[Kitkat22]

Im not strong though I dont know whats what or if this is real a dream or what, I want this to be over and to wake up. I dont understaned how it happened so fast, he was here a week ago, now hes gone forever.

He's in a better place. Hold on to that! Hold on to the fact he didn't suffer and you all had a final night together. Some people don't get that chance. :)

[eveamee09]

The thing is, without realising it you are being so strong, you say that inside you feel like you're a wreck, well it is totally normal to feel like you're falling apart right now, something very painful has happened and ANY reaction is a normal reaction. No matter how crazy or broken.

Yes it has happened so fast, I imagine it must feel like a big shock and frightening and that it doesn't seem to fit with reality. I don't want to say too much as I've never been in your situation so can only imagine how you feel, but we all are thinking about you and praying for you. It might take a while to come to terms with this and fully "accept" it like you say, but you need to go at your own pace and not worry about whether you're doing things right - whatever feels natural for you, do it. If you feel like screaming or crying, do it.. If you want to write pages and pages about your husband and how much you love him, do it. Much love x

[positiveparent]

He's in a better place. Hold on to that! Hold on to the fact he didn't suffer and you all had a final night together. Some people don't get that chance. :)

I agree but then some people live beyond 39, he didn't drink smoke take drugs, was a fitness fanatic, did hundreds of sit ups every day, jogged ran, did weights, was vegetarian, yet he died. What was the point ?

[Kitkat22]

I agree but then some people live beyond 39, he didnt drink smoke take drugs, was a fitness fanatic, did hundreds of sit ups every day, jogged ran, did weights, was vegetarian, yet he died. what was the point ?

No one can answer that. Everyone grieves in different ways. It will hit you. Don't think about the hospital or the ambulance. Think about your last hours with him.

[Alty]

I agree but then some people live beyond 39, he didnt drink smoke take drugs, was a fitness fanatic, did hundreds of sit ups every day, jogged ran, did weights, was vegetarian, yet he died. what was the point ?

PP, death doesn't always have a point.

My parents exercised, didn't drink, smoke, ate healthy, took their vitamins every day, did everything they could to be healthy. They both died of cancer in 2001, 6 1/2 months apart.

My mother-in-law smoked 2 packs a day, didn't eat healthy, never exercised, and she was 10 years older than my parents and outlived them both.

I know you're in a bad place right now, but you will get through it. Every day will be a bit easier.

Death isn't easy. You had a wonderful life together, and you may not see it, but to us you seem incredibly strong. I know I wouldn't want to talk to anyone, I would be holed up in a corner sucking my thumb and crying my eyes out. I definitely wouldn't be concerned about AMHD or answering questions. I don't know how you're doing it, but you are, and that strength will see you through.

[positiveparent]

If I don't come online I don't know what Ill do I don't watch TV ever, I don't feel like listening to music, this is why Ive been coming online, Im trying to keep myself occupied, busy or something.
I don't feel up to driving or want to, we had isolated ourselves for over 7 years just me him our boys we were more than happy with that, in our love nest...

We socialised yes but we mostly enjoyed our own company, we had settled down we were contented.

[eveamee09]

Like I just said above, go at your own pace and do what you feel is right at the time for you. Don't rush yourself. It might take a while to "accept" what's happened.

I suppose lots of people in happy relationships when they're really in love can often cut off the rest of the world to a certain extent, I think that's normal and also might mean it's more shocking when something like this does happen, but yes keeping busy and occupied is the key. You helped me so much 2 months ago with your advice of keeping busy as much as possible, so I'll say the same to you.

Are you seeing much of fam and friends? X

[positiveparent]

I do feel like running away, I have felt that a lot, Im not brave enough, and what about the children, I basically don't know what to do with myself, I don't want to get into wallowing or doing nothing, Im always a busy person as a rule, Im often multi tasking, I have never been able to just sit down and that's it apart from when with Andrew, I don't want to procrastinate I doubt I could actually, my pholosophy is keep myself and my mind active and occupied. If I don't I might stop.

Im also an adult hyperactive.

[positiveparent]

I don't have anything to do with my family, haven't done for a long time, My friends are mostly males, so I think to play safe keep them at arms length, although they've been to visit me, my girlfriends are busy Mums and such so I don't like to interfere in their lives and yes they've been to visit me, and phoned, but I don't really want to be with other people. Im quite OK on my own. Or with my own company. Andrews family are all dead apart from myself and the boys, and in law grandparents.

I may be sociable on here but in truth Im a loner. Im happy to be that way.

[eveamee09]

Well as long as you're okay and feel content with your own company right now, that the most important thing. And you have all of us to talk to of course!

In time you might feel like talking to your girlfriends more about things when it all isn't so raw. So yes, like I said you have us here to talk about things with. Xx

[Kitkat22]

Well as long as you're okay and feel content with your own company right now, that the most important thing. And you have all of us to talk to of course!

In time you might feel like talking to your girlfriends more about things when it all isn't so raw. So yes, like I said you have us here to talk about things with. xx

You sure do and we will be here:)

[eveamee09]

This website looks like it has some good advice. I'm sure you've been reading through a lot of websites but it might help a bit x

Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement

[positiveparent]

Thanks for the links Katie, Ive just sent you another email. I think Ill sign off now, getting paranoid about maybe Im weird. All in my mind no doubt. Night night.

[Just Looking]

We haven't really talked before but I've read so many of your posts. You are very wise and strong. I lost both of my parents two years ago. I know this can't compare to losing a mate, but I just wanted to give you a little background of who I am.

I've also read your story of your first marriage and then how wonderful your husband Andre was. I could tell you had a great relationship. It broke my heart to read about his death, and now it breaks my heart to read this thread … but I also know that writing about your grief is a good way of dealing with your sorrow.

Don't feel paranoid about how you are feeling. It is so understandable. It will take time to accept this. It's only been a few days. I also find it remarkable that you are on here giving advice, and I do understand the therapeutic nature of it. For now be patient with yourself and allow yourself this time to grieve. You are in my thoughts every day.

[JudyKayTee]

I don't understand the laws in the UK - maybe someone can explain why an unembalmed body is returned to the home following an autopsy, at least three days following death. That is most certainly not allowed in the US.

Sitting shiva I somewhat understand but this business about the body - I was told that women from the Temple who have some special designation (or was it men?) would sit with his body until the burial, for a stipend. I was not allowed - supposedly by Jewish law - to do so.

What sect (for lack of a better explanation) is involved here?

[Kitkat22]

I don't understand the laws in the UK - maybe someone can explain why an unembalmed body is returned to the home following an autopsy, at least three days following death. That is most certainly not allowed in the US.

Sitting shiva I somewhat understand but this business about the body - I was told that women from the Temple who have some special designation (or was it men?) would sit with his body until the burial, for a stipend. I was not allowed - supposedly by Jewish law - to do so.

What sect (for lack of a better explanation) is involved here?

It think she said someone from the funeral home was going to stay till midnight and then she and the boys would sit with him the rest of the night. It's a sad time for them.

[JudyKayTee]

I agree - this is terrible and sad and a very bad time for me to be asking questions but I just don't understand. Widow to widow, this is just outside my experience.

[Kitkat22]

I agree - this is terrible and sad and a very bad time for me to be asking questions but I just don't understand. Widow to widow, this is just outside my experience.

It's horrible. I wish there was something we all could do to show her how we feel.

[JudyKayTee]

Well, I did contact her cousin, Askthekitty (askthecat?) and said that we would like to do something but apparently the cousin is out of Town. We'll wait for her to come back and let us know the name of the charity. Anyone who wants to send "something" then can do that.

Or the death notice would contain the info. Maybe I'll contact some of my sources and ask.

I know several people are interested in doing... something.

[Aurora_Bell]

I would love to be able to do something.