Check out some similar questions!

heeelpme · Sep 16, 2010, 12:45 PM

Okay so this is going to be a little long.. my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 and a half monthes now, but we were kind of together for a month and a half before he legit asked me out.. I'm fifteen, he was ninteen, he just turned twenty this past Tuesday, I will be sixteen on valentines day. Your probably thinking *** is a 20 yearold doing with a 15 yearold, right? Welll, we have this connection and we both make each other super happy and honestly he's my best friend, I love being with him. We are NOT having a sexual relationship at all, besides holding hands and kissing if that counts as a 'sexual relationship'. My parents love him and approve of him, and his parents love me and approve of me, but they are scared that he will get arrested for just dating me, so they want us to be careful and not do anything till I'm 18, well we made a promise we are not having sex till I am 17, and I'm not a virgin neither is he, and he said he can wait and is so happy and satisfied with me he doenst need sex, but if I ever do feel the need to have sex, to tell him and hell let me have sex with someone. But anyway, if we are NOT having a sexual relationship besides kissing and holding hands, and there IS parental consent, is there any way possible he can get arrested for it? Pleaaaaase heeeelp mee! P.S.- I live in New York

88sunflower · Sep 16, 2010, 12:48 PM

Wait I have one problem with part of your post. If you decide you want sex he will let you have sex with someone? Interesting. He will let you have sex with someone else while dating you so he doesn't get arrested. Nice guy.

heeelpme · Sep 16, 2010, 12:52 PM

Yeah, he is so nice, and I don't want to have sex with anyone, I'm fifteen, I lost my virginity this past year to my best friend of 9 years, and that was the only time I had sex, it wasn't even supposed to happen, I'm too young for sex.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2010, 01:00 PM

What kind of boy says you can have sex with someone else if you want so he won't get in trouble. Is he going to have sex with someone else if he needs to as well, will that be OK with you?
That is messed up.

If this 20 year old says he does not need sex, that he will be OK playing kissy with you for the next two years he is either lying to himself or to you.
If he is OK with you having sex with someone else, why don't the two of you just not date until you are older.

88sunflower · Sep 16, 2010, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

What kind of boy says you can have sex with someone else if you want so he won't get in trouble. Is he going to have sex with someone else if he needs to as well, will that be OK with you?
That is messed up.

If this 20 year old says he does not need sex, that he will be OK playing kissy with you for the next two years he is either lying to himself or to you.
If he is OK with you having sex with someone else, why don't the two of you just not date until you are older.

Spreading the rep.

It just doesn't add up.

J_9 · Sep 16, 2010, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by heeelpme

he doenst need sex, but if i ever do feel the need to have sex, to tell him and hell let me have sex with someone.

That's jacked up!

heeelpme · Sep 16, 2010, 01:08 PM

He said it because he wants to make me happy, and I told him I don't want sexx, no neeed to be asssholes about ittt

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2010, 01:13 PM

Girl a boy that is so willing to let you have sex with somebody else is not one who cares about you. This business of him wanting to make you happy is messed up.
Will you let him have sex with someone else and be OK with it.

And there is no reason to be rude because no one agrees with you. Read and learn

heeelpme · Sep 16, 2010, 01:16 PM

OK sorry, and no I won't, and he said he really wouldn't want me to have sex with someone else but if I evver really feel the need to have sex before I'm the age to tell him and hell be okay with it. But obviously I would never go and have sex with someone else when I'm in a relationship. And no I wouldn't be okay with itt, id be hurt.
But that's not the point of my post, all I want to know is if our relationship is illegal and if there's any way he can get arrested even when there's parental consent and no sexual activitys other than holding hands and kissing.

J_9 · Sep 16, 2010, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by heeelpme

he said it because he wants to make me happy, and i told him i dont want sexx, no neeed to be asssholes about ittt

Please watch your language. That is totally unnecessary an inappropriate.

heeelpme · Sep 16, 2010, 01:17 PM

Sorry

J_9 · Sep 16, 2010, 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by heeelpme

if i evver really feel the need to have sex before im the age to tell him and hell be okay with it.

I guess he would be okay with you being a parent as well. You do know that sex = babies don't you?

Oh, right, you are mature for your age.

heeelpme · Sep 16, 2010, 01:28 PM

Don't tell me to watch my language than go be a sarcastic jerk. I am mature for my age, you don't know the stuff I've seen, I've probably seen far worse than you.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2010, 01:51 PM

Just the fact that he has influence over you, is kissing and holding hands with you is wrong. Giving you permission to have sex with someone else if you need to is creepy.
Do they trust this 20 year old with their 15 year old daughter? Do they know the whole story?

Cat1864 · Sep 16, 2010, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by heeelpme

and honestly hes my bestfriend, I love being with him. We are NOT having a sexual relationship at all, besides holding hands and kissing if that counts as a 'sexual relationship'.

heeelpme : yeah, he is so nice, and I don't want to have sex with anyone, I'm fifteen, i lost my virginity this past year to my bestfriend of 9 years, and that was the only time I had sex, it wasnt even supposed to happen, I'm too young for sex.

You didn't mean to have sex with your best friend of nine years. It doesn't sound like you were 'dating' that best friend, but sex 'just happened'.

This 'best friend' you are dating and kissing. How positive are you that nothing will 'just happen'? With this person there are more factors than losing your virginity and possible pregnancy (Do your parents know about you having sex with him?). There is the possibility of him being charged with statutory rape. Even years later if evidence presents itself.

Part of being mature is knowing that some relationships have to wait.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 16, 2010, 05:19 PM

A 20 year old wanting to be with a 15 year old is a pedophile, plain and simple. And a 20 year old can use his experience to take advantage of a child too easy.

I would hope that the parents of this 15 year old would be sure to keep him away

88sunflower · Sep 17, 2010, 06:07 AM

If your coming to a site to question this type thing then its obviously wrong. Just sit back and look at what your asking. If you have to ask then look at the whole picture from what we see it as.

Honestly if I were his parents there is no way I would allow him to date a 15 year old. That screams trouble all over it.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 17, 2010, 06:12 AM

If I were her parents, he would not be coming around my daughter.
That is asking for trouble.

ScottGem · Sep 17, 2010, 06:53 AM

Comments on this post
heeelpme : don't tell me to watch my language than go be a sarcastic jerk. I am mature for my age, you don't know the stuff I've seen, I've probably seen far worse than you.

OMG the "I'm mature for my age and you don't know the stuff I've seen" argument. First, do you have any idea how many times we have seen that from some teenage know-it-all? Second, J_9 is an OB/Gyn nurse. I'll be willing to bet she has seen things you haven't even imagined.

The point here is you are 15. No matter what you think you've been through or seen, you haven't a clue how little that actually is. In fact, your reactions to the advice given here show how immature you really are.

But I'm actually going to side with you at least partially on this relationship. And the only reason for that is that your parents are aware of and approve this relationship. I'm going to assume that they know the two of you better then we do. And I can tell you there are no laws against dating. Any laws deal with sexual activity or parental interference. So if you don't do anything more than kiss or hold hands and your parents approve, then no laws are being broken.

On the other hand, you yourself stated that you lost virginity because it just happened. It was with someone you weren't even dating. So you can understand that no matter that you may both have the best of intentions, things can get out of hand. I'll also point out that a 20 yr old willing to forgo sex for several years for a 15 yr old doesn't make a lot of sense. Especially when the 20 yr old is willing to let that 15 yr old engage in sex with someone else. He shouldn't be wanting you to have sex period since that could mean a child he will be stuck raising. So I'm very leery of this guy. But my gut tells me you aren't telling us the story correctly and that you are embellishing things to make him look better in our eyes, but the result is the opposite.

My recommendation would be to cool it and date other people for the next couple of years. If your love is true it can wait until you turn 18.

talaniman · Sep 17, 2010, 10:19 AM

I don't care how mature you think you are or whose permission you have, if I see a grown man kissing on a high school girl, I call the cops, and let them sort it out.

There are a lot of adults like me around, so just think about it.