[Azreal]

I seem to be in a really confusing situation and would appreciate some clarity. I have been good friends with this girl for 2 years, about 1 1/2 years ago I asked her out and she said yes and then later that night said no stating that she did not date her friends. I accepted this and contented myself with being her friend. In the mean time I became involved with in a 7 month relationship which did not work out so I left it. Recently my friend came out a 1 month relationship and was needing some support so as a good friend would do I was there for her. That was three months ago, in that first month she always called me to do stuff or to see how I was doing, I very rarely called her, well as a result we became really close, best friends doing everything together, she started to come to the gym with me and I always use to catch her staring at me in the mirror (I am pretty built and cut)and I used to stay over at her place all the time because she wanted me to and she would cuddle me. She is always talking about other guys with me but nothing ever serious... she brought up the subject of a marriage pact and that if we weren't married in 5 years that we would get hitched... I went along with this assuming it was a joke but she keeps bringing it up. As the next month passed I slowly made myself less available i.e. I had to study (4th year uni student) and a few times she asked me if I wanted to do something in the evenings but I had made plans with another girl. She began to say that I did not have as much time to spend with her lately (at this point I only saw her once a week) so I promised to make it up to her later on. About a week later I put aside some time to cook her dinner and we just chilled watching TV that night. Well after that I did not see her for another week, she was working late at work in the office and she was getting some strange phone calls and was feeling nervous and scared because she was all alone so I went to her office brought her some coffee and just brought my work there. Well anyway we left the office at 2 am and I dropped her off at home she asked me to stay over so I did. The next morning she did not have to go into work until late so we were just lying there and then she started to get physical, well suffice to say we ended up naked under the covers and almost had sex but the stopped. Well I did not say anything for 3 days but then it really started to get to me... did she want something with me or not, so I brought it up and told her how I felt, she gave me a really confusing answer, first she said she did not know how she felt about me, then she said that she cared about me so much and wanted to feel something for me... she also said that she does not think of her friends that way and she said that we should not spend as much alone time together... well that was a few days ago... and the only thing that I can think of to do is to wait and let her contact me... but I have essentially lost my best friend... and really am at a loss... I know there is physical attraction between us but I am just really at a loss of what happened.

[Bluerose]

Azreal,

I felt like that about a friend once. It comes from you being there for her, she is trying to show her gratitude by TRYING to give you what she thinks you want. But if she isn't really ready for that side of the relationship it won't work. She might go there with you but she feels like your very good friend, no more. Bide your time, try to balance things up, fix it somehow where she can help you for a change. And next time try to keep a balance, avoid giving more than you receive as it just leaves the other person feeling like they owe you. Go back to being a friend. Tell her how much she has helped you without even knowing it. Definitely sound like you have a really good friend there. My friend and I have known each other for thirty years, he was a guest at my wedding. I hope that helps.

[Wildcat21]

Just lay low.
Be cool about it - NO tough questions.

SOunds like you have her - she try to get you out of the friends zone and into the relationship zone - it's HARD for a women to do this.

I do think you should have closed the deal though.

You two seem to have a tough time switching from friends. I am sure she is confused as well. You should eventually talk about this at length - WHEN both of oyu are I na good mood and comfortable about it.