[amd733]

We dated for a little over 2 years. When we met, I was living in the same city as him and had to move, so we kept it going for a year and then I decided to move back to the same city, which meant, we moved in together. We got a place together and we loved it. Cooking, decorating... we made it our little home. So after about 7 months of living together right before christmas, the talk of marriage came up, and it felt so natural, he didn't have a good or bad reaction to the discussion. He is the one who started sitting around with me and my family planning a wedding- abstract, like where it would be, what kind of reception, what parts he would want to be apart of planning, etc. then at christmas, it was like a light swtich. He started to panic and say he wasn't ready and was scared to get married. I said that was OK, we don't have to rush- but I do want to make sure you want the same things as me. He said yes, let's just see what happens (it was only at a year and a half together- so I was NOT pushing to be married). So we both let the marriage talk go, but things were starting to change. Not between us in terms of love or lust. We never fought or anything like that. I could just feel him starting to pressure himself to make decision and he started to get depressed from that pressure. I tried so hard to ease the pressure. I noticed things had gotten better and by April, one night, he came home from work and said he just couldn't get married yet and doesn't know if he ever will or can and didn't want to waste my time or his. So we broke up, I moved out. And it has been 5 months since the break up. And I have fought hard. I tried to be there for him and make him think about how serious this is. When we do see each other, we have so much fun, like it always was. He says he needs space and time to think about everything. What does this mean? Has anyone else ever been in this same situation? What should I do to deal with this?

[Shadowburn]

Basically it means he doesn't mind to be in casual relationship and likes being around you but is not ready for serious commitment aka marriage.

You didn't mention how old both of you are. But I would say that yes, staying in relationship with someone who made is clear he is not sure he'll ever want to get married when this is what you want, is a waste of precious time. Please don't make that lame excuse of "But I love him". That's settling, and if you want a husband instead of life-long casual boyfriend, then you should look elsewhere.

Make a clean break and let him see what he wants out of life and relationships. Meanwhile, get your own life. Don't wait for him, 5 months after break up and he still don't know what his doing - there is nothing to wait for.

Good luck.

[Kitkat22]

Let him go and ask him to stay away. A clean break, NC and spend time with your friends.

[Homegirl 50]

He does not mind having a live-in but he does not want a wife and you should not settle for something you don't want.
After 5 months, he knows what he wants and that is to remain single.
Leave him completely alone and get on with your life without him.
I know it will be hard but it's better than hanging around and then later finding him with someone else, or missing out on someone wonderful for yourself.

[vanheart]

Hes not as serious as you are.

Doesn't know what he wants really or wishes to try & get on the same page as you. Just let things develop.

There's lots of guys with those fears, ones that can't communicate or are really incapable of a lasting relationship. One with goals & that can grow.

Its up to you how long you want to beat your head against the wall.

If he wants space, give it to him.

Would do you good too.

[talaniman]

You keep hoping that one day he will change his mind, and he hasn't yet so leave him alone and see what you feel like in a year of being without each other.

Just hanging around hoping is a waste of time for you, because he gets what he wants, and you just won't.

[vanheart]

True. Not everyone is right for each other.

It takes practice.

Bet you already know he isn't right. Even though its in our nature to keep trying, not to fail or regret.

Use your gut.