[aivrsn75phila]

A mix of different pains, loss, heartache

[Kitkat22]

a mix of different pains, loss, heartache

When I lost my Dad I thought I had never known such pain. I wondered how could anyone live with that kind of pain. But I made myself get out of bed and start living again. You can too.

[talaniman]

You have allowed yourself to be isolated, and you need a plan to get you among people, and interact with them. Is there a library near you? See what special events, or activities they have, when you shop for groceries, look directly at people, and say good morning. That's how you overcome your isolation. Baby steps until you master saying hi, can smile, and mean it.

Is there a gym near you? Take some of that overtime money, and invest it in a membership, and get a regular work out going. Work up a good sweat, eat a good meal, and get proper rest. Two aspirin after a shower, and you will sleep like a baby, and wake up refreshed.

QUESTIONS??

[Kitkat22]

You have allowed yourself to be isolated, and you need a plan to get you among people, and interact with them. Is there a library near you? See what special events, or activities they have, when you shop for groceries, look directly at people, and say good morning. Thats how you overcome your isolation. Baby steps until you master saying hi, can smile, and mean it.

Is there a gym near you? Take some of that overtime money, and invest it in a membership, and get a regular work out going. work up a good sweat, eat a good meal, and get proper rest. two aspirin after a shower, and you will sleep like a baby, and wake up refreshed.

QUESTIONS????

Read Tal's advice and take it. He's pretty well always right. We'll be here for you.:)

[QLP]

What about the people at work? Have you managed to get to know them?

I like the sound of this guy who can write, is artistic, musical, can play basketball. How can you find him again? He's still in there somewhere. Like Tal said baby steps.

[aivrsn75phila]

To talaniman: I do go to the library but I never tal to anyone. I study/read and when I am done or feel like I have had enough, I leave. Beside, who wants to interact when people give you strange or mean looks? I go to the gym and there are hardly any people there when I go.
People at work, I don't care for. Most are hypocrites and I want nothing to do with them when I am invited to events because I cannot and will not have ''fun'' with hypocritical people. Also, being almost 30, many of my peers are married or whatever and have children, so hanging out is not really a regular thing.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would say your issues are with you and your attitude and your opinion of other people. You get treated the way you normally treat others.

[aivrsn75phila]

To Fr_chuck: maybe you are right

[Kitkat22]

to talaniman: I do go to the library but I never tal to anyone. I study/read and when I am done or feel like I have had enough, I leave. Beside, who wants to interact when people give you strange or mean looks? I go to the gym and there are hardly any people there when I go.
People at work, I don't care for. Most are hypocrites and I want nothing to do with them when I am invited to events because I cannot and will not have ''fun'' with hypocritical people. Also, being almost 30, many of my peers are married or whatever and have children, so hanging out is not really a regular thing.

Okay, first lets try something. No one is perfect. There are hypocrites anywhere you go. If you are expecting people to be perfect before you talk with them, you're in for a shock, there are no perfect people in the world. Why do they look at you funny? Do you have two heads or a
Third eye? I think not. You have given up on the things you love because you have found out what most of us already know, nobody's perfect, there are hypocrites in the world, we lose people we love, some people marry and are happy and some marry and are not.

You can find imperfection in anything if you look hard enough. You have given up music and writing and all the things you love because you have been introduced to the real world. That's what it is the real world.
We've all suffered losses and those losses left us feeling infuriated and hopeless. There are reasons for everything.

We all have hated a job at one time or the other. Join the club. We've all lost a boyfriend or a girlfriend at one time. We don't crawl into a hole and stop living. Cowards do that. It takes somebody with a whole lot of Guts to stay in this world after they have been broken, but they do and they grow stronger. The coward who has no backbone and has a pity party every day is the one who takes the easy way out.


Look around you and stop being so analytical about life. I haven't seen one thing you have said that is positive about anything. You better be sure of where you find yourself in this life. There are no fairy tale endings. Life is just what you make it!

[talaniman]

Sometimes the first impression is the one that they remember, and just because someone has a mean look, isn't an indication that they are.

Library-look for a special event

Gym-actually do the work out.

Work-I don't care what you say, everyone is not a hypocrite, and you should never prejudge people until you know them well. Plus you are not trying to marry your co workers, just interact on a friendly basis, with the ones who are cool. I say good morning, and hello to my enemies, doesn't mean we have to pal around. You have much to work on as you build a life that you enjoy. You are sorely in need of an attitude make over. You will never date until you open up some, and stop letting bad examples of behavior shut you down, and isolate yourself.

Heck I can make any check out clerk, at any store smile and engage just with a simple "How are you".

So can you if you put your best foot forward. It just takes practice, the right attitude, and patience and some good old fashion stick to it.

Even if you could get a date, where would you take them, and what would you do??

[Kitkat22]

What I see is someone who has had a few disappointments in life and who in my opinion is very unfriendly.

You expect other people to live up to the expectations you yourself don't live up too.

You hide behind your cynicism. I think you think you are better than most people you encounter.
You threw down the race card in your first post and that didn't wash so you come up with every reason on earth to be the way you are.
You're the one who makes your life good or bad. If you depend on others to do that.. GOOD LUCK.
The reason you are alone is because you choose to be. If you have lost a wife or girlfriend they would expect you to move on.

Good luck with finding that perfect
World. Ain't going to happen. You should be ashamed of yourself wasting a God given talent and feeling sorry for yourself.

Do you know how many people would love to play the piano and make the world a little better by bringing beautiful music and songs to life?

Yet you choose not to write and not to play piano and your just waiting for someone to tell you it's OK it's not.

[stephyHEROINE]

Omqeee! Nooo! Don't worry about your color:)
It doesn't matter if your black,blond,short,skinny or tall! What it matters is the inside:)
If boys don't ask you out they don't deserve you so be patient:) and just wait for the exact one:)
Be happy and just be nice and try to meet new people:) he will come hun' don't worry or don't get sad for that:)

[Kitkat22]

omqeee! nooo! dont worry about your color:)
it doesnt matter if your black,blond,short,skinny or tall! what it matters is the inside:)
if boys dont ask you out they dont deserve you so be patient:) and just wait for the exact one:)
be happy and just be nice and try to meet new people:) he will come hun' dont worry or dont get sad for that:)

She is a he.

[aivrsn75phila]

To talaniman, Kitkat22, stephyHEROINE: thank you. I appreciate all comments, niceness, harshness, etc. ONe thing is for sure: when I was a nicer, friendlier person (still black, I might add) this did nothing for me, because of the innate racist attitudes in America. When I DID have a girl, it was only because they thought I was someone I was not and I wasn't who/what they perceived ''us'' to be. I don't like hip-hop and I speak intelligently, and wear pants ON my butt and people don't like that. Again, I appreciate all the comments

[asking]

If you think Americans are racist (probably a lot less than they used to be, but still), how come you didn't want me to say that here? I'm the only one here who agreed with you. (Not that other things don't play a role, like a cheerful attitude, patience, making friends first, getting to know women as individuals with their own goals and challenges.)

In general, I think, people are friendlier to a man who already has a girlfriend (or has kids), because in some fashion he's been vetted and is viewed as safe. Women assume he's more desirable. Men think he's got something going for him. When men are alone, I think people are warier. Just my opinion from observation.

With women, the dynamics are different. I find that when I'm "with," people are more likely to talk to me as if they already know everything they need to know about me and it's just a matter of passing some time.

Life is always harder when you don't conform to other people's stereotypes.

[aivrsn75phila]

To asking: Sorry, you are allowed and encouraged to say whatever you like. Again, I welcome your all others' opinions, as I am trying to be better. So what happened when I was cheerful, friendly, even engaging albeit with no girlfriend, and I still used to get treated like I was less than human, and I kept on being so until I got fed up and gave up? I see other races where some men are practically boring but the women just LOVE them. A point to make with brown skin in America, I am already perceived as a threat. What is to be wary of about me?

[talaniman]

The world is full of ignorant people and you can't control how they feel, or what they do. The real question is why you allow such people to define you? That's what you have to answer for yourself.

[Kitkat22]

Please elaborate on how you were treated. I would like to know .
You blame every person in the world for the way some treated you?

That is so unfair. Do you think if you were light or lighter it would be any different?

I thought I was helping you but for every bit of advice, you come up with a reason to disregard it.

I really thought I could change your mind but I can't. For the life of me I cannot figure out how someone who has the talents you have could just stop playing piano and writing.

I've figured it out, you like being miserable and blaming it on the color of your skin or a few ignorant people. You know what
You stay up there in your little den of gloom and let life pass you by.

I don't feel sorry for you because you have so much more than a lot of people have and yet you focus
On every single bad thing that has happened to you .

We've all had our crosses to bear and yours is nothing compared to some.

Do whatever you want to do, stay the cynical self-pitying person you are or get some backbone and know the world doesn't revolve around you or anyone.

It's up to you to make and find happiness. Being lighter isn't going to make you any different. You would still have the same attitude. Look how miserable Michael Jackson was. He had money, talent and he bleached his skin and had plastic surgery all the time.
He died a poor miserable young man who had never had the chance to be a kid. He was one of the best entertainers I have ever known and he was miserable. I'm not giving you anymore advice cause it isn't going to do any good.

You have made up your mind that the world sucks and the people who don't conform to your needs suck so there's nothing else I can tell you.

[aivrsn75phila]

To Kitkat22: you particularly do not have to bother with me, I needed some answers that's all.
Once again, thank you.

[Fr_Chuck]

Of course you did not get the self pity answers you wanted, the truth is a hard mirror to look into.

Perhaps it will sink in and help you in the long run