[mindvsheart]

As much as I tried, it was impossible to keep this short!

I know many of the posts on this website deal directly with the breakee, but my question needs both a breaker and breakee’s point of view.

I was with my ex-gf for 4.5yrs. She’s 24 and I’m 27. We lived together for about 1.5yrs. The last six months have been very rocky. So rocky that I felt like we needed a break. On Friday, Aug 12, we got into this huge argument wherein she threatened to breakup w/me and leave the house. She was acting so irrational that I was on board with her decision. She packed up as much clothes as she could that night and took off to her moms. The next day (Saturday) we did not communicate. The following day (Sunday) I woke up at around 5am with her sitting on our bed and her crying frantically. She said that she didn’t really want to break up and simply used the break-up “hail-mary” as a ploy to get me to do something and care more.

At this point, I was angry and figured this was my way out of the relationship. Recently, I’ve noticed a steady decline in happiness and a steady rise in arguments. I’m not too fond of her family and neither is she to mine. We argue about once or twice every two weeks and suffer from small-to-medium trust issues.

I’ve said a lot of the bad things, but she also carried many good qualities. We communicate pretty well. I enjoy having her around the house. She does all the womanly duties such as cook, clean, laundry, which I truly love about her. She’s very dedicated to her job which is also a huge plus.. and she’s always so excited to go out with me no matter where it is I’m taking her.

So bottom line is, that Sunday, I broke it off. I felt like we needed a break. The bad outweighed the good and I just felt overwhelmed. The problem is that now that she’s gone, she keeps texting me and it is clear that she wants to be with me again. I, on the other hand, am not sure if I want to venture off into the sunset and start anew with someone else, or return to the “not-so-great” relationship and try to rebuild on what was once fantastic. I do severely miss having her around the house, giving her a kiss when I left for work, smelling the laundry after she washed it, watching certain programs every week together, etc.. The house is quiet, lonely, and the every night when I go to bed, her side is always empty and cold.

I spoke to her briefly yesterday about some items still in my house that she left, and she started to cry. It tore apart hearing her cry and I wanted so badly just to tell her to come home, give her a hug and a kiss, and tell her that we will be okay.. but instead, I stood firm and hung up without any promises of a future make-up.

There’s a lot more history but I made this as brief as I could. Hopefully whomever is reading this can make a sound judgment and provide me with some advice.

Thank you in advance. I plan on updating this weekly so people know how things panned out and I will respond to any advice.

[Imabadman]

You follow your gut.

If it's a clean break you go no contact. If it's wanting to get back together I'd suggest taking it slow and try to work through your problems first.

Either way I suggest you both take some time, a week or two, to get your pop in a group sort of speak.

[jmjoseph]

No one here is going to know enough about this relationship as to validate your decision. Is it something that you can live with?
Can you see yourself marrying this lady?

Sometimes people carry on for YEARS before they realize that their not compatible with their mate. You were lucky enough to figure out that the "bad" cannot outweigh the "good". Oil and water do not mix, no matter how hard you shake them.

And just so you know, you're probably going to be slammed for the "womanly duties" remark. To be a fully rounded MAN, you should be able to do all household tasks on your own, and not rely on a woman to be your "second mother".

I was 36 when I got married, and could/can do most anything from ironing to cooking. I also fix my truck and tractor, hunt, fish, camp and raise my two sons when my wife is away(flight attendant). It's a sign of strength, not weakness. Nothing is "womanly" when you are a batchelor. It's about survival. And I know that I'm a man.

Just sayin'.

Good luck.

[mindvsheart]

Yeah, your right.. instead of womenly, I truly meant household duties. I come from an old fashion household wherein that word gets used losely. But your right, I'm a man, and I'm busting my chops doing all those things she used to do. :(

[Just Looking]

JM Joseph is right. (had to spread the rep) I'm a 28 year old female – you should have seen my reaction when I read that “womanly duties” comment... but I decided to read the rest anyway.

You mentioned that your relationship was once fantastic, but has been rocky for the last 6 months. I'm wondering if she was frustrated with the status of your relationship. After 4.5 years of dating and her now being 24, my guess is she was thinking heavily about marriage and frustrated that there was no engagement. I can tell you that most of my friends would have felt that way, and I saw many of them leave their boyfriends because of it. That “Hail Mary” move is used for that reason.

You do need to figure out what you want. If you don't want to marry her, break up – even if you enjoy having her around. It's not fair to keep her hanging on, particularly after so many years. Sure, it will be hard on both of you, but it's the right thing to do. I had to do that once to someone I really cared about, but didn't want to marry. In the short-term it might have been easier to continue dating, but I knew in the long-run I was wasting his time and he'd only get hurt further if I didn't act. I know you have a lot of feelings for her and a lot of them are good, but she just may not be the one for you … or you may just not be ready for further commitment. There is nothing wrong with either thing, as long as you treat her fairly and are honest about it.

You are going to miss her. You spent a lot of time with her, and some of that time was good. That's not enough of a reason to continue the relationship, though. You are going to react to her sadness and pain. You care about her. The question is whether you care enough to commit, and it doesn't sound like that's the case.

[mindvsheart]

Excellent insight...

[talaniman]

I would have dumped you after 4 and a half years of doing your funky draws with nothing to show for it. Ironic you dumped her because she was not happy being a maid.

Go figure.