[Madd82]

I'm 28yrs old and have been having difficulty when it comes to sex. I have been unable to maintain an erection during intercourse. I can achieve one quite easily, just from kissing and touching, but I lose the erection within minutes of penetration or if I focus my attention on my partner and the only way I've been able to orgasm is from a handjob/masterbation.
I don't have much experience... the first time I had sex was in February of this year and I've had three partners since. I've been unable to keep an erection with all three. This has of course brought into question my sexuality, because it seems unlikely that it's a physical problem and I've been unable to determine a psychological cause.
If anyone can help me figure this out it would be most appreciated.

[kryostar]

Get check up with doctor. Psychological, maybe? Something you may need a shrink to find out. Or easy fix till you dig deeper, Viagra. Your 28 and your first intercourse was in Feb. of this year. So you have over a decade of masturbation only, you may need to reprogram you're your brain, what do you fantasize about while MBing? Try fantasizing about the same thing. "This has of course brought into question my sexuality" can you answer this?

[Madd82]

I'm straight as far as I'm concerned. I've never been attracted to guys or anything, but tge woman I was dating recently suggested a threesome with another guy involved. I was against it because I already feel inadequate since I'm incapable of having sex like I should. She said she wanted to do it because a third person may be able to help, by teaching me something that may help or by teaching her how to turn me on more. Later she told me that her really intentions were to see my response to having a man around. She's asked several times if I'm sure I'm not gay because it doesn't make sense to her how I can completely go soft when I focus on her.
I mostly just watch porn when I want to get off, but I have trouble with that now cause I use to picture myself taking tge place of the guys, but that doesn't work well now cause I can't imagine what it feels like to stay hard and make sex last. Now they kind of depress me to watch.

[Fr_Chuck]

Do you masterbate a lot ? Often a man can get so used to his own feel, and that pressure, he will have trouble if he is not getting it that way.

[Cat1864]

Get a check up and make certain that you are healthy. Are you on any medications or self-medicating with alcohol or drugs?

There could be a psychological aspect in that real life isn't like porn. You aren't used to focusing on anything other than your own body so you are becoming distracted very easily. Also, now you have the mental block of not being enough in real life. Her wanting to bring in a third person was not a helpful suggestion and as you have found out a damaging one.

If a threesome or questioning your sexuality is her idea of being helpful, you might want to think about the relationship and if you really want to be with her.

Like kryostar suggested, retrain your brain and body. Try not to watch porn and masturbating. Instead of thinking about what it should feel like, allow your body to react to outside stimuli.

It seems to me that you are doing too much thinking and not enough feeling.

[Madd82]

Me and that woman aren't really together anymore, but we do hang out occasionally and mess around. We just don't try to have sex any more, but we do at least try to get each other off. Sometimes she's unable to bring me to orgasm so either I need to get myself off or just forget about it... either way she feels bad cause I can get her off within' a few minutes.
It's not related to drugs or alcohol cause I don't do that stuff, but I do or am suppose to take meds for depression and tourettes syndrome. Though I rarely take my meds like I'm suppose to anymore. Besides I'm able to get erect with no problem and can stay that way for quite awhile, unless I actually penetrate her.
I have thought about the possibility that it's because I've been taking care of myself for so long that I can't remain hard any other way, but I don't have any idea of how I can fix that.

[kryostar]

Hi Madd82, I think you know where your issue lies "I have thought about the possibility that it's because I've been taking care of myself for so long that I can't remain hard any other way" OK we're creatures of habit and don't like change, but the good news is we can change. First thing is get it out of your head that you can't maintain an erection during sex. Your doubts are self perpetuating this. You need to not dwell on this. When your with your female friend and start making out, you become aroused very easily, your consumed in the moment, mother nature takes over,all is good. Then the next step, penetration, and the other half or your brain takes over, starts thinking too much, the pressure to perform, doubts from prier experiences,and guess what, you loose your erection. You need to stay in that blissful feeling when your making out, and become aroused, Don't put so much emphasis on penetration. You say you can get her off within' a few minutes, stretch that out to a few more minutes, once you penetrate doesn't mean you have to stay in there, put it in and take it out and continue making out, put it in again, a little bit longer, pull out and continue on with kissing, touching, caressing, exploring one another, And just build up to a little more and more over time. You won't have any problem.
Have fun and remember life is like a garden... DIG IT!!

[Madd82]

If all I need is to be reprogrammed then how would I go about doing that. I get angry at myself and some what depressed when I try having sex and go soft. Then of course I'm not really in the mood to do anything and I just want to be left alone. Also it will be difficult to try what you say kryostar, because I'm not with anyone. I could still fool around with the woman I mentioned, but she always talks about wanting me back, then if we do anything I feel guilty like I've used her.
Like I've told her before, I'm just to screwed up mentally to fix this problem.

[Cat1864]

Madd, you mentioned medications that you are supposed to be taking for depression and tourette syndrome. Why aren't you? Have you talked to your doctor about it. Your health both mental and physical is the top priority.

You haven't said anything but does the Tourette Syndrome cause issues with your maintaining focus on more than one thing at a time (for example: pleasuring her and pleasuring yourself)?

I am wondering if moving on from this relationship would be a good idea. It doesn't sound like you are really enjoying the 'friends with benefits'-type that this one has become. Is not wanting to 'use' her and her emotions part of the problem, now?

As for reprogramming your senses. Don't masturbate for several days. Don't watch porn. When you do start masturbating again, don't do it the same way you always have. See how long you can make it last instead of how fast you can climax. I don't if it would help you, but you might look at the male masturbatory aids. It would give you more of the 'penetration' feeling than a hand does.

[favourites]

This same problem I am facing I would like to finger my partner and would like if she sits on it but she is inexperienced as well and she can't don't know what to do.but I guess vigra will be the best option as it will erect automatic and penetrate.