[mcat]

Hi, I am 37 years old and new to this site. I have been living with a man for seven years and I have just realised, that he is a sociopath. I would really like to leave him, he took me to australia to live, we are both from england. I come from a very loving family, but his behavior, I would describe as scarring my soul. He has no emotions, I can give you hundreds of horrid examples but I am worried nobody would believe me. To name a minute amount, once I was in the shower, I was about to slip and he let me slip, when I turned around and saw him looking at me, I asked him why he did not catch me, he replied because I wanted to see how you fell. Once we were in hawai, and there were huge surfer waves with big red flags saying, Danger, DO NOT SWIM between the flags. The waves were huge. He sat on the beach with me and said that he would like to go for a swim, I said no, I did not want to, he became very quiet and said, please, its because I love you I want to go in the water, I will hold your hand, its nothing dangerous. He managed to insult me a bit and I ended up walking into the water with him, petrified, he somehow moved away from me and a huge wave came on top of me, and I was petrified, I managed to surface and he was swimming away from me and I said, can you help me, I don't have the strength to swim, help, he started to swim away further from me saying, stop acting mental, just swim, but the waves were crashing on top of me, and he kept on calling me an animal and an ( excuse my language), eventually a lifeguard came in and pulled me out and the lifeguard really told me off and said Maam can you not see the signs you are NOT supposed to be swimming here. When I was pulled out he accused me of pulling a stunt to get saved by a lifeguard. To this day, he tells me I was mental. The other time was on a ski trip, I had never snowboarded before and had one lesson (I cannot even ski) in the morning. In the afternoon, I was still very unsteady on the snowboard, its very difficult, I met him and he took me on the ski lift to the very top slope, the slope reserved for professionals. Just before embarking on the ski lift an instructor yelled out, Hey, you are not supposed to go there yet, come down, but my partner, I will call him Rod, Rod sat with me on the ski lift, pinched my side and said, are you going to listen to them, or to me, what the f&& is wrong with you, are you trying to please him or me. I reluctanly went all the way to the top, and he simply got off, and started to snowbard himself down to the very top of the slope and left me on my own, my board was going everywhere, I was literally all over the place, somebody tried to help me and I ended up have 35 stitches in my knee, the skin was hanging off and I am left with a really ugly scar on my leg. To this day he tells me that it was because I had a tantrum on the top of the slope. Regardless if I tell him that we were supposed to stay on the nursery slope he calls me mental for panicking.

Once, my brother came to my house, to tell me something about Dad, in confidence. He politely asked to speak to me on my own we were only two minutes. When my brother left, Rod asked me what it was all about, I said, Oh nothing babe, just family stuff and carried on with the kitchen, Rod grabbed me, punched me, pulled my hair. The next day he had put a needle in my lip liner, bleach in my face cream, and bleach in my shampoo... when I discovered it, he laughed and said yes I wanted to rip your lips off because how dare you keep a secret from me, I am fixing up your kitchen.

My younger brother who was a policeman, has recently died in a car accident in London. Rod has showed not one ounce of compassion towards me, when I returned from the funeral back to australia, he said to me, ing policemen, the only good policemen are dead ones (this was after he had just got booked for the upteenth time for speeding), this was less than 2 weeks after the funeral, I just shuddered and looked at him, I feel so brainwashed by this man. I feel so bad about myself for allowing myself to be treated this way. The first question he asked me when my darling brother died was how much money will you get now in inheritance, and he laughed.

There are so so so many more truthful examples I can give. This site is the first time I have ever told anybody. I used to have a fantastic job in england, my own car, I owned by own house, now I live all the way here, no car, no house, he has heaps and heaps of money because he made a lot of money during the Y2K period, I met him in england when we were both workig for a huge company.

Sometimes I feel I am losing my mind... he watches and critisises everything I do, the way I pick up my cat, the way I hold things, everything, then if I speak up he calls me a pyscho, mental .

[phillysteakandcheese]

You seem to understand that you must leave this situation immmediately.

Stop thinking about it... Do it. Your physical safety - an maybe your life - is at stake.

[NJCUTIE77]

You Need To Leave Before Something Happens To You Like He Kills You Because He Wants To Know What It's Like To Kill Someone!

[roogirl]

I couldn't help but notice how many times he called you mental. He's looking in a mirror. He's accusing you of being mental because he's mental himself. Don't let him trick you into believing what he accuses you of, as the accusor is often the perpertrator. I think you need to muster every ounce of courage you have and bolt. This is serious stuff here. I am also in Australia and there is a lot of good organisations who can help. Here is a link that might get you started. http://www.salvos.org.au/need-help/r...ns-refuges.php

[ordinaryguy]

Get away from this man immediately. He is dangerous and you have no time to waste feeling guilty or sorry for yourself. There'll be time for all that during the therapy you'll need to recover from this abuse, but now, just focus on getting AWAY. This is deadly serious. Please do it NOW.

[mcat]

Hi everybody, a huge thank you to all of you who replied to me regariding my sociapathic partner (well, soon to be ex partner). You are right, I am fed up of wallowing in self pity, and feeling sorry for myself, as I said, I come from a loving family, first I would like to seek therapy, then, literally get myself back on track and back to England.

A huge thank you guys, and a merry Christmas to you all.
MCat.

[nwsflash]

Mcat you really need the help and support of that loving family very much at this time, I hope that you get everything back on track in time and don't let yourself get abused by this man any longer ! He has no right to be putting a single hand on you and from your post he has been very evil. I will pray for you and your family... Hope everything turns out OK for you.

[sadiesmom]

I hope the first thing you do is get away from him. He wants you dead!

[JoeCanada76]

Please do not take this the wrong way, but quite honestly your crazy. I will explain why. The reason why your crazy, is anybody that stays with somebody so physically and emotionally abusive has got to be. I do not understand how this person got away with it so so long. For this situation if you are serious about change is to get out and leave and do not leave any information trail at all. No way for him to find you. I am happy that you know it is so important to receive counselling especially after all of the things you have experienced. I hope you have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New year. I know you will.

Joe

[manimuth]

Just from the advices from this site, I am sure you know by now that the smartest thing to do is to leave. But, also be sure that you tell EVERYONE close to you about your situation. Tell them when you plan to leave and where you are going. This man sounds VERY dangerous. At least by letting people know where you are and where you are going, they can watch out for you to make sure you got to where you were going and call the authorities if you do not get there. Do I make sense? Make sure you get your family involved, you can use their love and support. Again, it would be very smart for someone to always know where you are or where you should be.

[manimuth]

I hope you get FAR and safely away from him! Good luck and have courage.

[Janey123]

Hi, I am 37 years old and new to this site. I have been living with a man for seven years and I have just realised, that he is a sociopath. I would really like to leave him, he took me to australia to live, we are both from england. I come from a very loving family, but his behavour, I would describe as scarring my soul. He has no emotions, I can give you hundreds of horrid examples but I am worried nobody would believe me. To name a minute amount, once I was in the shower, I was about to slip and he let me slip, when I turned around and saw him looking at me, I asked him why he did not catch me, he replied because I wanted to see how you fell. Once we were in hawai, and there were huge surfer waves with big red flags saying, Danger, DO NOT SWIM between the flags. the waves were huge. He sat on the beach with me and said that he would like to go for a swim, I said no, I did not want to, he became very quiet and said, please, its because I love you I want to go in the water, I will hold your hand, its nothing dangerous. He managed to insult me a bit and I ended up walking into the water with him, petrified, he somehow moved away from me and a huge wave came on top of me, and I was petrified, I managed to surface and he was swimming away from me and I said, , can you help me, I dont have the strength to swim, help, he started to swim away further from me saying, , stop acting mental, just swim, but the waves were crashing on top of me, and he kept on calling me an animal and an ( excuse my language), eventually a lifeguard came in and pulled me out and the lifeguard really told me off and said Maam can you not see the signs you are NOT supposed to be swimming here. When I was pulled out he accused me of pulling a stunt to get saved by a lifeguard. To this day, he tells me I was mental. The other time was on a ski trip, I had never snowboarded before and had one lesson (i cannot even ski) in the morning. In the afternoon, I was still very unsteady on the snowboard, its very difficult, I met him and he took me on the ski lift to the very top slope, the slope reserved for professionals. just before embarking on the ski lift an instructor yelled out, Hey, you are not supposed to go there yet, come down, but my partner, I will call him Rod, Rod sat with me on the ski lift, pinched my side and said, are you going to listen to them, or to me, what the f&& is wrong with you, are you trying to please him or me. I reluctanly went all the way to the top, and he simply got off, and started to snowbard himself down to the very top of the slope and left me on my own, my board was going everywhere, I was literally all over the place, somebody tried to help me and I ended up have 35 stitches in my knee, the skin was hanging off and I am left with a really ugly scar on my leg. To this day he tells me that it was because I had a tantrum on the top of the slope. Regardless if I tell him that we were supposed to stay on the nursery slope he calls me mental for panicking.

Once, my brother came to my house, to tell me something about Dad, in confidence. He politely asked to speak to me on my own we were only two minutes. When my brother left, Rod asked me what it was all about, I said, Oh nothing babe, just family stuff and carried on with the kitchen, Rod grabbed me, punched me, pulled my hair. The next day he had put a needle in my lip liner, bleach in my face cream, and bleach in my shampoo...when I discovered it, he laughed and said yes I wanted to rip your lips off because how dare you keep a secret from me, I am fixing up your kitchen.

My younger brother who was a policeman, has recently died in a car accident in London. Rod has showed not one ounce of compassion towards me, when I returned from the funeral back to australia, he said to me, ing policemen, the only good policemen are dead ones (this was after he had just got booked for the upteenth time for speeding), this was less than 2 weeks after the funeral, I just shuddered and looked at him, I feel so brainwashed by this man. I feel so bad about myself for allowing myself to be treated this way. The first question he asked me when my darling brother died was how much money will you get now in inheritance, and he laughed.

There are so so so many more truthful examples I can give. This site is the first time I have ever told anybody. I used to have a fantastic job in england, my own car, I owned by own house, now I live all the way here, no car, no house, he has heaps and heaps of money because he made a lot of money during the Y2K period, I met him in england when we were both workig for a huge company.

Sometimes I feel I am losing my mind...he watches and critisises everything I do, the way I pick up my cat, the way I hold things, everything, then if I speak up he calls me a pyscho, mental .

For your own sanity and safety, get out of the relationship and try to rediscover your own self worth. It will not be easy for you to do this. What kind of future do you have by being emotionally and mentally tortured.
Let family and friends know exactly what is happening and when. Good point from Jesushelper76.
Please read THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR by MARTH STOUT, Broadway Books, NY.
Fabulous guide to the Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us.

[Capuchin]

Yes come back to England! That's what everyone should do! :)

[JoeCanada76]

Even the people not from there. Lets all invade england.

Wha ha ha ha.

[noname123]

Hi, I am 37 years old and new to this site. I have been living with a man for seven years and I have just realised, that he is a sociopath. I would really like to leave him, he took me to australia to live, we are both from england. I come from a very loving family, but his behavour, I would describe as scarring my soul. He has no emotions, I can give you hundreds of horrid examples but I am worried nobody would believe me. To name a minute amount, once I was in the shower, I was about to slip and he let me slip, when I turned around and saw him looking at me, I asked him why he did not catch me, he replied because I wanted to see how you fell. Once we were in hawai, and there were huge surfer waves with big red flags saying, Danger, DO NOT SWIM between the flags. the waves were huge. He sat on the beach with me and said that he would like to go for a swim, I said no, I did not want to, he became very quiet and said, please, its because I love you I want to go in the water, I will hold your hand, its nothing dangerous. He managed to insult me a bit and I ended up walking into the water with him, petrified, he somehow moved away from me and a huge wave came on top of me, and I was petrified, I managed to surface and he was swimming away from me and I said, , can you help me, I dont have the strength to swim, help, he started to swim away further from me saying, , stop acting mental, just swim, but the waves were crashing on top of me, and he kept on calling me an animal and an ( excuse my language), eventually a lifeguard came in and pulled me out and the lifeguard really told me off and said Maam can you not see the signs you are NOT supposed to be swimming here. When I was pulled out he accused me of pulling a stunt to get saved by a lifeguard. To this day, he tells me I was mental. The other time was on a ski trip, I had never snowboarded before and had one lesson (i cannot even ski) in the morning. In the afternoon, I was still very unsteady on the snowboard, its very difficult, I met him and he took me on the ski lift to the very top slope, the slope reserved for professionals. just before embarking on the ski lift an instructor yelled out, Hey, you are not supposed to go there yet, come down, but my partner, I will call him Rod, Rod sat with me on the ski lift, pinched my side and said, are you going to listen to them, or to me, what the f&& is wrong with you, are you trying to please him or me. I reluctanly went all the way to the top, and he simply got off, and started to snowbard himself down to the very top of the slope and left me on my own, my board was going everywhere, I was literally all over the place, somebody tried to help me and I ended up have 35 stitches in my knee, the skin was hanging off and I am left with a really ugly scar on my leg. To this day he tells me that it was because I had a tantrum on the top of the slope. Regardless if I tell him that we were supposed to stay on the nursery slope he calls me mental for panicking.

Once, my brother came to my house, to tell me something about Dad, in confidence. He politely asked to speak to me on my own we were only two minutes. When my brother left, Rod asked me what it was all about, I said, Oh nothing babe, just family stuff and carried on with the kitchen, Rod grabbed me, punched me, pulled my hair. The next day he had put a needle in my lip liner, bleach in my face cream, and bleach in my shampoo...when I discovered it, he laughed and said yes I wanted to rip your lips off because how dare you keep a secret from me, I am fixing up your kitchen.

My younger brother who was a policeman, has recently died in a car accident in London. Rod has showed not one ounce of compassion towards me, when I returned from the funeral back to australia, he said to me, ing policemen, the only good policemen are dead ones (this was after he had just got booked for the upteenth time for speeding), this was less than 2 weeks after the funeral, I just shuddered and looked at him, I feel so brainwashed by this man. I feel so bad about myself for allowing myself to be treated this way. The first question he asked me when my darling brother died was how much money will you get now in inheritance, and he laughed.

There are so so so many more truthful examples I can give. This site is the first time I have ever told anybody. I used to have a fantastic job in england, my own car, I owned by own house, now I live all the way here, no car, no house, he has heaps and heaps of money because he made a lot of money during the Y2K period, I met him in england when we were both workig for a huge company.

Sometimes I feel I am losing my mind...he watches and critisises everything I do, the way I pick up my cat, the way I hold things, everything, then if I speak up he calls me a pyscho, mental .

Hey there, can I ask you, did you leave your partner? Do you have children? I have been with my other half for 3 years, on and off, living together and not, now not, and now I am pregnant and I have a very bad feeling all the time and when I look up sociopath as he joked one day that that was what his ex and mother of his 2nd child told him he was, I wanted to see if it fits, it does, but can't believe it. Just need to wake up. Just wondering if you were able to leave this man, he sounds far worse than mine... hope you're OK

[Nozrrele143]

Get on the first plane back to LOndon. You don't need that BS that guys is giving you. Tell your family and get the hell out of there before you get yourself hurt.

[isabelle]

Remember the most dangerous time is when you leave. I think you best plan would be to go to a safe house. You need all the help you can get. I am surprised you even took the time to post this or that you have stayed so long. Leave now. Call 911 and they will escort you to a safe house.

[femfree]

Hi MCAT. You are in danger girl! One of the suggestions which actually came from a psychiatrist to a woman in a similar situation was to tell the P that you're coming into an inheritance. That way, the P will value you more if he thinks you're worth money by staying alive. I'm sure he has some insurance policy on you. The guy's clearly nuts and your safety is paramount.

Get away fast. You mention you are in Australia. They have superb resources for women fleeing from abusive situations. Take full advantage of these resources.

You will find many resources, and learning tools here:
PSYCHOPATH

Calling you the crazy one? Hmmm. I suspect that's projection - accusing you of what he's doing, saying, thinking etc.

Has your abuser ever accused you of the most vile, cruel lies? Accused you of being crazy? Twisted everything you say into something grotesque? Most of us have experienced that with the NP in our lives. We are left emotionally reeling. The hurt can be nearly unbearable. You were likely experiencing 'projection'. To make things simple, he is accusing you of what he is THINKING, DOING OR PLANNING. It is very hurtful to us when they project their thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and impulses and pathololgize the people they target.
Projection
PSYCHOPATHHere are some excerpts from Lundy Bancroft's excellent book

Mom, Dad and their children are having dinner on a Wednesday night. Dad is snappy and irritable, criticizing everybody during the meal, spreading his tension around like electricity. When he finishes eating, he leaves the table abruptly and heads out of the room. His ten-year-old daughter says. “Dad, where are you going? Wednesday is your night to wash the dishes.“ Upon hearing these words, Dad bursts into flames, screaming, “You upstart little , don't you dare try to tell me what to do! You'll be wearing a dish on your face!” He grabs a plate off the table, makes like he is going to throw it at her, and then turns away and smashes it on the floor. He knocks a chair over with his hand and storms out of the room. Mom and the children are left trembling, the daughter bursts into tears. Dad reappears in the doorway and yells that she'd better shut up, so she chokes off her tears, which causes her to shake even more violently. Without touching a soul, Dad has sent painful shock waves through the entire family. We move ahead now to the following Wednesday. Dinner passes fairly normally, without the previous week's tension, but Dad still strolls out of the kitchen when he finishes eating. Does a family member remind him that it's his turn to wash the dishes? Of course not. It will be many, many months before anyone makes that mistake again. … Dad's scary behaviour has created a context in which he won't have to do the dishes anytime he doesn't feel like it, and no one will dare take him to task for it. … The abusive man gains power.”
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft
After he has purged himself, he typically acts ashamed or regretful about his cruelty or violence, at least in the early years of a relationship. Then he enters a period when he reminds you of the man you fell in love with – charming, attentive, funny, kind. His actions have the effect of drawing you into a repetitive traumatic cycle in which you hope each time that he is finally going to change or good. You begin to see the signs of his next slow slide back into abuse, and your anxiety and confusion rise again.
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft

When the Police Come to the Door
Anyone who believed that abusers lose control of themselves should peer through he window when the police enter a home. Hundreds of women have told me “It's as if he could flick a switch. The police arrive, and he's suddenly cool as a cucumber. Meanwhile, I'm freaking out, so of course they think something is wrong with me.”
Why Does He Do That? – Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men – Author Lundy Bancroft

Few abusive men relay entirely on verbal abuse or intimidation to control their partners. Being a nonstop bully is too much work, and it makes the man look bad. If he is abusive all the time, his partner starts to recognize that she's being abused, and the man may feel too guilty about his behavior. The abuser therefore tends to switch frequently to manipulating his partner to get what he wants. He may also sometimes use these tactics just to get her upset or confused.
There are some signs of manipulation that you can watch for:
-Changing his moods abruptly and frequently, so that you find it difficult to tell who he is or how he feels, keeping you constantly off balance. His feelings toward YOU are especially changeable.
-Denying the obvious about what he is doing or feeling. He'll speak to you with his voice trembling with anger, or he'll blame a difficulty on you, or he'll sulk for 2 hours, and then deny it to your face. You know what he did--and so does he-- but he refuses to admit it, which can drive you crazy with frustration. Then he may call you irrational for getting so upset by his denial.
-Convincing you that what HE wants you to do is what is best for you. This way the abuser can make his selfishness look like generosity, which is a neat trick. A long time may pass before you realize what his real motives were.
-Getting you to feel sorry for him, so that you will be reluctant to push forward with your complaints about what he does.
-Getting you to blame yourself, or blame other people, for what he does.
-Using confusion tactics in arguments, subtly or overtly changing the subject, insisting that you are thinking or feeling things that you aren't, twisting your words, and many other tactics that serve as glue to pour into your brain. You may leave arguments with him feeling like you are losing your mind.
-Lying or misleading you about his actions, his desires, or his reasons for doing certain things, in order to guide you into doing what he wants you to do. One of the most frequent complaints I get from abused women is that their partners lie repeatedly, a form of psychological abuse that in itself can be highly destructive over time.
-Getting you and the people you care about turned against each other by betraying confidences, being rude to your friends, telling people lies about what you supposedly said about them, charming your friends and then telling them bad things about you, and many other derisive tactics.
-In some ways manipulations is worse than overt abuse, especially when the two are mixed together. When a woman gets called "", or gets shoved or slapped, she at least knows what her partner did to her. But after a manipulative interaction she may have little idea what went wrong; she just knows that she feels terrible, or crazy, and that somehow it seems to be her own fault.
Why Does He Do That? – Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men – Author Lundy Bancroft

[sherylgpp]

I think he is not only a sociopath but a psychopath. Leave him now. He is too dangerous. U think u will always be that lucky if he put u into dangerous situations again?

[almostgrownup]

Lady... go in the bathroom. Look in the mirror, and ask the girl in the mirror what she wants to do. Do you know what the Heisman Trophy looks like? I mean are you thinking of having kids with this guy? Can you imagine that? I want to rip this guys head off. Seriously? Lady if this was your sister... what would you tell her?