[MargaretteS]

My husband is abusive, he uses bad words and say things to make me feel like if I was anybody... he shouts on me for small little things, because he says that everything I say is stupid. He doesn't respect me at all, in all the areas,our family thinks I'm crazy, because they don't know him, not even his family. He always have a excuse for anything that happens on he's life and everything is my fault, aether because I'm close to my period or just because I like to complain. For those who are not with us, all our family lives in other country, its very easy to take part on what they hear from him, they don't know what he have transformed me. I started working now and very soon I intend to leave him. But the thing is, I just had a Baby, one year old, and a 14 years old son from a previous relationship. So what can I do? It is to difficult to be alone like this... any suggestions?Please?

[Kitkat22]

It will be peaceful and that's what you and your children need. Find a place to live and leave. It won't get any better.

[FoxCash]

You should also seek out the guidance of a domestic violence center. They can provide you with tools to help you, support, and counselors.

[MargaretteS]

Some other friend said the same thing.. im afraid..

[MargaretteS]

But is it a domestic violence, do they take this things seriously?

[Kitkat22]

Find a good lawyer and ask him what your options are. In the mean time you could as FoxCash said seek help in a shelter.

Consultations are usually free or if you don't have the money.

[Jake2008]

You sound like you've made up your mind, and you've probably been thinking about this for a long time if, as you say, you plan to leave him soon now that you have a job.

The transition is not going to be easy, because it sounds like you've lost a lot of confidence along the way with your husband's verbal abuse. The plus side is, that regardless of anything else, you are making the right choice, and you have the strength to see your way through to getting out. And not just getting out, but getting a job, and thinking ahead to provide for your children.

It really is imperative that you see a lawyer, so that you have a legal separation in place. This is so important, as it will protect you, and your assets, and prevent things like him emptying out the chequing account. All these matters and more have to be hammered out, so that you are protected. This is probably not news to you, because you've been through one divorce already. Seeing a lawyer soon, is a good idea.

Because you already have a job, does not mean that that job will provide for all your needs, or your children's needs. If you seek help from a women's organization in your area, or get a referral and advice from a women's shelter, or seek counselling through your family doctor, any and all of those will point you in the right direction. You may need subsidized housing for example, and you will need good information. It is worth checking out all that is available to you, should you need assistance.

The sooner you are out, and on your own, the sooner you will realize that you can survive, and thrive, and continue on your journey of independence. You have already accomplished the worst part- the decision to leave. That is a hard choice to make, and you have made it.

Don't let fear stop you. If I were in your shoes, I would be more fearful of an abusive husband I didn't love, than I would be of being on my own.

Best of luck to you.

[simoneaugie]

Yes it is abuse. The added fact that he manipulates others to believe everything is your fault and the fact that you are afraid to leave are strong indications that the problem is his.

My ex husband did the same thing. It was so hard to leave (terrifying in fact) because all the things he said were still bouncing around in my head.

Now that I have lived on my own, I look back and am grateful to myself for leaving. My ex is still a jerk. But I'm not a worthless, trouble-making idiot like he said.

And a man who is verbally abusive will probably go on to physical abuse. Mine did.

[Devorameira]

Your husband is abusive and you definitely need to get away from him. His abuse is damaging your happiness, health, and self esteem, as well as affecting the children.

It's going to be tough being on your own, but just imagine having all the peace. You'll finally be able to breathe again, to smile again, and to stop walking around on egg-shells.

It'll definitely be worth the effort. Good luck!