[danisb713]

I have been with the father if my 2 children for 7 years. In the beginning it was great. 7 years later after him becoming sober. He gets this attitude I'm greater and better than you. He thinks I'm jealous of him... of what I don't know... he only wants sex once every 2-3 weeks. On the days we do... he swears we got to be more sexually active but then its always the same... 2-3 weeks later it repeats its self. It only Lasts 15 minutes. I'm to that point where I'm just bored and annoyed. What do I do. I either want to fix it. Or be rid of it. Any advice.. . for either communication or sexually.. .

[Homegirl 50]

How old is he and when did he last see a doctor.
Aside from sex or lack thereof, how is your marriage?

[danisb713]

He will be 26 in October. Really there is no relationship. I work during the day he watches the girls. Ad soon ad I walk in door... literally 3 seconds later he walks out.. promises hell be back by 8 or 9. Then come strolling in at 12-----1 or 2-3 am Loud as all heck rude. Counting his money trying to have conversation with me when knows I got to get up s 6:30 for work.

[Homegirl 50]

You two are not married. I understand he is taking care of the kids while you work.
Does he work? Has the relationship always been this way and if so, why are you still there?

[talaniman]

Its up to you to set the rules of good behavior you both can live with, such as letting you sleep so you can work, and curious where he is off to every night? And does he work, sure doesn't sound like it.

[danisb713]

No he does not work. He gets paid each month. I have no daycare. None at all. My family is complicated. My sister is a single mom of 4. My parents are busy helping her. I guess I just don't understand why he stays there but really acts like he hates me. I'm tired of it all but if I kick him out he refuse to watch the kids. He will only watch them if he's at my house. We don't talk... we don't.. . well we don't anything. Yet he won't leave
What do I do. Its annoying n unhealthy not only for me emotionalally but for our two wonderful girls as well. I know I can't get a straight answer to my questions but I guess I am just needing dome advice in to what I can do to change him... or me... or well the whole situation to make it at least livable.. . ya know.

[talaniman]

You may be eligible for a daycare subsidy from human resources, or what is the county Child Services in your state. They can also aid you in getting his a$$ to court, and getting child support. What ever your complications are, there are options to get him out of your house, and financially responsible for the welfare of the kids. I assume he does pay something for staying with you, with his once a month check? If not, you need a better deal than the one you have now.

Explore your options, and get a plan for independence, so you don't have to put up with his crap.

[danisb713]

Yes I got cut off child care assistance you can only make 2100 a month before taxes. He pays 25 a month for child support. As we speak I'm sick in bed with menengitous been in hospital for 1 week and he says its not his job to watch kids while I'm sick because he pays rent. I asked him to just leave and he says give him back all the rent money he's paid plus the deposit because if it were not for him. I wouldn't have this place. I'm STUCK.

[talaniman]

Not trying to be harsh at all, but whose name is on the lease? I have to be straight, his pittance every month helps no one, but him, and if they are his kids then it is his job to parent them, regardless of his 25 freakin' bucks a month. That's BS, and you better give him his notice, and get more child support because in most states that's a shared responsibility.. Seems he could kick in his share, or he has to go plain, and simple.

You are only a stuck as you want to be, so get some good legal advice, and make a plan, because I never heard of a father living with his baby mama who takes no responsibility, and get a free ride. Geeez you really do need a better plan than have him mooch off you, like splitting the expenses so you could afford daycare, if he was working, but since he is a stay at home dad, for his own kids, you two should be working a lot better together.

You seem to be going along with his BS, because you feel stuck, but you are stuck because you allow his bad behavior.

[loloju]

You guys really need to communicate. There's nothing you can do that will work LONG TERM at making him be more affectionate towards you. I believe that you might need to sit down and talk to him about how you feel (honestly) and how you feel it is affecting the relationship between the two of you. While talking remember that he also have feelings and they might be different then yours so do not present your feelings as facts... Once you do talk and there is honesty between you guys, you will look at him in a new light and vice versa and perhaps him being affectionate towards ou will start back again

[danisb713]

Today he told me I ain't helping you with shi* u should go kill yourself. Obviously I won't and will not I just don't get why he does and says thus stuff then stays in my house. I am on the lease not him.I've been sick in the hospital and am forced to stay at my mom house because he won't help. I get everything you are saying I guess I just found this website as. A place I can vent to and no one can really judge me. I'm working getting him out. If I say leave now hell ask for all his rent back for this month. Crazy but thanks for the talk. And the advice.

[kaka67]

I just don't get why he does n says thus stuff then stays in my house.

Because you let him.

I am on the lease not him

Then kick him out.

Your situation has been made by both of you. If you want it to change then you have to do something about it. Because he won't.

Why would he :confused: He spends all day doing nothing (does he actually "look after the kids" or just ignores them?) then goes out at night. Doesn't work and doesn't support his own children. What a life!!

You want this to change you need to do it. Is he violent/abusive in anyway? If he is then id pick up my kids and leave. Break the lease if you have to. At least you'll be free of him.

HE Isn't GOING TO CHANGE

[pipstik]

Get yourself a laweyer and send him a notice to get out of the house. You don't need a burden like him. I can't understand how put up with him for this long!

[talaniman]

The good news, if he is served he will have to leave. The better news is his case to get money back from you means nothing, it's a scare tactic. The even better news is after his notice is up, and he hasn't moved, he can be legally, removed.

Let him go to Judge Mathis to get all his rent money back, and see how far he gets.

[danisb713]

My children's father moved out yesterday n left a bottle of bleach pour all over my clothes he ripped from my closet any suggestions??

[Eileen G]

Report him to the police. That's criminal damage.

[talaniman]

By all means report him, as now he is gone, and you have grounds for a restraining order, and a bunch of other stuff. Be warned though, he may be back, and really upset. Do not take him back, and don't wait to call someone immediately, and document everything. You have to have an official complaint for anything to work in your favor. Make the call to the cops NOW!

[kaka67]

You need to call the cops so there is a record of his behaviour. Did you actually see him do it?

I hope it wasn't too hard on you getting him out, but it sounds like it was, but congrats on making that important step.

Just be careful. You don't know what he'll do.

[Devorameira]

Definitely call the police and report his behavior. You do need to get an order of protection to assure your safety.

You're going to get along great without him. Things always have a way of working out, so try to keep your chin up!

[loloju]

I understand why everyone is sayign to report him to the police but WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?
Unfortunately, because you chose to have children or accidentally had children with such an individual, he will always be in your life at least until the kids are 18.

My question to you, if you can answer honestly is : do you love him? For some reason from the way you have talked, I feel that if he comes back you will take him back him.
You have got to learn from the mistakes you've learned from your past; if you don't... you're doomed to repeat the same mistake over and over again.