[tavia20019]

Recently I took a leave of absence from work and was able to spend more time with my 2 yr old. She can be very mean to me,hit me and laugh,tell me no all the time. And the tantrums from hell. Besides that (lol) she's an angel.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm not sure what your question is.

It sounds like your two year old is running the show. What do you do by means of discipline when she hits you or is "mean" to you?

As far as the tantrums - I wouldn't take her to public places and when she has a tantrum at home I'd walk away.

All two year olds say no all the time - usually while they are doing whatever it is they are supposed to be doing.

Does she miss her former child care provider?

[DoulaLC]

She is displaying fairly typical two year old behaviour as long as you allow it to continue. Since you are home more, she can also be testing the limits you will allow.

Did you have set consequences for her before you took the leave? This is something to consider for the times she behaves inappropriately. It can be as simple as telling her "no, we don't hit" and removing her from the area for a short time. Letting her know she can resume playing, or sitting with you, or whatever you were doing when she can stop hitting, screaming, etc..
Try to get her interested in something else and praise her when she is behaving well.

You will have to do it often, every time, as being consistent is what is needed. She will learn what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't.

[redhed35]

As JudyKayTee asked could it be she misses her former caregiver,

And now she is angry with you and can't express it?

Is the routine different?

You're the new sherrif in town and she is going to push your buttons,keep the routine,use a naughty step if you have not before.

The terrible twos are not called that for no reason.

She will grow out of it,but your going to have put in place some rules for her that can't be compromised on,example,hitting.

A good way to throw her off balance with all the 'no's' is to give her an option,let her choose one.

If she refuses both,take both away.

Its hard going but with a little perservence you'll get there.

[asking]

I agree with what others have said. This is pretty normal stuff. Any change in routine can lead to misbehavior, but so can no change at all, so don't blame yourself. Establish clear rules that you can enforce.

In general, give yes or no answers when she asks for something--not maybe. If she asks for a cookie, either say yes and give it to her or No and don't. You can say, "yes, after you finish your soup." But then don't hold up the cookie over something else. You will be arbitrary some times. That's okay. But don't ever reneg on an agreement. Set an example of keeping your word. I read this approach described as red light/green light, no yellow lights.

I definitely agree about giving her choices whenever you can. This is a way for you to steer her attention and encourage her to choose something you are happy with. "Would you rather go home and play with crayons, or would like you like to go to the park and slide?" Going to grandma's house isn't on the list!

Think of things to do with her that you enjoy doing yourself but which also give you a chance to talk to her. If you are shopping in the drug store, the two of you can talk about what you see on the shelves. Take your time when doing errands so she can become part of the activity. Listen to her carefully when she wants to point something out to you or wants to ask a question and try to come up with a respectful answer. She'll come around!

One more thing, if possible, keep to a schedule where she has a regular nap and regular bed time. Those should not be negotiated every day. Make the schedule a priority. Don't take her out when she should be sleeping or take her out when she is about to get hungry or tired. Plan to go out when she's fed and rested--in the morning or late afternoon.

[asking]

PS. I don't recommend spanking. I spanked my kids (not a lot) and regret it.
But I definitely would give her some alone time for hitting. Try not to take any of this too seriously. It's your job to be the bad guy at times. It's fine.

[positiveparent]

Hi OP sounds like your child is well into the terrible twos, and now you as the mummy person have got to take a firm but fair stand with her and teach her what NO means and if she won't grasp the meaning then you are going to have to discipline her, and that also means some work for you to do but if you don't do it expect it to get much much worse.

You can't waver or go soft and think aww she doesn't mean it, because take it from me she knows what she's doing she at the age when it'll be a battle of wills between you and her, but persever and in time shell catch on, if and when she's naughty, you will have to delegate an area and call it the naughty chair step, floor area or whatever, each time she's naughty you tell her firmly no, twice if she does it a 3rd time you put her in the naughty area, and she has to stay there until she says sorry, you can expect her to run off have a tantrum scream at you shout at you attempt to hit you kick you bite you and more, however you ignore it all pick her up take her back to the naughty area and you must not give into her, no matter what, don't let her get out of ging to the naughty area once, it'll undo any good you may achieve.

If you can keep this up long enough you will find she will finally grasp that if she's naughty you are going to chastise her. If you don't start this ASAP you will have one spolit brat on your hands and shell be exluded from other children's parties houses etc, she can't discipline herself you must do it. Good luck You'll need it.