[spartans84]

I'm a sophomore in high school and I'm on the varsity soccer team. I've lost my passion for soccer and its high stress to play because we practice 6 hours everyday during the summer until October. I just want out but my mom says working out at the local gym isn't enough to replace soccer. She says if I want to quit then I have to sell my xbox and play tennis and volunteer at least once a week which I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO DO. What should I do to convince her to let me quit without selling my xbox or playing tennis? She says I'm going down a destructive path if I quit which makes absolutely no sense to me... I'm fine with volunteering and I WILL workout every other day AT LEAST... I'm also going to do track in the Spring.

[JudyKayTee]

May I answer a question with a question?

Why is your mother so hung up on you participating in varsity soccer?

[spartans84]

I honestly have no idea...

[JudyKayTee]

In my case it was music - I was somewhat talented but my parents pushed and pushed. I also never knew why.

It sounds like you will be "punished" if you quit and that makes no sense - at least to me. Have you asked her or is that pointless?

[ScottGem]

I agree with your mom that once you committed to the season you need to follow through. If you want to quit after the season is over, that's another thing and you should be allowed to.

Sounds to me, however, that mom thinks you spend too much time with your Xbox and not enough time exercising your body.

[spitvenom]

A sophomore on the Varsity team you must be very good. Maybe she thinks by quitting soccer you are throwing away a chance at a scholarship for college?

[Wondergirl]

I'm thinking your mom doesn't want you to get into the habit of starting something and then switching to something else, so that becomes a pattern in your life -- switching jobs, spouses, etc. "If I don't like it, I can just up and quit. No big deal." How long have you been playing soccer? How long have you been varsity?

[spartans84]

I've asked her why she wants me to play so bad and she doesn't give a very clear answer.

I did not commit to the season because it has not started yet we have just done pre season training and I haven't paid anything yet. As far as not exercising enough...
Maybe that's her reason but if it is it doesn't make much sense because I am in very good shape.

[spartans84]

Both my parents agree I probably won't be playing soccer in college because if I do something in the engineering field, (which I'm considering) I simply won't have enough time for both.

I don't join and quit, I have been playing soccer since Kindergarten and have just recently lost my passion and joy for the game

I was playing Varsity since mid season last year.

[spartans84]

Thanks for all the help everyone :)

[asking]

Hi spartan,
I think your desire to quit is perfectly reasonable (and I am a parent of a son your age). I also think it sounds like she is obsessing over the xbox. I would offer her a compromise. Quit soccer, abstain from the xbox for the first month of the school year, and then limited hours of xbox after that. What can you live with? 6 hours per week? Demonstrate you are not addicted to the xbox and "have a life." I'm guessing she thinks that all the time devoted to soccer will end up with you in front of the xbox.

The other thing to consider is that if you have been doing soccer since kindergarten, it means she's invested HUGE amounts of time into getting you to games and practice, providing snacks to the team, and so on. In other words, she's personally invested a lot too.

This might be a diplomatic time to tell her all the ways you've benefited from her support and to thank her for doing that. It may be that she's feeling like you are saying that her effort was all a waste. I don't think that's what you are saying but from her perspective that may be how it feels. Have a heart to heart and make it explicit that you've got a lot out of soccer and appreciate her support all these years, but you are ready to pursue other things now.

So I would do both these things. Above all, take a moderate and relaxed approach, and make sure she has an opportunity to save face, so she can back down gracefully. (Some people take a position and don't know how to change their minds without feeling like they "lost.")

Good luck!

[spitvenom]

I understand how you feel. Basketball was my sport then my Junior year I just lost the passion really to play anymore. It would be better for the team if you did stop instead of making the team then doing a half @$$ job playing. Good Luck with your Mom Maybe if you explained that you would be hurting the team if you did play she might come around.

[spartans84]

Thanks for all the help guys! I think she is going to let me quit now :D