[faith5]

I have been with my partner for more than 4 yrs now. Over the years I have noticed some strange behaviors from him and whenever I've tried bringing these to his attention he just gets angry or he shuts me up and says things like it's his life, he can do as he pleases or he will become verbally abusive. I thought this was just him being a stubborn man and trying to control me but now I have realised that he has no control whatsoever over his actions. He makes irrational decisions and it's like he is not happy unless there is a crisis in his life, he will create a crisis and be dramatic in a way that clearly indicates something is not right with him. He is constantly making changes like changing addresses and he says that he believes in change. At the moment he is going on about making plans to move to another country, at first he suggested that we both move but I made it clear to him that I would only move if I knew I was going to be secured jobwise in the other country and lately he is acting very vindictively and I think its because I said I'm not moving with him. I suspect he sufferes from manic depression and I think he is aware of his condition. The reason I think he is aware is because sometimes he says things like all people are either manic or depressed and also I can never use the word "normal" with him. He gets so offended when I use the word normal even if I'm just talking about whatever. I end up having to explain what exactly I mean by normal and this could go on for about an hour or so. His speech sometimes becomes so rapid and he jumps from one topic to the next, I mean we could start discussing about a program on telly and before I know it he will be talking about other things and it just doesn't flow. Lately he seems to believe that he can achieve anything and his self esteem is just way up. He also has a huge interest in internet pornography. In the last 6 months he has suffered about 2 panick attacks and he keeps blaming it on the weather. For me life with him has become unbearable and because he easily gets angry and abusive I am not even able to suggest that he talks to his GP about what's going on. Needless to say financially he is a mess because of all the constant unplanned changes , and it all leads to depression then he will be like oh I'm depressed but it's this weather. He is so obsessed with the weather the first thing he does when he gets up is look outside the window to check if it's sunny or gloomy and if it's gloomy then he starts complaining about the weather. I think he is aware of his situation and he is self medicating by doing all these changes with the hope that maybe changing an address will make him feel better. At the moment I am at the end of my tether with him, I feel so emotionally drained and I just want my peace back. However I do care about him and I think I owe it to myself to raise this issue with him and then leave it to him what he decides to do about it. I am just not sure if raising such a sensitive issue with him isn't going to lead to him getting angry and becoming abusive. Sorry this is such a long story but I'm new to this site and this is the first time I've actually said everything the way I see it so for me writing this has been very therapeutic.

faith5

[ordinaryguy]

I'm not medically qualified, but it does sound like he's either bipolar or BPD (borderline personality disorder). Being close to someone with either of these conditions will certainly put you through the wringer, I can testify to that. I've had two friends who were diagnosed bipolar, and it eventually wore me slick and I had to detach. I don't know what to say except do it as long as you can, and when you can't anymore, then stop. They're like an alcoholic in that until they hit bottom and decide on their own they need help, there's really not much you can do. Often they do something really outrageous and get arrested and that's how they get into treatment (if they're lucky enough to live in a society that knows the difference between mental illness and criminality).

I wish I could be more optomistic. Maybe somebody with more experience and qualifications can give you better suggestions about what you can do. All I learned is that you aren't really helping them if you play along with their moods and bail them out of all their difficulties. They can always take it farther, and eventually that's what it will come to. If you fear for your physical safety, and you're as emotionally drained as you sound, it may be time to distance yourself from him with love and let him go his own way. Here's a link that may help. A couple of web searches will yield tons more, I'm sure. www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm

Here's another one that looks pretty good:
http://www.mhsanctuary.com/borderlin...st/askther.htm

[sadiesmom]

five years is a long time to have lived the way you have. you must be exhausted. from what you have stated in your post it doesnt sound like he would be receptive at all to discussing his issues. you dont owe him the right to abuse you for any reason. it may have always been verbal in the past but it could become physical.