[barbiechick123]

Hey, well, I'm just getting into tenth grade and I feel like recently everyone around me has gotten into a new relationship or has been in a lasting one for a long time, including my ex boyfriend who has a new girlfriend, and I feel jealous and depressed about it... I just want to feel like I'm not alone or that it's okay to not be in a relationship. I know I'm more complex and opinionated about my feelings then a lot of people my age, and I complicate most of my relationships, but that isn't even the point. I just don't know what to do about my major jealousy over people I don't know and people I do know being in relationships. It's unhealthy and I've had this problem for about 2 years on and off.

[smoothy]

First - You are in the 10th grade... essentually none of these people will be married to the people they are with now... those that do will likely end up divorced within a few years.

Second - getting the most out of your education is what is important right now. Unless you would really be happy as a casheer at Walmart, or stocking shelves for a living.

Your focus is way off what it should be. And there really is no possible way you can devote enough energy to both without one of the other suffering.

You are far from being alone in not being in a "relationship" which in a few years you will be laughing about how petty these are in high school AND what kids consider a relationship to be. You have to be almost 30 before you can understand what I mean by that.

Direct your efforts at getting the most from your education and avoiding the distractions and you WILL reap big benefits in a better life. Or you can be like some of these people you mention, and have far fewer opportunities and a harder struggle to get ahead.

I'm talking about earning potientials out of school that can be 5-10K dollars more a year to start with, and that can make the difference between being able to pay your bills on time and having money to enjoy life. It's the same as having a head start in the rat race. Everyone else has to play catch-up.

Hell, I rarely even see people I went to high school with these days... and that's true for a LOT of people. I've spent more time overseas than you can even remember clearly about school so far. This is not what life is about.. and this is only a couple years and once you graduate your entire life will have major changes as will everyone else's. Nothing you are worrying about right now is worth spending even the time I spent writing this answer. When you are an adult you will see what I mean. I graduated 30 years ago... and I still vividly remember all the crap and the games of being where you are now.

What you call a long term relationship I wouldn't even consider really getting to know the person... much less consider it a real relationship or long term.

It takes 3 years just to get to really get to know the person... that can not be sped up. 5 years... now That's when you start to get to "long term Relationship".

1 or 2 years barely rates as casually dating.

[Jake2008]

There is something quite profoundly liberating, when you are strong and independent in your own right, without the need to have a boyfriend.

When the only person you need to make decisions, set goals and achieve them, plan your future, dream your dreams, belongs only to you.

It is natural I think, to feel that something is wrong with you, in your peer group of fiends, when you are the odd man out so to speak, with no boyfriend. But what is that really, except some sort of status that is really more of an achievement, than a necessity.

Relationships are complicated, and they are time consuming, without usually any long term success (if that too is a goal), because of the age you are at right now. The reasons for having a boyfriend now, is because everybody else has one, or, you've had one and liked it, and want another one. But it is not necessary, or not a necessary step to have one simply to say you have one.

Having a boyfriend will come, when it happens. But be careful to wish for something (or someone) because you are needy, or need a boyfriend so that you look and feel what you think 'normal' is, or should be.

Nobody should be defined by the relationship they are in. They should be defined by the individual, and that individual should be confident and strong regardless of who they are dating. You feel insecure, and still jealous of your old boyfriend having moved on. That is not a slight against you, it is called maturing.

You will go through many relationships until you find your prince. In the meanwhile, enjoy your freedom, build your confidence on your own, celebrate your own independence, and find friends who's lives don't revolve around a boyfriend; either getting one, or keeping one.

Set your standards high, and don't settle. Having a boyfriend will come naturally, but try not to make that the main focus of your life. A boyfriend should be a compliment, not a necessary 'possession' in order to feel confident, accepted, or fulfilled.