[weddinghelp]

My oldest Daughter is getting married. Her dad and I are divorced. The divorce happened when she was an adult. As the oldest. She is the trailblazer with regard to "family functions" such as College Graduation, weddings etc. and will probably be the first with Grandchildren etc.
We have spoken about the "awkward" part of inviting bother her Dad and I. I am and always have been, perfectly willing to be cordial and focus on our two beautiful children on such occasions.. it is NOT about me. Their Dad has not demonstrated the ability (to date) to look at it "this way".

I have responded to my Daughter that I will be at the wedding and will do everything in my power to help her enjoy this very special day. I have emphasized that it is HER and her Fiance's day and that she is not and never has been, responsible for myself or her Dad and that we both love her very much.

My question is this:
The invitations have NOT gone out yet, but I expect she is struggling with the idea of "invite my Mum and a guest" which would mean that I would bring my fiancé... or ask that I come alone. My fiancé is happy to come (he is very fond of my daughters and they seem fond of him) but will also understand if he is not invited... what DO people do these days? I cannot imagine I'm the only one in this predicament...
Thanks for any advice you can give.

[Kitkat22]

I would go with whatever my daughter request. It is her day and she's probably struggling with the same question.

Why not just ask her what she wants you to do. Good Luck

[weddinghelp]

Thanks KitKat22
You are right... it is her call. I guess I am feeling "unsettled" simply because she has to make it.
I am curious to see if anyone can shed some light on what the common ettiquette is now? Especially since this will be an ongoing "issue" (hopefully not.. but perhaps) and I would hate to have to continually and forever exclude my Fiancé and future husband...

[Kitkat22]

Thanks KitKat22
You are right....it is her call. I guess I am feeling "unsettled" simply because she has to make it.
I am curious to see if anyone can shed some light on what the common ettiquette is now? Especially since this will be an ongoing "issue" (hopefully not..but perhaps) and I would hate to have to continually and forever exclude my Fiance and future husband...

There's someone here who can help. Stay here and you'll get the advice you need.Good Luck.. :)

[talaniman]

While its your daughters decision, maybe talking to the parties involved well before hand would help.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Thanks KitKat22
You are right....it is her call. I guess I am feeling "unsettled" simply because she has to make it.
I am curious to see if anyone can shed some light on what the common ettiquette is now? Especially since this will be an ongoing "issue" (hopefully not..but perhaps) and I would hate to have to continually and forever exclude my Fiance and future husband...

In today's world, the common etiquette for weddings is to avoid inviting people that may cause upset for a member of the wedding party. If there is ANY possibility that there may be an unseemly incident caused by your ex due to your fiancé being invited, your relationship must take a backseat on your daughter's wedding day. Your daughter will be stressed enough as it is. Let her off the hook ahead of time and tell her that you understand if she feels inviting your fiancé will be a problem. If she decides for the sake of keeping the peace that he should not attend, both of you should have a heart to heart with your fiancé. For all future events, you have a right to include your fiancé when you are allowed to bring a guest. If your ex-husband can't handle it, he has the right to not make an appearance. BUT, on your daughter's wedding day, he is after all the Father of the Bride, even if he is an immature dolt.

I wish you all the best for both your daughter's and your own wedding day! :)

[Jake2008]

Considering the fact that wedding invitations are extended to people the bride hardly knows (his friends, aunts, cousins etc.), and those invitations usually include 'and guest', why on earth would your fiancé not be included?

He IS a part of the family, as your fiancé, and if I were him, I would be terribly hurt to have to sit in the sidelines because some adults can't act like adults, and it would make things 'uncomfortable'.

He is fond of your girls as you say, you love him, he loves you. Your marriage to your daughters' father is over. Her father's role should be walking her down the aisle. He should not be allowed to dictate who should or shouldn't be at the wedding, simply because he might act like an as*, if I read you right.

While indeed it is your daughters wedding, and she should do what she feels is right, and comfortable, my understanding of such predicaments is invite who you want, and let the invited party decide whether they wish to attend. The bride should not have to be in a position of referee, or figure out what may or may not happen.

So much is unpredicatable anyway.

I would think it would be easier if the invites were extended to include your fiancé, even if he need sit in a different part of the church, while you and your ex husband sit opposite each other in the front pew. I have seen this, for formality sake, and it puts the mom and dad up there together, for their daughter.

I would not make special provisions to allow for bad behaviour (maybe-who knows) of the bride's father. Instead, I would say, everybody I want to be there will be invited. Your role is... No negotiating.

[dontknownuthin]

This question strikes me as strange because I think it's pretty obvious that both the mother and father of the bride would be included in the bride's wedding, and would not be guests but rather co-hosts and members of the bridal party. If they are divorced, so be it. If one or both are dating, engaged or remarried, of course their partner should be included. To do otherwise would be very bizarre, and particularly rude to your fiancé who, I agree, already is part of your family. I don't know why people use things like wedding invitations or family holiday gatherings as an opportunity to "vote" with invitations about whether they support one another's relationship choices.

[LearningAsIGo]

Its kind and correct of you to leave the decision to her. I hope she appreciates your thoughtfulness.

My personal thought is that as this man is your fiancé (not casual boyfriend) he should be invited. For example, my mother insisted her casual boyfriend attend my ceremony. They broke up a week later and he's in several of my photos with a scowl on his face.
Things can happen in any relationship, but as long as your in a committed (ie: engaged, long term, married) relationship, he should be welcome to join you.