[father of two plus one]

I have two girls with my ex-wife, 7 and 8. I have one daughter adopted, that is 14 now. She was two when I met her, married her mom a year and a half later, divorced her after 8 years.

The 14 year old (Jane) blames me for everything. Does not like coming to my house, does not obey the rules and use profane language when speaking in regards to my girlfriend of two years or her kids.

I adopted Jane when she was 6 years old. Raised her like my own, it is all she has ever known. Her birth father hit her mother, left her at home alone with her as an infant with no food in the house or a car to leave in. YET, he hung the moon compared to me. He owes over $12,000.00 in child support. His name is CRAIG EDWARDS of DALLAS. (I do not have a problem saying that)

At the ripe old age of 14 she will not obey the rules, I do not want to be her father when she gets pregnant because her mother lets her run around and do what ever she wants. I try to discipline and make rules. But, when I am not there, she leaves her sisters at home and takes off to her friends house. She does not respect me or my parents, who incidentally have given her everything in her life. I am tired of being used. She only likes me when I am giving her money to go somewhere. I cannot punish her for doing things the wrong way because I cannot monitor her. I have already screwed her window shut because she left through the window. I removed her door knob so she could not lock her door. I do not know what to do.

I cannot be her father anymore. It saddens me because her sisters love me more than anything. I am the one that hung the moon to them. They are the best. They have not seen what she has. But she is slowly trying to plant things in their minds. I do not like it. I battle it with extra love and affection to offset Jane's words to them.

HELP. How do I relenquish my rights? What happens to child support... More importantly, what will it do to her and her sisters? I do not think it will bother Jane. Maybe just her sisters.

Thank you for help.

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, this is the deal, first if you adopted the child, the birth father would not owe any child support, his obligation to pay any child support ends when you adopt the child, So unless it owed all of that support before you adopted the child you have been misinformed somewhere.

And sorry but once you adopt that child, the child is your child, the birth father is not to be in the picture any longer, period, he gave up all of those rights when you adopted the child.

And Guess what you are her father for better or worst, you can divorce her mother, pay child support and never see the child, but when you signed the papers for child adoption, you steped into it and can not get out of it.

Next what you need is to set down with your wife and make a plan for what is allowed behavior and what is not, and rules and the such.

And why can't you punish her, you are her father, you have as much right, from the day you adopted her to punish her just the same as her mother.

[father of two plus one]

The birth father owed that money to her before I adopted her. That stands until he dies.

The birth father is still in the picture because her mother lets him. She will not cut it off with him and her. That is part of the reason for divorce, even though I am 110% sure she never saw him again as a spouse, they divorced in an ugly way. She just keeps letting them see each other. Can I get a restraining order? Make him go away that way?

I am not worried so much about the child support. What's there is there. I have never missed a beat and never will.

I cannot sit down with the ex-wife to discuss this... it has happened before and we have agreed and it still happens.

I cannot punish her because I cannot afford to quit my job to sit home and make sure she does what she is supposed to do. I cannot take away her cell phone because her mom gave it to her and gives me hell about her not being able to call in an emergency.

See how I am stuck. It really stinks.

[talaniman]

At the ripe old age of 14 she will not obey the rules, I do not want to be her father when she gets pregnant because her mother lets her run around and do what ever she wants. I try to discipline and make rules. But, when I am not there, she leaves her sisters at home and takes off to her friends house. She does not respect me or my parents, who incidentally have given her everything in her life. I am tired of being used. She only likes me when I am giving her money to go somewhere. I cannot punish her for doing things the wrong way because I cannot monitor her. I have already screwed her window shut because she left through the window. I removed her door knob so she could not lock her door. I do not know what to do.

Teens are a handful that's for sure, but blaming every one else for your child's bad behavior is not productive. As the father you are responsible for meeting this child's needs and just because its not that easy you can't just walk away and say oh well, Man what the h****s wrong with you. What do you mean you can't discipline her? What do you mean you can't monitor her?
You must do every thing in your power to do the best you can, just as you so blatantly blasted her bio-father for what he didn't do, so you will be held to the same standard, so quite crying and complaining and whining, and figure how you (dad) are going to raise this brat, who is your daughter. GET help, get counseling, get busy being a father.

[father of two plus one]

Talaniman, I disagree! I am busy being a dad to all of them. I meet the needs: see the plays, go to the gymnastic meets, tuck them in at night. Only the younger two appreciate it. ALSO, I will never be held to the same standard because NONE of the same instances apply to me that applied to the BIO dad. So where do you come off thinking you are comparing apples to apples. Don't visit the fruits and veggie section very often, do you? I never blamed "everyone else" for her bad behavior as you put it. Just her mother for not enforcing her end of the deal. Do you think I would invite BIO over for a cup of coffee? The only thing you got right was "brat". I bet you don't have kids. Respond to people when you have something relative to speak of. Sorry, you were of no service to me.

[talaniman]

Sorry father of two all, you did was the "whoa is me" and just so you know all my kids are grown, and have their own families, and yes they call if they need to. That why I can tell you its difficult, so lose the attitude and open your mind, I told you to get help, get counseling and get busy. Now if you and your ex aren't on the same page and working together then you need to. Regardless this is how you put this Can I give up rights? Repercussions?
So if you can't understand my anger then that's too bad, cause children out there have been given up on and even had parents quit on them, That's not right, and neither are you.

[jrussole]

Father of two plus, maybe you should consider "having a cup of tea" with the birthfather? He is scum for not paying his child support, in my opinion. But more importantly, since he is in the child's life, maybe if you come to an agreement as far as raising your child, may help? He maybe a bad influence, for example. And maybe cleaning the air will help your child in the long haul? It will surely be a sacrifice on your part, either way. But if you are unable to be in the same room for instance, with this dead beat, maybe send him a letter about your concerns? After all, you are her father. You deserve respect. Sometimes, as children we don't know what is best for us. Maybe the all three of the parents need to get together at some point and try to help your child. Or at least come to an agreement together that hurting each other isn't going to help her in the future. Sounds to me as if she is rebelling. And as the adoptive father, you have taken on the rights of "real" father. Therefore, sometimes we have to sacrifice our belief's and our anger for the enrichment of helping our children as well as our family. It sounds as if there has been a communication breakdown and your child maybe rebelling in response to it? Hope this helps. Your definitely not in a prefect scenario, but it is fixable. With patience, understanding, possibly counseling? But I believe your child with thank you oneday for your compassion and sacrifice for trying to get to the root of the problem. And then again, maybe not. But at least you can say, "I tried."

[Miller11]

I have two girls with my ex-wife, 7 and 8. I have one daughter adopted, that is 14 now. She was two when I met her, married her mom a year and a half later, divorced her after 8 years.

The 14 year old (Jane) blames me for everything. Does not like coming to my house, does not obey the rules and use profane language when speaking in regards to my girlfriend of two years or her kids.

I adopted Jane when she was 6 years old. Raised her like my own, it is all she has ever known. Her birth father hit her mother, left her at home alone with her as an infant with no food in the house or a car to leave in. YET, he hung the moon compared to me. He owes over $12,000.00 in child support. His name is CRAIG EDWARDS of DALLAS. (I do not have a problem saying that)

At the ripe old age of 14 she will not obey the rules, I do not want to be her father when she gets pregnant because her mother lets her run around and do what ever she wants. I try to discipline and make rules. But, when I am not there, she leaves her sisters at home and takes off to her friends house. She does not respect me or my parents, who incidently have given her everything in her life. I am tired of being used. She only likes me when I am giving her money to go somewhere. I cannot punish her for doing things the wrong way because I cannot monitor her. I have already screwed her window shut because she left through the window. I removed her door knob so she could not lock her door. I do not know what to do.

I cannot be her father anymore. It saddens me because her sisters love me more than anything. I am the one that hung the moon to them. They are the best. They have not seen what she has. But she is slowly trying to plant things in their minds. I do not like it. I battle it with extra love and affection to offset Jane's words to them.

HELP. How do I relenquish my rights? What happens to child support....More importantly, what will it do to her and her sisters? I do not think it will bother Jane. Maybe just her sisters.

Thank you for help.

Regardless of how she behaves she's still your daughter. She's a teenager and teenagers will not always listen to their parents and the advice they try to give. She needs you just as much as u need her and you just can't seem to realize that. But wanting out of her life is not going to make matters any better for you or your 14 year old daughter. If what you say is true about her biological father, him being a bad person, then show her that you love her and try to guide her in the right direction no matter how tough things may seem. You knew when you adopted her that you would also be responsible for her care until she was 18 or out of school whether it was high school or college. So step up and be the good person and most important be a good Dad to your daughter. Good luck and I hope things get better.