[cupcake24]

I have fallen for a married man, he pursued me and at first it was fun, now I'm in love.. he is 50 and has been married since he was 19... I have been separated for 3 years, my husband was a liar and a cheat and put me through 10 years of hell. The man I have been seeing told me he was married but living as separated, I believe him though on hearing his situation I dumped him telling him I didn't realise id been out with a married man that went against all the morals I hold so high. After 2 weeks I got in touch with him again, I know that he can't change his situation, I hate that, but have decided to let the relationship run its course. When my husband and I separated for good it was the best thing that happened, we were together 20 years... If our marriage was forfilled he wouldn't of had affairs, the humilliation was horrible, but I wasn't going to give up on my marriage to save face more than anything, I met him when I was 18 and lived with him 2 months after meeting, after time I realised I loved our life together, but not him... and I have to admit that I was wrong, but I was 18 with no life lessons in love or relationships so I decided to live with the rules and I'm know I'm not alone, I made my bed so should lay in it..
Now I am the other woman, Im not justifying, it the guy I am seeing has never had an affair before, that don't make it any better, but life and relationships are hard, the lucky ones meet life partners and stay together forever, some never find love, but rightly or wrongly living by the rules isn't always the right rules for all of us life isn't always fair... so I've put my love in the hands of fate, what will be will be... has anybody else been in a similar situation..

[Kitkat22]

Stop being the other woman! He isn't going to leave his wife for you. I hope you realize what the reprucussions of this will be.

[positiveparent]

No and I personally wouldn't allow myself to be used in that way, I don't condone or agree with any aspects of cheating, whilst you're with this man you are helping him to treat his no doubt long suffering wife with no or little respect.

Seriously OP you say you have Morals I say where are they now, not on board I assume, this Man will never be yours, you're settling for 2nd best as well as aiding and abetting a cheat, and when he tires of his clandestine meetings with you hell go on to another if he can find one.

I disagree you haven't put anything in the hands of fate that's merely a way for you to justify what you're doing.

Hes probably got a lovely wife whose raised his kids kept house for him for years, sacrificed her own dreams, and what's he doing he's playing away from home.

You can't claim to have morals when you're sleeping with another woman's husband.

The lucky ones as you put it who find life partners do so because they work at making a success of a relationship, never settle for second best and know nothing gets handed to anyone on a plate.

Im sorry but only you can help yourself, you're not weak, or feeble, and Please consider that you're enabling a cheat, as well as being an adulteress.

You'll never be happy whilst you contribute to another persons unhappiness.

[martinizing2]

There is no way to justify or condone cheating.
It is actually a fairly black or white issue.

If they're married or in a committed relationship they are off limits.
You could put yourself next to be cheated on. If they cheat with you why not on you?

There are many in similar situations , and they are wrong also.

[cupcake24]

I understand all your opinions fully, also understand the consiquences as I have lived through them, I don't know anything about his wife, I have never asked and he has never said, in the past I have been so quick to judge people in this situation, as you all have and never ever thought it would be me sat here in this position myself... what I was hoping was for someone in a currantly in a similar situation or has been in this position before, how they delt with it, the outcome maybe... Im not the only one... It's a cleche... I never meant it to happen , or I didn't see it coming, I didn't go looking for it, it just happened, in the past I would have been outraged, what's happened here is making me look at life and relationships in a bigger picture?

[0rphan]

You are now doing to this mans wife, what your ex: did to you, this makes you a home breaker should she find out.

At the age of 50, he obviously has kids,probably grandchildren as well.

He will never leave his wife no matter what story he has told you.

I'd make a concrete guess at saying, you're his latest bit of skirt to add to his list of affairs during his married life.

His bit on the side,scarlet woman, what ever phraze you wish to use.

Have you no self respect, you know what you are doing is wrong so stop making excuses.

He is not your love... it is not fate... it is deceit, you should be ashamed.

[cupcake24]

Orphan... this is the reaction I had before I met this man, he has never told me he will leave his wife, I would never ask him to either, I have a lot of self repect and feel it unfair of you to judge my person on the little information I have given you. Not all people who have affairs are the scum of the earth. Some are normal good people who have found themselves torn between the rules and their desires..
I'm not really interested in your opion with all due respect, I was hoping to talk to someone in a similar situation as I said before.. no offence meant..

[redhed35]

Cupcake,I have never been in your position,I can't with hand on heart give you a 'what happened to me'.

I can tell you an old friend of mine has had her husband cheat on her for years,she knows about it ,she loves him and is willing to hang onto to him whatever way she can,so she turns a blind eye,its still going on to this day,she crys,she's gets angry,she gets frustrated,threathens to leave,but never does,and is willing to accept whatever crumbs of 'love' he gives her.

I get angry at the other woman,but he is not willing to give up either of them.

He has it everyway,and seems very happy with himself,neither women have him full-time or his full attention.

That's the only observation I can give you and its second hand.

If this mans wife knows,ill assume she does,3 of you have a choice.

The wife can leave.

You can leave.

He can leave and be on his own,or choose one of you.

Whatever happens,people are going to be heartbroken and very hurt for a long time.

[lickemlolly]

I have been in your position... a few years back... I fell for this guy and turns out he was married... I didn't know until after I was already in love with him... matter of fact that was how I found this site.. LOL that was my very first post on here... but in any event he loved me and I loved him.. he spent more time away from home then with his wife... the fact that I was in love with him before I found out he was married made it hard for me to walk away... but eventually I did.. and guess where he is now? Yep that's right still with his wife... despite all his unhappiness that he claimed when we were together.. had I have known from the start I would have never of looked at him in a relationship manner... do yourself a favor and walk away from this situation.. if he's going to leave his wife he's going to do it with or without you there... let him know if he decides to take that route then maybe you can consider a serious relationship with him but until then I'm walking away... I guarantee you he will still be with her at the end of the day.. because if he wanted to leave her he already would have

[cupcake24]

Thank you redhead, I turned a blind eye as it suited me, If I had of left my husband it would have meant uprouting my kids, their whole lives would have been turned upside down, removing them from their home and friends, I just couldn't do it... It wasn't all his fault, we grew apart the relationship was less than perfect to begin with, but I was prepared to stay together because it was the RIGHT thing to do, it wasn't.

The man I have been seeing isn't smug about what he is doing, he is a normal decent fella but for this.. both of us are very frustraighted by the situation... Him and his wife grew apart when their kids left home some years ago, but is staying because it's the right thing to do,

Thank you for your answer, I have taken it on board..

[cupcake24]

i have been in your position...a few years back...i fell for this guy and turns out he was married...i didnt know til after i was already in love with him...matter of fact that was how i found this site..LOL that was my very first post on here...but in any event he loved me and i loved him..he spent more time away from home then with his wife...the fact that i was in love with him before i found out he was married made it hard for me to walk away...but eventually i did..and guess where he is now? yep thats right still with his wife...despite all his unhappiness that he claimed when we were together..had i have known from the start i would have never of looked at him in a relationship manner...do yourself a favor and walk away from this situation..if hes going to leave his wife hes going to do it with or without you there...let him know if he decides to take that route then maybe you can consider a serious relationship with him but until then im walking away...i guarantee you he will still be with her at the end of the day..because if he wanted to leave her he already would have

Thank you for your reply, I know what I have to do, finding the courage to do it is another matter as I know how I'm going to feel.. I could see him leaving his wife, but not his life and the two go hand in hand even if they have driffted apart, when we were young we dumped boyfriends and moved on to the next, it was simple.

Thanks again, I found your reply very helpful..

[QLP]

Sorry but him saying he is staying because it is the right thing to do does not sound like a good explanation. If he wanted to do the right thing he wouldn't be having an affair. More like staying while having an affair is the easy thing to do.

The fact is this man is obviously lying to his wife. So what makes you think he is being truthful to you? He wasn't honest at the beginning when he said he was separated after all.

I can understand you have regrets that you settled for staying in a relationship that wasn't working. But what are you settling for now? - and at what cost to yourself and others?

[Kitkat22]

thank you redhead, I turned a blind eye as it suited me, If i had of left my husband it would of ment uprouting my kids, their whole lives would have been turned upside down, removing them from their home and friends, i just couldnt do it... It wasnt all his fault, we grew apart the relationship was less than perfect to begin with, but i was prepared to stay together because it was the RIGHT thing to do, it wasnt.

The man I have been seeing isnt smug about what he is doing, he is a normal decent fella but for this.. both of us are very frustraighted by the situation... Him and his wife grew apart when their kids left home some years ago, but is staying cos its the right thing to do,

Thank you for your answer, I have taken it on board..

He's still married. Does his wife know about You? Do his children and grandchildren?. Im sure good old Dad wouldn't be good old dad if they did.

You want this ,so nothing anyone can say is going to change your mind. In fact I'm not so sure he might have been the reason for your marriage breaking up.

[talaniman]

Amazing, you can divorce your baby daddy, but can't leave a married guy because it is the right thing to do. That's going backward on the emotional maturity thing.

You don't get to justify your actions by not knowing all the facts, because after you found out the truth you did nothing to do the right thing by yourself.

But you are hardly the first to be fooled by your instincts, and needs, but to continue not doing the right thing by yourself, you are distracted from better options, and opportunities to be happy. So now you left a situation from a liar and a cheater, and an all around good guy(?), and your baby daddy, for another liar and cheater and all around good guy, who is someone else's baby daddy? Just curious what you have gained by doing that? Other than doing the same thing that didn't work before over again, and expecting different result.

That's a crazy way to live in my book, and I wonder what your children make of it, but of course they don't know the truth yet, that mommy loves men who cheat, and lie, but are good guys.

I don't understand how you leave one bad situation, and end up in the same situation again. Like he can't hurt you like the other liar and cheater did, because that's what they do. Make themselves happy whether you are or not, or the wives they cheat on. You do remember how that felt don't you?

[Enigma1999]

Hello Cupcake,

I am going to make this short and simple...

Move on. He is a married Pig, oh I'm sorry, did I say pig, I mean man!

He is cheating on his wife and will cheat on YOU.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but really Cupcake, is this something you want to deal with?

A cheater is a cheater is a cheater!! And, you my deer, are condoning it.

Please take everyone's advice, after all, we all can't be wrong...

Good Luck.

[Kitkat22]

You are seeing a married man after leaving a cheating husband.

If you think he's going to leave his family you're kidding yourself.

If you are ready to spend a life running around with some else's husband
You are as bad as your ex husband.

Get a clue and get out of this.

[aimee_tt]

When it comes to cheating males will lie and tell you anything to get you into bed.

My dad kept his cheating quiet until his brother told my mum 19 years after it happened. The reason he selpt with the other girls was because his mates told him too...

Don't believe he loves you. Your just his piece on the side. He will always go home to the wife. She is home for him. You are an adventure, maybe making him feel young again. But he will be gone the minute he is over you.


Why would you want to share a man? There are a lot of great guys out there who would treat you right. That don't have wives!

[UglyLegs]

Good for you. You can't help who you love. If he really loves you he'd do what's best. That's being with you. No matter the situation. But if you have to call it off because of him then do. Its your world girl and do you

[Kitkat22]

OMG! Has anyone else read this yet?!?

NO NO NO! YOu are so way off it's very scary!

We are trying to help Cupcake through this and give her the propper advice. She needs to see it for what it is.

I believe that she can do better then that!

Poor advice you just gave her!

Ugly legs you need to step back and read the post again. The only way I see someone condoning this is ,they are probably doing the same thing.

[Enigma1999]

Ugly legs you need to step back and read the post again. The only way I see someone condoning this is ,they are probably doing the same thing.

This is true!