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vanheart · Sep 19, 2010, 06:23 PM

Good. It just gets better.
Will make you stronger & more aware.

lamp_post · Sep 27, 2010, 06:18 AM

Have a very bad day, car got stolen. Need transport badly and brought back memories that my ex could and would willingly send or fetch me from work.

God, I miss her and still can't believe she could change overnight with the new guy this fast after all her good and lovey relationship with me fr 4 years. I may be ego at times but I love her every single day and I make sure she can have the best.

God! Why couldn't she sit down and work things out. WHY? 4 years!

Wanted to call her badly but instead came here and write it out.

vanheart · Sep 27, 2010, 03:15 PM

Sorry you had a bad day.
But you are learning to live life without her. Good & bad times.

Don't waste your energy wondering why she didn't want to try anymore.

She just didn't. Whatever the reasons.

Yes, vent here. Stay NC.

lamp_post · Oct 10, 2010, 05:43 PM

Guys, I didn't know how to say it but it does still hurt. I felt I am a loser for not going out where I still have no initiative or intentions to just hang OUT.

Yesterday, my friend told me she has changed her number. That is sad to hear. Thank you my friend for the good news~back to square one.

Shadowburn · Oct 10, 2010, 05:46 PM

Sometime you have to hit rock bottom before you really really get it - it's over and time to move on.

So her changing her number maybe exactly what you needed to hear. Yes, it hurts and sucks in general, but it is what it is, whether you like it or not, it's over.

Good luck.

lamp_post · Oct 10, 2010, 06:11 PM

Thanks Shadowburn. It's over long ago. Time and time only can able to help me. Just deeply hurt inside for 3 months now.

vanheart · Oct 11, 2010, 12:33 PM

You are exactly right. It takes time.
Make sure you are doing good things for yourself. Force yourself to have fun if you have to.

Its been over a year for me & I woke up today after a crappy nightmare about my ex.

First one in a long time. Only one place to go but up.

The past is the past. Don't worry, the hurt will fade quicker if you work at it.

lamp_post · Dec 12, 2010, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by vanheart

You are exactly right. It takes time.
Make sure you are doing good things for yourself. Force yourself to have fun if you have to.

Its been over a year for me & I woke up today after a crappy nightmare about my ex.

First one in a long time. Only one place to go but up.

The past is the past. Dont worry, the hurt will fade quicker if you work at it.

Yes, Vanheart. I did too have a nightmare of my ex today. It is still sucky and still keep moving on. Ex said want to keep us as a friend. Should I?

vanheart · Dec 12, 2010, 08:44 AM

No.
And nor should you be in contact.

jmjoseph · Dec 12, 2010, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by lamp_post

Yes, Vanheart. I did too have a nightmare of my ex today. It is still sucky and still keep moving on. Ex said wanna keep us as a friend. Should I?

I agree with vanheart, no way should you attempt to be "friends" with this girl.

You're not the first guy/girl who has had his/her heart ripped out by the deceit of a selfish woman/man. It hurts for a while then we move on to the next stage of our lives.

One day, soon I hope, you'll find a woman who you know you can trust. One who returns the love and respect with the same commitment that you have.

No, you're not going to die. No, it's not the end of the world. I know it feels like it right now, but things will get better. But the first step is for you to get back out there, and carry on. Keep busy.

She hurt you so bad you would do ANYTHING to get her back. And she insults you. You cried, and she said "he's better than you".
Now why would you want to be "friends" with someone like that? Why?

Good luck to you.

talaniman · Dec 12, 2010, 08:59 AM

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rule- While they are dumping you, never say you can't be friends. Agree to whatever they want, then disappear from their life.

His idea of friends may be to talk a lot and hang out sometimes, but that doesn't mean you have to do it his way! Don't argue the terms of friendship, just be politely busy, and unavailable for what he wants, while you do what you have to for yourself.

Talaniman Rule- Don't get sucked in the confusion of being friends, at the expense of your healing

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

He no longer has a say in how you plan, or live the life you want for yourself, nor has a say on whether he is a part of it any longer. Its your thing to do the way you want it done.

lamp_post · Jan 24, 2011, 07:10 PM

Thanks Talaniman, it is sucky again when a mutual friend told us that the Ex has sold the car I and her chosed together. Telling me now that she and her BF is so much happier and better.

Happier and better? WTH, if she isn't happy why we had lasted 4 years together. Waste of my darn time and whatever she said was plain stupid lies.

Back to square one.

vanheart · Jan 24, 2011, 07:24 PM

Well, that's more reinforcement to move on.

She's happy, you're not. Stop living in the past.

Worry about you not her.

martinizing2 · Jan 24, 2011, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by lamp_post

Thanks Talaniman, it is sucky again when a mutual friend told us that the Ex has sold the car I and her chosed together. Telling me now that she and her BF is so much happier and better.

Happier and better? WTH, if she isn't happy why we had lasted 4 years together. Waste of my darn time and whatever she said was plain stupid lies.

Back to square one.

I know it is hard to do.
But stop dwelling on what you and her did, or chose together, or places you went with her.

Do not let anyone update you on anything to do with her.

The healing starts when you begin to move on. And you really need to move on.

And it is a waste of time to think about her at all.

It Is Over. It will not ever be fixed. You need to think of her as disintegrated from your life, your mind, she is not even on the planet anymore.

Find new people to hang with, get a new hobby, keep your mind busy and off the past.

Don't look back, it will only drag you back.

It is hard but you can do it. You have to do it or keep reliving it until it drives you crazy.

Be focused , be strong, and look ahead to a brighter future

kaka67 · Jan 25, 2011, 12:13 AM

All your setbacks have been due to "mutual friends" giving you info.

I don't think the "mutual friends" have your best interest in mind.

Don't get updates on what she's doing or it will keep setting you back to NC DAY 1!!

Now that's SUCKY!!

lamp_post · Jan 25, 2011, 04:43 PM

I've been traveling a lot and doing different sports as well as meeting new people. The problem it's when I meet my mutual friend. I really do care of myself not hers.

Is a peace of mind that I have left amhd for awhile as I'm moving on but os always great to have you guys to support people like us.

lamp_post · Oct 17, 2011, 02:51 AM

I has been a year and 3 months now. Thought of an update for some people who is in the same / similar situation. I have had terrible 6 months after the break-up. Devastated. Then, I went on crazy/ wild mode to random datings and finally back again having different approach to relationship.

Ex-gf texted 1 month ago to check on me, to say hi. I was not pissed, just unhappy. Then, I forgot about her after reading. No more heartache.

talaniman · Oct 17, 2011, 11:44 AM

Healing the heart is a helluva process to go through, isn't it? Takes time, but you are getting it together.

daredevil4 · May 3, 2013, 02:14 AM

I am going through the same thing now and it started the same time yours did it has been nearly 3 years since she went off with someone else. The only difference I have is my 2 girls. It was not just a relationship she walked out on it was a family. To her my girls are a meal ticket and a roof over there head. She is out drinking on the weekends when I spend time with my girls. Another reason it's hard for me to move on is I don't get the chance to meet someone as I find it hard to make time for myself. My ex has also told me recently she has missed the past and we were getting along as friends. At the same time I started to develop feelings for her best friend. Now I asked my ex if it would be weird if I asked her out. Then she she went off on one saying that I liked her best friend the whole time we were together and our time together was a lie. Then it turned out the reason my ex went off on one was because she still had feelings for me. But didn't want to leave this other guy she wanted us both. She also said she knows it's not the end of us as in when she decides she is ready to grow up and be a mom I will be there with open arms. Any progress I made over the past 3 years put me back to square one in hours. I will always have this problem as nc is just not a option I have. With work and my girls time to find someone else is tight. But one thing is she will never have me back no matter what my heart or mind say.