[troublemakerman]

American Brave

To our brave for over all the years
For you some of us have shed tears
To you servicemen and women, who served and still serve
I say thank you, which you greatly deserve
You fight to protect our American way
You put your life on the line everyday
You protect the colors of our flag
Some of you come home in a body bag
You protect our flag of stripes and stars
Some of you come home with battle scars
Included are the people of 9/11 who died
The volunteers, the relatives and the people cried
I'm sorry to the families of the brave
Their sons and daughters who's life they gave
We are Americans of this great country
Again thanks to all the Military


Thank You

[Eileen G]

It's a great sentiment and obviously very personal to you.

I would suggest that you worry less about finding words that rhyme and concentrate more on finding the words that express exactly what you mean.

There's a danger, when you have a poem with so many rhyming couplets, that instead of reflecting the emotion of the writer, it sounds like something inside a Hallmark card.

[Wondergirl]

Eileen hit the nail on the head. Your intense and heartfelt feelings run so deep and well up around the reader, so don't worry about rhyming. Rhyming forces you to say things a certain way. It seems like you struggle to fit just the right rhyming words together at the risk of losing meaning. I'm thinking free verse is really your ticket and would allow your reader to get emotionally involved in your words.

[excon]

The volunteers, the relatives and the people cried
I’m sorry to the families of the brave
Their sons and daughters who’s life they gave
We are Americans of this great country
Again thanks to all the Military

Hello:

Call me a cynic, but aren't these kinds of typo's what happens when you cut and paste stuff?? I DON'T have those characters on my keyboard... And, if I did, I wouldn't put 'em in a poem.

Besides, the poetry sucks.

excon