and feelings. How do you govern someone else's feelings? You can't.

Is she likely to fall for someone over there? Probably not, she may be intriqued or infatuated, but likely that would be all. Could it happen? Of course... just as you could fall for the next female you have a conversation with.

If you both wanted to be with each other the rest of your lives, why would the two of you basically agree on a free pass? She is only going to be gone for two months.

It sounds like you jumped to the idea of an exclusive committed relationship faster than either of you were actually prepared for. You needed a break before to discover what you wanted, and now she is taking a break.

When she returns you may both end up deciding that yes, you do want to be together, that the grass was not greener, that your relationship is what both of you want long term.

You may find, in time, that things do change and it is not enough of what both of you want.

As was said, time will tell. For now, enjoy yourself, talk with her regularly, hang out with friends and family, keep busy.

[Showme_urmove]

Its always hard to play the what IF games. You decided to agree with the proposal that was given. Live with it. Your only killing yourself by thinking what she is doing over there. Move on live your life, this relationship looks like its going no where.