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G1RLS7AR · Mar 8, 2003, 02:50 PM

Hi,
I have a dilemna with my boyfriend. We have been going out for a year, and he and I are compatible in so many ways, I can really see myself being with this guy for a long time. The other day, before his one week trip to Arizona, he's going with some buddies for vacation to relax on the golf courses, he asked how I felt if he went to a strip club or several strip clubs while he's there. I told him, first of all, thank you for telling me, but I also told him that it bothers me, especially lap dances. He said, what's the point of going if I can't get lap dances. I told him that while I won't say no, it bothers me a lot, to me, it's like infidelity. While he brought up the issue, he DID not change his mind about going. SO I got mad about it, and he said, it's just a bunch of naked chicks, I know I love you and it doesn't change anything I feel about you, I'm not a cheater, and because I won't see you for a week, this is something I want to do. So I got mad at him, and he told me that he's going to get a stripper before he marries, and if I have a problem with him going, then that's that, it's MY problem. To be fair, for the year that we've been together, he hasn't gone once, but all of a sudden now that he's gone for vacation, he decides he wants to go.

This bothers me a lot. I have friends who are strippers, so I am not naïve to what goes on in them, nor am I a prude, but I can't help feeling what I'm feeling. For some reason, this strip club dilemna naws at me and I don't know if this is something I can accommodate. It bothers me in several dimensions, some part jealousy, some part self esteem, some part the disgust of my boyfriend seeing sex as a commodity, some part wondering why I'm with this type of guy. But I don't want to end an otherwise wonderful relationship. AT times, I think to myself, I am over reacting, why break up a wonderful relationship over something as petty as this, and other times I think, this is so painful that when he comes home, he's going to come home as a single man, because I am over it.
Can I get your perpspective? I am so confused, thanks and I hope to hear from you soon.

dwalex · Mar 18, 2003, 05:30 PM

You must stick to your values. If his going to the strip club goes against your values, he should respect that. If he does not then the relaionship is in trouble and you need to reevaluate. If this is a jelousy issue and his going does not violate your values, then this is an issue you need to come to terms with.

On a more personal note, I used to frequent strip clubs in days long ago, but once I was in a meaningful fulfilling relationship, I no longer had or have the desire. I would probably go, with my wife's concent, if I was invited to a baxchelors party or the like but I would not get a lap dance out of respect for my wife. I don't know if that helped but that my personal male perspective.

Best wishes,
Dwalex

tnjcap1 · Mar 26, 2003, 02:01 AM

I have been married now going on 2 years and me and my husband have had this disscussion. He has told me that it would hurt him if I went to go see males strip cause he feels since that we are committed and married that I should only see him naked and me the same. If your boyfriend feels that he will get a stripper before he gets married he doesn't have high values and morals of what a committed relationship is. And he if still won't respect your decision and how you feel maybe you should look for someone else. Trust me there are guys out there that don't need that stuff and will respcet how you feel about it.

Good luck!

brightblue · Apr 4, 2003, 03:30 PM

When I first started dating my boyfriend 8 yrs ago (we live together) he was always going to the strip clubs. He always went with "the guys"
When he started coming home later and later at night... I put my foot through the floor. It was me or the sleezes. Some woman... and there are few... very few... dance to raise their children... they are single mom's who make very good money... others are into drugs and prostitution. "making that quick buck"
Needless to say... my boyfriend quite going.

How do I know so much about strip clubs you ask?
My daughter is a dancer and has been for 9 yrs. She goes either way... depnding on her and her sons needs... she has stooped to prostitution... been in and out of jail for it and drugs.

She has since changed states to start over... get rid of her rep... so far so good 8)

chaz1797 · May 14, 2003, 11:02 PM

You know sometimes things like this happen and people have to outgrow these wants or needs to do things like going to strip joints, so if your serious about thi sperson you going to have to trust him but at the same time talk with him and let him know how you feel and it upsets you, and point out that your relationship should take a different turn and maybe you need to do things together more and explore different activities. Best of luck and God bless.

Chaz :) Don't lose faith in him communicate better, he might surprise you.

stuntedspider · Oct 11, 2007, 06:01 PM

Trust him? I wouldn't go mad if he went there but to tell you he wants a dance? What? That's like a real naked women trying to get him hard putting her bits in his face? That's attual touching no looking, and is cheating touching or being touched sexually by another women man what ever is cheating naked or not. Gross. Walk away. I went out with someone he went to a strip club and got dances by naked women he loved it and went on about it so I dumped him, I now really happy. He won't stop calling though lol. I can't love sumone that wld hurt me so bad. Be happy. What ever it takes.

Leidenschaftlich für Wahr · Oct 18, 2007, 06:08 PM

It is not pety, not at all. Its definitely infidelity and he istn willing to respect your wishes whatsoever.
If your willing to let this go, who knows where else he will go with the liberating feeling of doing whatever he wants and you'll just stand by and fume.
Id tell him that if the strip clubs are really that important to him, he can have them and not you

tagash · Mar 13, 2010, 11:36 AM

I think your over stepping your bounds and getting wrapped up in your own ego. Your boyfriend is doing nothing wrong no matter what these co-dependent freaks here what you to believe. You first have to acknowledge that he was being completely honest -- which is more than most dudes would do. And second, what exactly are you afraid of? He'll ditch you for some stripper? Pay for sex? What is it really? In the end, if you didn't notice already that he was capable of those things your out of luck anyway. Bit of insecurity my dear -- better take a look at yourself first.