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kakicotton · Jul 31, 2010, 03:58 PM

My husband had a severe stroke several yrs. Ago we thought he would only need a nursing home but he is driving and doing almost everything he did before except reason and distinquish right from wrong. We lost our business and I am not in a position to leave him because we are broke.I feel ike a prisoner in my own home. Unless I have him constantly on a leash he will sneak and smoke cigarets and drink alcohol which was the culprit that gave him his stroke It is against all the Dr's. Orders but he will drive to the grocery store and buy a bag (quart) of beer drive home and throw the bottle out of the window in the grass before he gets home. This man is over 65 was successful and now plays Jekkell and Hyde.For no reason whatsoever he goes through these phases. He is schedued to see a shrink but cannot get in for 8 weeks.He goes to AA meetings for a few days then back to old school again.I am at my wits end. I have to save myself from him killing some innocent person in a DWI accident.The only way I can cope is to take the keys away and drive him everywhere. It's like having a leash on him every minute. He can say to me he has not drank or smoked and look me in the eye and lie over and over again. It is like he has no conscious. I have tried church and god and it does not sink in. I cannot live like this another day but have no where to go.I feel likea prisoner trapped in my own home.Just think of a grown man throwing a bag of beer out of the car window (litering) and driving drunk. Last episode was just before our 8 and 6 yrs old grand children were arriving from out of tow. I had to throw him in a cold shower and quickly sober him up so not to rurin another visit from the kids.I am not a psysic but this man needs serious help.

DrBill100 · Jul 31, 2010, 04:45 PM

Kaki

Sounds like you have your hands full.

Did all of these problem behaviors begin after his stroke?

asking · Jul 31, 2010, 05:07 PM

I strongly recommend that you talk to one of the doctors he had after the stroke and explain all this. This change in behavior sounds very like a neurological problem and you should not have to figure all this out on your own. As you say, he has ruined you financially and you cannot physically or emotionally go on like this.

Given his physical vigor and your inability to control him, I would consider some form of institutionalization. Depending on which state you live in, there may be some support for that.

He is a danger to himself and others.

kakicotton · Aug 1, 2010, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by asking

I strongly recommend that you talk to one of the doctors he had after the stroke and explain all this. This change in behavior sounds very like a neurological problem and you should not have to figure all this out on your own. As you say, he has ruined you financially and you cannot physically or emotionally go on like this.

Given his physical vigor and your inability to control him, I would consider some form of institutionalization. Depending on which state you live in, there may be some support for that.

He is a danger to himself and others.

Thank you for answering. He is scheduled to see a psychiatrist in 7 weeks, This was the soonest we could get in. He needs to find spirtual awareness in his life I think this is our only hope. He goes to church and goes through the motions but he does nothing to prove his faith with his actions.I have stayed by him becauses I feel like I am his only hope If I left him he would be on the street or committing suicide. I could never live with that guilt.. Today after church it was such a beautiful day I said lets go fro a bike ride in the park and take our chairs and sit and read.I started ahead of him and did a full lap only to find he was back where we started smoking a cigaret that he had hid and had lied again about smoking to me to my face. He is a pathological lier I never ever get the truth.Anyway, I caught up with him and he looked like he was having another stroke. I said did you smoke a cigaret? No, he replied then I felt in his pocket and found them and a lighter. I basically said go on and kill yourself I have had enough and rode off. Later he arrived back at our setting and he was so sorry he said I will honestly try and quit drinking and smoking. I just say whatever...

Fr_Chuck · Aug 1, 2010, 05:47 PM

Well it appears he was doing this at least to some level before, I noted that you said it was these that helped lead up to the stroke.

And what other "right and wrong" will he steal, or rob, if not, then it is not as much a right or wrong but a desire control.

asking · Aug 1, 2010, 05:50 PM

I think 7 weeks may be too long if he is drinking and driving and mentally impaired even without the alcohol.

Brain damage, for example from a stroke, can cause "disinhibition." That is pretty much what you are describing. If you would feel guilty about committing him, how would you feel if you did nothing and he crashed into a family and killed them? Or himself?

I know you are faced with some difficult choices, but based on what you've said, it doesn't sound like he is capable of controlling his own impulses, nor does it sound like he should be wandering around.

I would call a local mental health unit and explain that he has had a personality change and you can no longer control him. They will help you. I don't think you should expect him to do this on his own.

I also agree with Just another Lemming about consulting a lawyer about conservatorship. You can read a little about that here.