[J_9]

Jake, have to spread it, but WONDERFUL as usual.

To the OP. I have 4 children. All but one born in the south, deep south.

What does location have to do with parenting? I don't have a problem with a swift swat on the tush if the circumstances are dangerous. But to spank/swat (your words) on the mouth is abuse plain and simple.

I'm still shaking my head in amazement that you think this behavior (yours) is appropriate. North, South, wherever, do this in public and see how long you have custody of your child.

[Aurora_Bell]

I am a young and new mother, and I would NEVER hit my child in the face. Yea a swat on the bum, fine. But a "pop in the mouth"? No.

I know your question is about the dog food, and I think you got your answer, now your next question on this site should be how to control your temper, or parenting skills...

[lickemlolly]

I had this problem with my baby girl trying to eat the dogs food when I was staying at a family members house trying to get back on my feet... but truth be told a child that age has no concept of why he/she can't eat the dog food... you swat/pop or whatever and 5 minutes later she's going to forget about it.. its really the same principle as a wall outlet.. you don't use them all the time but you stick those little clear plugs in them so the baby doesn't try to electrocute themselves by sticking something in it... if the dog isn't eating.. take up the food dish OR put the dishes in a place where the child doesn't have access because I caught my little one playing in the dogs water bowl too and we quickly put that to an end... accesibility is the problem... remember children don't start to use complex thinking skills until they are older.. so she's not going to associate the fact that if she eats the dog food then that's bad... or don't do it because mommy said no... if you need tips ill be happy to help.. I have 2 of my own 5 and 3 and planning another one after deployment... :) learn from this mistake..

[Aurora_Bell]

Listen Hairman, that type of language is not acceptable here. You can not dictate to who responds to these posts. So please stop with the language, or I will report you.

[Avasean]

I also agree that she doesn't understand why she is getting popped. It didn't occur to me that maybe she just sees it as food. Because I now realize this, I have picked up the dog food.

Yes, all the cabinets and drawers have locks on them.
Yes, all the light sockets have covers on them.
Yes, all the doors to rooms she isn't supposed to be in have child proof knob covers.
No, I don't let my child get into the chemicals or medication
No, I don't see EVERYTHING she does, and I guarantee you all don't see EVERYTHING your children do.

Those of you who don't have children have no right to dictate ANYTHING to me.

Aurora_Bell... I don't think he cares!

[Aurora_Bell]

i also agree that she doesn't understand why she is getting popped. it didn't occur to me that maybe she just sees it as food. because i now realize this, i have picked up the dog food.

yes, all the cabinets and drawers have locks on them.
yes, all the light sockets have covers on them.
yes, all the doors to rooms she isn't supposed to be in have child proof knob covers.
no, i dont let my child get into the chemicals or medication
no, i dont see EVERYTHING she does, and i guarantee you all dont see EVERYTHING your children do.

those of you who don't have children have no right to dictate ANYTHING to me.

Aurora_Bell...i dont think he cares!

Avasean, I am gald you took some of the advice, I'm glad to hear you have removed the food from her grasp. Please know, all of the posters that have responded do in fact have kids, and only wanted to help. To see the words, spank, pop in mouth towards a baby, sent chills down our spines. But I am glad that you have taken the advice, and I hope this fixes her fixation on dog food!

[Aurora_Bell]

There are other ways to discipline a 15 MONTH old baby than popping her in the mouth. I have a two year old daughter, who has had her fair share of swats on her bottom, but to hit her in the face, is unacceptable in my opinion. You cry injustice and call us judgmental, all I can say about that is "hello pot? It's kettle, you're black".

[excon]

Hello, c:

Popping, spanking, hitting or otherwise inflicting pain upon a child is CHILD ABUSE - plain and simple. If someone hit you, you'd call it adult abuse. What's different?? YOU can fight back. That's what different.

If you popped your kid in the mouth in MY presence, I'd get right in your face. You wouldn't like that.

excon

[Aurora_Bell]

If you are being sincere, I accept your apology.

[ScottGem]

I'm going to step in here. Some people reacted here to what the OP said. She described behavior that many people find abhorrent. Based on what she posted, I think the reactions were reasonable. I also see that the OP has realized that its one thing to give a young child a spank or a handslap and another to hit a child on the face, however lightly.

I also think the OP has understood that despite the ire some very good advice was given. I can also understand a brother coming to the aid of his sister. But a) you should have identified the relationship immediately, b) the language and anger was totally inappropriate and c) this site has rules that you agree to when you join.

I've cleaned up this thread and will permit no more vulgarity or anger. If you post a question and don't like the answer, you can ignore the answer or report it if the rules are violated. But lashing out because you don't agree with an answer is not permitted.

[Avasean]

Look, everyone has their own views and opinions of what is discipline and what is abuse. Ceridwyn is right, if there are no visible injuries, it is not abuse (in Texas anyway). If my child is acting out, even in public, yes, I will discipline her how I see fit. I do not abuse my child. I do not beat her. When a child is wearing a diaper, a swat on the bottom is not going to accomplish anything. I completely agree with Ceridwyn. Everyone wonders "whats wrong with kids these days?" Their parents did not discipline them! I guarantee if the posters on here asked their parents (if they are still alive), if they spanked them or popped them in the mouth, they would tell them that they DID!

Its amazing how times have changed. It seriously disturbs me when I see mothers in town with their children. The child is screaming and throwing a fit for no apparent reason, and the mother just tells them quietly to hush. What does the child do? NOTHING! It keeps screaming.

I believe that whatever your method of discipline, as long as you are not leaving bruises or whelts, that is your decision. I am not going to judge a person on their parenting skills unless it is desperately needed.

Seeing as how the posters on there believe that popping a child in the mouth is wrong, how do you all suggest I discipline my daughter for biting? Please don't say a light swat on the bottom, because it does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! The diaper pads her bottom and she doesn't feel anything.

[excon]

Hello again,

Look. Somebody who thinks it's OK to hit a child isn't going to listen to me. But, I wonder what they're going to TELL their children about hitting, when their child pops their playmate in the mouth...

Oh, I know what they'll tell them, and so do you. They'll tell them that hitting is WRONG. Then they'll wonder where their child got THAT notion...

excon

[ceridwyn77]

I can't believe my posts keep getting deleted. I guess I'm not entitled to my opinion. Avasean, Don't let people drag you down. They are not in your shoes. As for the dog, I agree that putting him on a feeding routine will be best for the dog and the child. :)

[ScottGem]

Visible scars are only a sign of physical abuse. There can be emotional scarring as well. Pain can be caused without physical signs. Physical damage can be done without visible signs. Emotional damage can also result. So frankly, this business about if it doesn't leave a bruise its OK, just doesn't fly.

There are whole books written about ways to discipline a child. So I'm not going to offer anymore advice then to use your library card if you want suggestions.

I certainly agree that some discipline is better than no discipline, but excon made a VERY good point. Children learn by example. So if you think hitting is viable they will too, despite what you say to them.

Yes times have changed. The spare the rod spoil the child mentality from as recently as the early 20th century has been supplanted by more enlightened methods of discipline.

[ScottGem]

I can't believe my posts keep getting deleted. I guess I'm not entitled to my opinion. Avasean, Don't let people drag you down. They are not in your shoes. As for the dog, I agree that putting him on a feeding routine will be best for the dog and the child. :)

You ARE entitled to your opinion. What you are not entitled to do is launch personal attacks on other members because you don't agree with them. If you can't express your opinion without name calling and other attacks, then your posts will continue to be removed.

[QLP]

Avasean, by your own admission the smacking isn't stopping your daughter from eating the dog food so just how effective a form of discipline is it? If you are already hitting her in the mouth when she is still a baby and this isn't working I'm worried just what you will be doing when she is 5, 10, a teenager, if the only method of discipline you know is physical punishment.

While I respect every parent's right to use a swat to the bottom if they feel it appropriate it is something I simply never needed to do with mine. They are adults now and I have been proud of their behaviour from them being small to the present day. No they didn't run around screaming in public, they didn't bully other children, they didn't get into trouble with the authorities or at school, and yet they never had a finger laid on them.

They had rules made clear to them and boundaries set. When they were babies or toddlers temptation was kept out of their way as far as possible. I didn't leave dog bowls around or hot pans within reach etc. If they went to do something unacceptable they were told no, and picked up and moved away from the unallowed situation. This was repeated as often as necessary. Tiresome yes. Effective, yes in time.

When they were older they had time outs if it was needed. This didn't happen often. They never bit but they occasionally hit another child to try and snatch a toy away. They were told this wasn't allowed and that it hurt the other child, They were physically prevented from repeating and made to give the toy back. They were told when it would be their turn to have the toy and made to wait until the time was up. When they were old enough to say sorry they were made to apologise. This was something that they had learned to stop doing by the time they got to nursery.

At 15 months it shouldn't even be about discipline. It should be about making the environment safe, explaining and enforcing behaviour in a simple manner, keeping an extremely close eye on the child, and using distraction i.e. give them something to do that is fun to stop them looking for mischief. And lots of praise and attention for what they get right.

If you were attacking my mouth I think I might be inclined to bite you too!

[DoulaLC]

QLP... agree wholeheartedly, other than the part about "at 15 months is shouldn't even be about discipline".

Removing the child from a situation, providing safer alternatives, repeating an expectation or redirection, are all part of discipline and my thinking is that it needs to be started early on. Toddlers have a considerable understanding of language... both verbal and body, even though they may not have a wide range of verbal language themselves.

Avasean... what incidences have occurred where she has bitten? Watch for common times... overly tired, hungry, frustrated. Other than the pop on her mouth, what have you tried? A firm "No biting, that hurts"! And removal from the situation... while offering an alternative if appropriate, can often help. Short and sweet.

However, as was said, you will likely have to repeat the lesson several times. If, for just an example, she were to bite another child out of frustration at not getting a toy she wants, you could tell her no biting, take said toy away and/or remove her from the area. In a very short time, tell her she can resume playing if there is no biting. Remind her that she is to play nicely and not hurt her friend. Keep a close watch to intervene if necessary. Praise her when she is playing nicely and not biting.

You would be teaching her several things... biting results in an instant negative response... she can continue to interact when she doesn't bite... not biting results in praise from mommy.

Don't be fooled with her lack of vocabulary... she may not grasp everything you say, (a 15 month old does not reason yet but they do have an initial understanding of cause and effect), and she will get the gist of what is OK and what isn't; the full understanding will come later. You will have laid the foundation and make future disciplinary interaction more effective. In time, she will develop a healthy intrinsic understanding of right and wrong that will see her throughout her life.

[QLP]

QLP....agree wholeheartedly, other than the part about "at 15 months is shouldn't even be about discipline".

Removing the child from a situation, providing safer alternatives, repeating an expectation or redirection, are all part of discipline and my thinking is that it needs to be started early on. Toddlers have a considerable understanding of language...both verbal and body, even though they may not have a wide range of verbal language themselves.

I agree. I could have worded that better. What I really should have said is that it isn't about punishment at that age, which I'm thinking is what the smacking is about. Discipline is of course much broader. Think my emotional response was ahead of my logic slightly.

[mrshodges]

I will give you my qualifications. I have 3 of my own, 8yo girl, 6yo boy with Downs, 16 mo girl and 6 not of me, but I raised, ranging in age from 22-16.
Now out of these I have spanked more than a couple but there are also a few I never laid a hand on. Of all of these (including the grand kids I didn't include above) I have NEVER spanked any of them until they were about 2 and hit that defiant stage. I couldn't imagine smacking my 24 pound 16 month old daughter anywhere. She barley understands simple commands.

It is abuse. Even if you don't leave marks and my parents never hit me in the mouth. Yes, I got my butt busted for messing up really bad but that was few and far between. I hardly ever got spanked and I'm fine. All of my kids are fine. With exceptions of my son they are pretty well behaved.
You are going to pay for what you do to her. Your relationship is going to suffer.