[give2me1lemons]

I'm back at college for a second attempt, and while this roommate seems a lot better than the last one, I am uneasy about some things.

The good: She seems nice. She is really religious so, maybe I'm being stereotypical, but I expect she will not be cruel. She brought me donuts from work. She invites me to lunch or whatever, though it's out of kidness not friendship.

The bad: I think she's using me for my car. The first day I met her she asked if she could use my car for her road test. She's always talking about getting a car, getting a loan to get a car. She asked me to take her to/pick her up at work. Last night she wanted me to get her at midnight, but I had her make sure there was no one else so she ended up getting a ride. She criticizes my driving and expects me to know where I'm going when I don't live here. I dropped her off at church this morning, and I'm scared I have to pick her up...

I'm a little traumatized about the traffic here now because of getting beeped at three times and criticized driving with her. I don't really want to do anything or go anywhere with her because I feel used. I don't want to have an issue with her, but I don't know how to tell her to find another ride. It doesn't seem like her family is willing to drive her around, and I'm not sure why she won't ask her friends. I don't think she really has money or much support, so I feel bad turning her down. What should I do? Do you think she's using me or am I being paranoid?

[asking]

You need time for your own life. She is totally using you as her chauffeur. And she's criticizing your driving? Ugh. She will probably use you for other things if you let her. I would set some limits. For example, tell her you will drive her to one thing per week or per month, whatever you feel you can commit to, but you can't be on call so much.

Why doesn't she take the bus or ride a bicycle? Perhaps there are people at church who carpool. By the way, I did not have a car at anytime during college and mostly got around fine.

In general, she's not respecting boundaries and you don't seem to have any boundaries either. This is something you will need to learn quickly if you want to have a good year. This isn't the only thing she will ask for this year.

At minimum, learn how to say, "I'm not sure; I'll get back to you" to give yourself time to come up with a polite "no."

[Jake2008]

This is one of those situations that you need to nip in the bud.

You are her roommate, not her chauffeur. You cannot seriously think its okay for her to keep asking, making this a permanent part of your relationship expectations, simply because she keeps asking, and you keep doing.

All the other attributes don't make it okay. The arragement, I'm sure, did not give you some discount to cover the costs of getting her to and from, in your car.

You will have to be straight with her, and keep it simple. Tell her that, in an emergency, of course you will take her to hospital, but day to day use of a car and driver isn't going to happen any longer. Tell her that you do not wish to assume the liability of having a regular passenger.

She will likely protest because she does not want to lose this handy taxi thing she has going on, but stay your ground and don't argue. Just tell her (repeatedly if you have to), that she'll have to make her own transportation needs with somebody else.

[asking]

Jake is right. Nip it in the bud.

Also, read about boundaries:

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

[give2me1lemons]

Yeah she'll criticize me and stress me out so I mess up. She says I scare her and I don't brake smoothly and I miss turns because she's texting and doesn't tell me and she won't tell me what lane to be in until the last minute. We drove out of state the other day because she didn't pay attention. She says I'm "messing up" when I last minute, flustered, try to get over in a lane at an intersection, realize there's a car coming up over there, and then stay where I am. Then she lectures me on not passing at intersections. She says I am not a confident driver. I see myself having an accident driving with her. On the way back from driving her to church, I had no problems..

She invites me to church, too, though I think it's so she will have a ride. When she brought me the donuts, I felt obligated to do something nice for her. I even let her drive my car the other day because I don't have a backbone, and I never let anyone drive my car.

I'll read that link because I don't really know how to tell her no without losing the one person I know here at all.

EDIT: Finally met her mom. My roommate wants me to take her to work, and she mentioned she needs to get the rest of her clothes at her house (hint?). Her mom said she'd give us directions of routes to her work and church with less traffic? I don't know how to get out of this, it's so awkward.

[asking]

Sheesh! Now you know where she gets it.
People like her and her mom make it incredibly awkward to say no. But the longer you keep agreeing to be the personal driver, the harder it will be to say no.

You will be meeting other people soon (and in fact you'll meet more of them if you aren't spending several hours a week driving her around).

Jake's advice is the best. Nip it in the bud. You need to be straight with her that this isn't something you want to do.

What would they have done if you didn't have a car? They'll think of something else.

Get busy with college and new friends now and HAVE other commitments that keep you from driving her, so she doesn't think you are just being difficult (which you are not).

Quick. What do you like to do on Sunday? :)

[give2me1lemons]

Well I just walked nearly two miles to where one of my classes will be. I took the shorter way there the first time in the humidity, but I lost where I was on the way back so I walked at least .8 miles along the road. I might walk the nature trail by myself later, but it rains a lot and I don't want to go at night.


I think she's at work now. Either that or she went to eat without me. Eh.

[give2me1lemons]

I'm letting her use me and my car Wednesday for her road test so she can pass and get her own car and not use me anymore. Except she asks the girls downstairs about going to eat and not me, when we've been in the same room two hours? Stupid that it bothers me, I knew she was just using me, but why am I so useless when it comes to dealing with people? There are so many pathetic words to describe this..

Whatever... Hopefully the issue of her using me will be solved by her license. The end.