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rajee · Dec 19, 2006, 09:30 PM

I am involved with a married man & I love him so much. When I am alone or on the phone I say I will give up. But from the moment I see him he just start making mad love to me. No one ever make me feel like that. His marriage has been rocky for the last 3 years and I don't want it to be my fault. But he has a strong hold on me. How can I get out, I don't really want to leave but only because it is wrong.:cool: :confused: :confused: :( :(

Skell · Dec 19, 2006, 10:01 PM

If you don't really want to leave then I imagine you never will.

I feel sorry for his wife.

Are you so weak that you simply can't say no and walk away and find someone who isn't married!

He will never leave his wife for you and even if he did he would just cheat on you like he is his wife!

Go and read the many many other threads where people are involved with married men! That might help you get a perspective of what people think of people like you!

goldnugget · Dec 19, 2006, 10:10 PM

Yes it is wrong rajee and I have strong negative feelings about people who choose to become involved with married or partnered people. He is also a weak person for betraying his wife. If he is willing to cheat on his wife, what makes you think that he won't do the same to you? I suggest you really start thinking about what sort of person he is and stop seeing him as 'mr wonderful'... because he isn't... he is a cheat and a liar. As well as seeing him for what he truly is, if you are unable to make a decision to end this deceitful relationship based purely on the fact that it is wrong, think about the misery you are setting yourself up for. Men rarely stay with the women who they have affairs with. Even if he does leave his wife for you, he is very likely to become resentfull towards you and as I said, if he is prepared to cheat on his wife, he is also very likely to be prepared to cheat on you.

Perhaps you should also try to seek some counseling regarding why you would become involved with a married person in the first place. His wife certainly doesn't deserve the pain that you are contributing to and, even though you are doing the wrong thing, you also deserve better. Seek counseling to help you end the relationship if you are unable to do it by yourself. Even though I don't have sympathy towards people who become involved with married people, you are both doing the wrong thing and hurting people, including yourself.

letmetellu · Dec 19, 2006, 10:24 PM

Tell your man that you love him dearly but you think that you and he should refrain from having sex until he is a free man because you just don't think it is right for you to be making love to a married man... I think this will make it very easy for you to make up your mind not to see him anymore because he is not going to be around.

rajee · Dec 20, 2006, 06:29 AM

Originally Posted by Skell

If you dont really want to leave then i imagine you never will.

I feel sorry for his wife.

Are you so weak that you simply can't say no and walk away and find someone who isnt married!

He will never leave his wife for you and even if he did he would just cheat on you like he is his wife!

Go and read the many many other threads where people are involved with married men! That might help you get a perspective of what people think of people like you!

I am sorry but iam not here to be judge... i need help!! It just happen
I never plan this, he is going through a tough time n i was there and it just happen.

goldnugget · Dec 20, 2006, 06:55 AM

When people are clearly doing the wrong thing rajee, they are leaving themselves open to criticism by others. Whilst I realise that you are here to ask for help, people who choose to become involved with married or partnered people are often not likely to get much, if any, sympathy from others.

If he is going through such a tough time, tell him to go to a professional therapist for help. By becoming involved with another woman whilst he is still married, he is only making his time (and everyone elses) even tougher.

And whilst I realise you say that you "didn't plan" to do it, you still did it so end it now before you assist in destroying more lives than your own.

You can only find true happiness within yourself and with others when there are no lies, betrayal and deception involved.

Tuscany · Dec 20, 2006, 07:19 AM

Originally Posted by rajee

I AM SORRY BUT IAM NOT HERE TO BE JUDGE...i NEED HELP!!!!!! IT JUST HAPPEN
I NEVER PLAN THIS, HE IS GOING THROUGH A TOUGH TIME N I WAS THERE AND IT JUST HAPPEN.

You might not want to be judged however, many of us have been in the situation of the wife. Even if their marriage is rocky, nobody deserves to be cheated on. It is a horrible situation to be in, and if there are kids it makes it 100 times worse. Please think of the family right now and bow out gracefully, telling your friend that once he is free you would love to see him. However, while he is still married, being together is not an option.

J_9 · Dec 20, 2006, 07:21 AM

Rajee, I am not judging you, although this may sound harsh, but here goes.

I was the wife who was cheated on. My husband cheated on me. Told the other woman the same things you are hearing. When I got up and left him, he did the same thing to her.

Let me also add that the "other woman" (you) ruined our children. They were only 2 and 3 at the time and now are 19 and 20, but they do not trust because of what a woman like you did to their parents. What you are doing is WRONG on so many levels!!

Again, I did not come here to judge, I came here and answered this question from the perspective of his wife. He tells you his marriage has been rocky for 3 years, I bet if you call his wife she would tell you differently. This is a ploy used only to keep you on a leash and get into your pants whenever he wants to.

talaniman · Dec 20, 2006, 07:31 AM

Stop having SEX with him will solve your problem. Guaranteed.

rajee · Dec 20, 2006, 09:27 PM

Well thanks, I did leave him tonight... he keeps begging but I am going on with my life. Just to be strong now

ordinaryguy · Dec 21, 2006, 06:37 AM

Originally Posted by rajee

well thanks, i did leave him tonight...he keeps begging but i am going on with my life. Just to be strong now

Good for you. Now don't relent and go back to him. If you do, it will just make him think he can use you whenever and however he wants. You deserve better. Hang tough.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2006, 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by rajee

well thanks, i did leave him tonight...he keeps begging but i am going on with my life. Just to be strong now

What you have done is not easy, but I applaud you for doing the right thing. Stay strong and good luck.

Hannah_Marie · Jan 27, 2007, 11:21 PM

Sorry to point this out, but wasn't is the husband that made the promises to be faithful and not the other woman? Contrary to the popular belief, those kind of things really do just happen. And it is usually because he is bored with the plain vanilla sex at home. So, stop putting all the blame on the gilfriend and start assessing your own situation. One thing I have learned from being with a married man, is that when I get married, my husband is going to be getting laid in the most creative ways I can come up with.

ordinaryguy · Jan 28, 2007, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by Hannah_Marie

Contrary to the popular belief, those kind of things really do just happen.

No, they don't "just happen", they are chosen.

valinors_sorrow · Jan 28, 2007, 06:45 AM

Love does not require that we "suffer" for it to become worthy. You are already worthy, Rajee! However, love requires that both partners be 100% available for creating a safe and fulfilling relationship between the two people. Married people are not available. Without that condition, what you have really is just fantasy and you suffer from being tortured by how closely it resembles reality. Learn this lesson now and it ends the pain sooner rather than later. Learn it by reading the first few sentences here again and then do what you know to be right.

momtofour · Apr 25, 2007, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by rajee

I am involved with a married man & i love him so much. when i am alone or on the phone i say i will give up. But from the moment i see him he just start making mad love to me. no one ever make me feel like that. His marriage has been rocky for the last 3 years and i don't want it to be my fault. But he has a strong hold on me. how can i get out, I don't really want to leave but only because it is wrong.:cool: :confused: :confused: :( :(

Shame on you for even getting involved with a married man. He is never going to leave her and if he left her for you, he would eventually leave you for some other fool. Don't be a homewrecker and ask for pity. How do you think his wife feels?

gypsy456 · Apr 25, 2007, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by rajee

I am involved with a married man & i love him so much. when i am alone or on the phone i say i will give up. But from the moment i see him he just start making mad love to me. no one ever make me feel like that. His marriage has been rocky for the last 3 years and i don't want it to be my fault. But he has a strong hold on me. how can i get out, I don't really want to leave but only because it is wrong.:cool: :confused: :confused: :( :(

Well... here's a reality check for you...

His marriage is rocky... OF COURSE his marriage is rocky.
So he says... right ?
Would he otherwise be involved with somebody else ?
Come on...

Stay away from married man.
Don't you deserve better than that ?

Think of the damage that this does to an existing marriage...
The man should get his act together... and you should really walk away from this situation because it will not get better...

talaniman · Apr 26, 2007, 05:31 AM

Don't be a homewrecker and ask for pity.

I applaud this statement.

momtofour · Apr 26, 2007, 08:12 AM

In response to the comment, "Contrary to the popular belief, those kind of things really do just happen. And it is usually because he is bored with the plain vanilla sex at home"

I think that it you haven't been married and just the mistress you really don't have a clue what makes up a marriage. Creative sex is not the solution to a happy marriage, it may be a factor that ranks up there but believe me, you can be as creative as you want and isn't necessarily going to keep someone from straying. I have seen it time after time when a partner has an affair and makes the statement that they aren't getting what they need at home. People need to be responsible for their own happiness and contributing to a relationship and not just run and hide from it.

I am tired of people making commitments to marriage and family and then just finding excuses to justify an extramarial affair.