[penguinophile]

OK. I am the mother of 2 wonderful children, a 9 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. I left their biological father 6 years ago, and our divorce was finalized 2 years ago. I have been with the same man for the past 6 years. We have a stable home and the kids are well-provided for. They call my boyfriend dad, he does everything a father is supposed to do and considers them his children.
As for their biological father, he has steadily declined financially, and is simply a reprehensible person. He has no job, is living with a woman who has told me she has prostituted herself in the past. They have a 3 year old child and another on the way. At this point, they are living in a dive motel, have no car, no jobs, no money. It is at the point where he calls me to ask for money or food or rides. I have custody of the kids, and there is a support order in place, which he does not honor. He is in contempt of court for this, has been arrested once but released after 2 days. We go to court again on August 31, 2010, and I'm hoping the judge will take serious action against him this time, but I am not holding my breath.
As for our custody order, he is to take the children every other weekend, every other holiday, and every Wednesday over night. We got the mid-week visit taken away because the kids were constantly late to school on Thursday mornings. He has only had the kids one weekend in the past 4 months, and when he did take them, I had to send food for them for the weekend. Their father does not even call them for weeks at a time. It is so bad that, when I took my daughter to the ER a few months ago, he couldn't be reached and I did not hear from him for nearly a week afterwards.
Now that I've given some background information, I will get to my question.
I have asked my ex-husband numerous times to simply give up his parental rights. I want this for the sake of my kids. It is at the point where they cry when I have to send them, do not even want to talk to him on the phone, and say they hate him and they feel like he only loves his child he has with his girlfriend. When they come home, all they talk about is how he did nothing but sleep all weekend, his girlfriend was mean to them, etc. I have even spoken to their guidance counselor and their school's psychologist, and they agree that him giving up his rights and removing himself from their lives would be a benefit for the kids. Unfortunately, my ex-husband says he will only sign away his rights if he can still call them, get photos, and if I sign a document stating that my boyfriend will NEVER adopt the kids, even if we marry. My questions are:
1) how do I go about starting the process for him to give up his rights?
2) is he still obligated to pay support?
3) can he dictate who can or can't adopt the kids?
I know it sounds horrible that I want him to get out of their lives, but the kids are very unhappy. My son has ADHD and a brain tumor and some emotional problems, and these are always worse after he has spent time with his father. I just want what is best for my kids, and I want them to be stable, safe and happy, and I believe the only way to completely achieve that is to remove their father from their lives. My boyfriend loves the kids, and wants to adopt them, but we are stuck between a rock and a hard place here. What can I do??

[GV70]

He cannot just sign over his rights.Especially you cannot force him to do it voluntary.
However you may try to terminate his rights through the court.

TPR is governed by 23 Pa. Cons. Stat. Ann. § 2501- § 2511 and § 6302

Have in mind that there are circumstances that are grounds for termination and circumstances that are not grounds for termination

Circumstances That Are Grounds for Termination:
1.Abuse/Neglect
2.Failure of Reasonable Efforts
3Abuse/Neglect or Loss of Rights of Another Child
4.Sexual Abuse
5.Failure to Maintain Contact
6.Failure to Provide Support
7.Child's Best Interest

Circumstances That Are Not Grounds for Termination
1.Abandonment or Extreme Parental Disinterest
2.Mental Illness or Deficiency
3.Alcohol or Drug Induced Incapacity
4.Felony Conviction/Incarceration

And answers...

1) how do i go about starting the process for him to give up his rights?

You cannot start a process for him to give his rights up

2) is he still obligated to pay support?

Yes.

3) can he dictate who can or can't adopt the kids?

Yes. In the eyes of law he is their legal father and he has rights.