[star961]

I don't Love my fiancé, she loves me but she is my relative what can I do? I am very tired, depressed and confused, please help

[O_Troubles]

How close of a relative, if your already engaged? Also if your not in love you need to ends things before you hurt her any worse. If you have to see her at family functions then make sure you end it without being hurtful. Tell her what you feel, don't say anything that blames her in your relationship. Explain your side and listen to hers.

[kp2171]

More info?

Arranged marriage? Where? How old? etc...

Details matter.

[star961]

She is my cousin, yes we are engaged, we have been together for almost one year, at the beginning things was going fine but now it is not, Previously I used to miss her but now I am not, I am not sure about my feelings, I wish that something unusual could happen to end it up, but as all we know it is not easy to end a relation especially with someone who is relatively closed, it is not easy not easy not easy...

[talaniman]

I highly suggest you come clean and be honest, as soon as possible. Your right it ain't easy, but very necessary.

I noticed you avoided answering the question of is this an arranged marriage, and how close of a relative are we talking about. That's important info, that may have a bearing on thoughts and opinions.

[hunnypooh97]

Agree u really need to be honest and tell her.. however we don't know much here as u didn't give much info to us..
It doesn't matter if families are involved but u probably better off in the long run..

[Jake2008]

I presume that wherever you are, marrying your cousin is legal, and you checked that out before you got engaged to be married.

So the problem with her being a relative is more that it will upset the entire family, and have some sort of ripple effect for some time to come. You can't avoid your family, and holidays times may be difficult.

But, not forever.

If you were to marry her the way you feel now, you would most certainly regret it, and it would end anyway. That would cause a much bigger issue for you, with the family, and you are concerned about that as you said.

You have an opportunity now, to step up, and do what you have to do, and avoid what would most likely be a much worse problem for all concerned, down the line.

You don't love her. You are not prepared to spend the rest of your life with her, have children, and settle down. You want out.

Bite the bullet, sit her down, and simply tell her that it's over. You cannot avoid consequences when you lead someone to believe that you are in love with them, and you have made a promise of marriage. Be prepared for some backlash, but keep to your decision, don't cave in, and in time, this will all be forgotten and forgiven.

If you wait, it will only get worse. It is unfair to string her along thinking she's getting married, and that you love her.

You only need speak to her and not call in any support or divide the family into the Hatfields and the McCoy's, and cause a rift so great that you end up being married at the end of a shotgun.

Keep your business between you and her, and when you don't fan the flames with talking about it and justifying it, that fire will go out, and you'll move on with your life.

I know if you were in my family, I would have far greater respect for you for being honest and brave, rather than dishonest and whipped.

[star961]

You know we have just get engaged, previously there wasn't such feelings, our relationship was very good, our planned marriage is after one year, she is my mother's sister's daughter and it is legal here in our country to marry your cousin, I will give it a try, if things went in the right way it would be OK if not I will end it up
But right now I feel my heart like a rock

[talaniman]

You are overwhelmed by the enormity of what you are about to do, and maybe you don't want to do it. Think well your course of actions my friend, as there maybe no turning back, after you make a decision, after MUCH thought.

Whose idea was this anyway?

[Jake2008]

Your original post said you were tired, depressed and confused. You said nothing about this being an arranged marriage. Now you say you will give this arranged marriage a try.

There isn't any advice I can personally offer on your upcoming marriage, except to say I hope it all works out for you.

[O_Troubles]

Can you talk to your parents about the arranged marrige? I'm sure your parents want the best for you and your cousin. They can talk to her parents and if they think it's not a good match they can arrange something else for you. Does anyone in your family know how you feel?

[star961]

Yes, my grand sister knows about my feelings

[star961]

Hi,
Sorry but I am getting worse my work is also not going good, I am not feeling good, I am really stuck, upset and doesn't know what to do, how to treat with this case

[Homegirl 50]

You must speak with someone in your family. Speak with this girl.
Can this engagement be broken?

[talaniman]

Dude, if you are not ready to marry anyone at this time, stand up for yourself, and be honest about it.

[star961]

Hi,
I have told her last day that I am not sure about my feelings, there is something wrong in our relation, but she said that this might be due to the stress of the work and life and she loves me too much, I cannot tell her directly that we should end up our relation it would be very difficult to me and to her and to our both family, I wish we aren't relative it would be more easier this is one of disadvantage of marrying one of your relative

[talaniman]

The disadvantage is in not being honest, and straight forward, and letting things get carried away from you by others.

[star961]

Yesterday I informed my mother about my feelings, she was surprised and shocked  , it is not easy as you imagine, doing so would open a very big gap between my mum and her sister as well as all families, you told me to be honest, you should advise on how to solve the issue with the right approach, you already know it is not an easy task to go and tell her about my feelings... you know this is like a real story

[Homegirl 50]

Being honest is the right approach, it may not be easy, but it is right. At least everyone knows where they stand with each other

[tantan10]

If you are confused it seems to me you should not jump into this marriage until you feel sure about what you feel also it seems like you have issuses with her being a relative. Have you even thought about what kind of effect this could have on your children since she is such a close relative?