[Snickers2010]

We have a daughter who is now 21 and going into her senior year in college. She has a had a very nice life in our home, nice vacations, nice clothes, really almost everything she needed. She is dating a boy and has been for 2 years now. We are paying for her college including the room and board on campus and she will have no loan payments when she finishes. She states she did not get to pick the college she went to and now blames us even though it is a top private school in her chosen field. She says we do nothing for her. She is now at the point where she wants to live off campus, yes with this guy. We are not happy about the idea but have learned that she is going to do what she wants regardless of what we say. At this point she is still signed up to live in the on campus dorms. My question is is it fair for me to say if you want to do this then pay for your own apartment with this man? And all expenses. We have said we will continue the tuition payments. His family has told me that they support any decisions they choose at this point because of their age and has told them this. They do not have the funds to pay for any of this, unfortunately we would, so they are making us look like your don't help your kids. His family had taken out student loans for him and made him pay for his car etc. Our daughter did pay for her own car because she wanted it at the campus and we said she could use our car when not at the campus. Our daughter in turn is turning on us saying his parents are so nice to us and you guys won't help us... They claim we are being munipulating, dominating or controlling them by telling them our feelings that we do not approve. Now she won't talk with us and says you will only see me on holidays like a threat of some sort. The boy told me a year ago they were going to get engaged and it still is not happening. She now wants us to lend her furnishings from our home so they have things for this apartment. My answer was no. I will not support this boy, he is not family. When he becomes family I will help you. I am becoming frustrated with this. His family is looking wonderful to her and we are here with the bill looking like we do nothing. The guy knows how we feel and will not help us at this point. His mom stated to me she does not care what they do married or not, worship a stone or a pagan, joining a nudist colony or whatever.

[martinizing2]

This may sound cold and mean. Because it is.

I would show her what it is like not to have your support.
And not just the financial , can't borrow the car, the furniture, or even a cup of sugar.

It is a sad situation when someone who is handed what millions of others DREAM about, and is not satisfied or grateful.

A reality check could open her pretentious little eyes.

Honestly, I'd pull the rug out from under her.

No money, no more free room at your house. No more rent paid. And no tuition paid.
McDonalds is always hiring.

Bless you for trying to be what sounds like some great parents.
Ever consider adopting an older boy.. a lot older?

I wish you well

[Jake2008]

Good grief.

You are dealing with an ungrateful, headstrong, spoiled little princess who is walking all over you, expecting far too much, demanding even more, and belittling you when she doesn't get her own way.

Are you sure she isn't 13 instead of an adult?

Give it to her once and for all.

If she were mine, she would get a registered letter.

Dear Darling Daughter,

You have changed the agreement we made to support you, when you went to college. The agreement was we would cover your expenses- at a dorm, including your meals, tuition, and your car. Although we gave much more, that was the basic plan.

You have now added a boyfriend to the agreement. If you choose to live off campus with him, we will NOT support that. I will not be bullied into buying furniture, paying rent, or helping you in any way, shape or form, set up housekeeping. If that is what YOU decide to do, you are on your own.

Get a job to pay for what you want.

We will pay your tuition, and that's IT. With what we aren't going to be paying for any longer (room and board), Dad and I are planning a nice vacation to Barbados in September.

I'll try to remember to send you a postcard.

Good luck.

Love you,

Mum

[martinizing2]

The comment I made in the previous post should read

I am an excellent cook... mom

You may start the adoption process Jake!

[QLP]

Got to spread the rep but I agree, time to let your daughter face the real world which means paying her own bills.

My son got very little financial aid from us whilst at university, we simply don't have the money. After a year of working he has a nice flat with friends, kitted out by taking another loan on top of his tuition loan. He couldn't have even afforded the couple of good suits he needed to start work without the loan. The extra loan will be paid off in another year. He works hard and is grateful for the very little help we have provided on occasion. His money is tight but, because it is his, he works hard to make it and takes care how he spends it. Don't worry, not only will she survive she will probably learn a lot in the process.

I like cooking Martinizing. Can you iron? Might be fighting Jake for you if so. ;)

[FoxCash]

I agree with the rest of the crowd here. It's time she learns to make it on her own and appreciate what she is given.

The moments in life where we are left to figure things out on our own and to struggle are the moments we remember more than anything. They come our lessons and help us achieve more in life.

You've been great parents to her and making sure she is content and had everything she needed. She still needs that right now but not in the manner that you have been doing it.

She's in college and will someday eventually be out making her own decisions, her parents won't always be there for her. What happens then? Will she become a mess and have everything fall apart for her? Or will she stand tall knowing her parents made the right choice in letting her stand on her own two feet and survive?

I noticed you also said that if the boy was family you'd be willing to help him. But I hope that you would help only after they tried everything else themselves. Instantly helping someone gives them no skills for them to learn how to handle things and figure them out on their own.

[martinizing2]

Got to spread the rep but I agree, time to let your daughter face the real world which means paying her own bills.

My son got very little financial aid from us whilst at university, we simply don't have the money. After a year of working he has a nice flat with friends, kitted out by taking another loan on top of his tuition loan. He couldn't have even afforded the couple of good suits he needed to start work without the loan. The extra loan will be paid off in another year. He works hard and is grateful for the very little help we have provided on occasion. His money is tight but, because it is his, he works hard to make it and takes care how he spends it. Don't worry, not only will she survive she will probably learn a lot in the process.

I like cooking Martinizing. Can you iron? Might be fighting Jake for you if so. ;)

I iron, and do windows








I

[martinizing2]

As soon as my doctors say it's safe to remove the restraints.

And my medicine "kicks in high gear" . Whatever that is.