[Homegirl 50]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.


Exactly!

[Spontaneouslemon]

Hey guys,

So... promise not to kill me okay? But I responded to his e-mail. This led to a back and forth of us catching up. I told him about my month, cause he asked, and he told me about his, and then said we should meet up for coffee. I was confused as to why he wanted us to meet up when we had completely caught up on both of our months, but I decided to go. I felt that maybe I wouldn't be so attracted to him and we could be friends since we get along so well. Anyway, I decided I'd evaluate what could be, after having coffee with him. He had picked out a little restaurant for lunch and we caught up on everything. I plan on moving out soon, which I had told him in the message, and I'm evaluating my college situation because I act and go on auditions that have been affecting my attendance so I decided I may have to just take online courses or not be a full time student, or postpone school, etc.. Anyway, he asked me about where I was in the moving process, and asked me very precise questions like "When exactly do you plan on moving, like 2 months? 3 months?" or "Where exactly do you plan on moving?" He was also targeting my busy schedule and was concerned about everything I was doing, claiming it was too much. (which it IS) Then he asked me about college and basically didn't understand why I was staying in college when my focus is on acting. Now, I know this seems strange he would endorse non-education, which he noted he felt strange about too, but he made good points in stating that I'm not looking to use my degree (in journalism) and I'm doing really well already in acting and filmmaking and he knows that I would do well. He is also an actor and explained how he got his degree in finance and never used it and is still paying for his college tuition. Anyway, we mostly talked about that, which was also a little strange. He said he wanted to see me work, book jobs, and succeed. Which was so nice of him to say, but I couldn't help but wonder why he was so incredibly concerned about this. It also seemed as if the questions he was asking were so that he could see if he would fit in my life now in any way. Anyway, during the lunch I could also feel sexual tension. And when we said our goodbyes, he hugged me tightly and gave me a semi-lingering kiss on the cheek. Then he said 'let's talk soon'.

So that was our lunch and the next morning I decided on how I felt about it, and it wasn't good. I decided that he was being very confusing with his actions: Does he want to be with me? Does he not? Is he keeping me close? Does he really just want to be friends or what? Whatever his reasons may be, it was too confusing of a situation for me to handle, especially at this transitional point in my life when I planning on moving out and completely shifting my student life (Which, before you guys freak out, I'm not dropping out of. But I am narrowing down my full time 15 units status to a part time 6-9 units status so that I can continue to also be a full time employee and pursue acting like I am now except minus the stress! ). Also, I do still have feelings for him and after breaking it down, the only honest reason I would be staying in touch with him would be to see if potentially something would happen between us, which isn't healthy. And if he does want to be with me, then he can be with me, it isn't fair for him to wait till my circumstances fit his life better so that we could be together. Anyway, that afternoon I gave him a call and told him everything. First, I updated him on my decision about college cause he asked me to update him on that. Then, I told him I enjoyed seeing him and catching up, but I felt this was too early for us to be building on our friendship. I'm going through a lot right now and I can't have him be a part of my life during this process. To which he said that he completely respected that. He then said that he just wanted me to know that he genuinely cares about me. He also said that he wishes me the absolute best. But I could tell he was having a hard time with it. After a couple of beats of silence at one point, he asked if I could send him messages or quick updates on Facebook or something so that he knows how I'm doing and to just update him on my life. (?? ) To which I responded that I could only evaluate that with time. I mean if I feel comfortable enough to do that at any point. Then he ended by saying "Then I guess I'll talk to you sometime in the future".

The end. It was hard to do, and the next morning I almost regretted it. Now I feel good about it. I don't regret having lunch with him, because now I know for sure. But I of course can't help but wonder what were his motives in contacting me. And why he wants me to update him about my life? Could he possibly be just an incredibly caring guy who genuinely wants to make sure I'm doing well? Or is he just trying to keep a tab on me, and trying to make sure I don't get over him? Just in case in the future... I don't know. Anyway, this has been quite a mental roller coaster ride, and I don't know if I can imagine not having him be a part of my life at least in a year from now or at some point, but maybe this NC business is the only way to go. What do you guys think? Is he possibly a genuinely nice guy I may want to have around me at some point? Or should I run from the hills and never look back? Either way, I know I wouldn't be contacting him until I knew I was 100% ready. Which may takes months, and if that 100% certainty never comes, then it won't happen...

[Homegirl 50]

Now I feel good about it. I don't regret having lunch with him, because now I know for sure.
You don't know anything for sure. You're still asking does he, why did he, what does this mean questions. You are still on the rollercoaster just a different section.
This is why NC is a good thing. Go back on it and move on.

[Spontaneouslemon]

Ah, you're right. It's just such an odd and confusing situation! Which is why I definitely needed to veer away from it. Even if I don't know anything for sure, I do feel better about the situation. Especially not having to deal with it anymore. I'm ready to move on.

Thanks everyone for your help :)

[youremynitesky]

I had the same thing happen with me and a guy. When I asked him about it he says people ask each other out still? I was so confused but we ended up dating and now married :)