[jen8582]

I there, I will keep this as short as possible, I would really appreciate any suggestions.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years, 1 1/2 of which we have lived together. I am 21 and he is 23. I love him very much but our sexual problems are becoming bigger and bigger.
He has always been the one to initiate any type of sexual activity- he is my first boyfriend, my first everything, I hadn't even kissed a boy before him, so he has always been the one with more experience. I do not feel comfortable initiating sex with him for a couple of reasons. Early on, this was because I was too afraid of not knowing what to do and just not feeling comfortable. After awhile I wondered why he didn't seem to care that I never touched him below the waist, not even during sex. He told me he did not like to receive oral sex. I thought I was lucky since I didn't really want to do that, especially if he wasn't really into it, but over time I have come to desire to have that feeling of closeness that women who give oral sex say they get from the experience. Yet I feel a million miles away from ever really do it.
The main reason however, that I rarely touch him is that he is extremely ticklish, so any movement from my hands to his lower regions causes him to be angry that I am tickling him. Not only is it bad enough that I don't feel all that comfortable touching him, but he makes it clear that he doesn't like me to touch him anywhere below the waist since it tickles him so much.
My boyfriend and I smoke pot throughout the day, I started smoking daily when I met him. I have moderate to severe depression and anxiety, so I have a medical marijuana card and find that smoking is so far the best medication. In the beginning of our relationship we had plenty of sex, almost daily, even managing to find time with a roommate around. He has rarely been able to last more than 10 minutes inside of me. I have never had an orgasm, alone or with him. I've tried vibrators and masturbation but with no luck. The only way I feel satisfied is to have sex until I get tired of it, maybe for 20 minutes. but this rarely happens. This clearly bothered him, but I guess now we have both just gotten used to the fact that I won't orgasm.
Within the last few months we have sex less and less, his sex drive just keeps dropping. We have had sex only twice in the last month. When I bring this up he apologizes, says he loves me and we have sex. The next night though we are back to him just passing out at night. He blames this on smoking too much weed, yet he makes no attempt to want to trade in the weed for sex. I don't feel like I have the right to lecture him about smoking weed since I do it too. I don't feel like I have the right to tell him he comes to quickly since I can't come at all or even try to stimulate him in any way. I have NO way of initiating sex if I can't touch him, so when he doesn't initiate, we don't have sex, leaving me extremely frustrated that I just start crying. This has happened more times than I can count. I don't feel beautiful or sexy, even though he re-assures me that I'm gorgeous but still doesn't desire me. Worse yet, my desire for him has been shrinking, I don't have to have sex, but the less I do the less connected I feel to him. I want to feel in love, but I don't.
When I brought up these issues he thought all I wanted was for him to make me feel more sexy, but this is much more than that. He told me he thought our sex life was boring and I agree, but what can we do to fix this? Esp in leu of how ticklish he is. How can I initiate sex with him and not feel so angry and unattractive? What should I say or do to him to increase his libido?
Please help...

[fisk]

This is just my opinion of course, but I think that him saying that he is ticklish is not a reason for not wanting you to touch him. I have never heard of a guy that doesn't like being touched 'down there'... if he doesn't like blow jobs (which is still weird) he would still like a hand job. And sex involves touching too, I can't imagine sleeping with a guy and having to keep your hands from touching below the waist-with him being angry at you if you don't! Are you sure there's nothing behind this? Maybe he had a bad experience before?

And, I'm not a doctor, but maybe weed is interfeering somehow with your body and that's why you don't manage to feel pleasure from orgasming. But someone else needs to answer this.

[Cat1864]

How does he get his marijuana? Is he self-medicating problems of his own?

When masturbating do you orgasm? Do you masturbate?

It sounds like you need more arousal time than you are getting. Depending on him to start everything seemed to be leaving you unsatisfied.

Yes, you can initiate sex without touching his genitals. Talk to him. Tell him what you want to do. Tell him what you want him to do. Bring him into your fantasies. Nibble on his neck and ear. Kiss and nuzzle his hands. The groin is only one part out of many. Enjoy the rest of the body too.

When sex isn't expected, communicate with him. Tell him what concerns you and why. If he refuses to talk with you or work on the issues with you, then you have your answer about what he really thinks about you and the relationship.