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tillmyluck · Jul 29, 2010, 12:50 PM

Hello all,

Im new to the forum, been reading so much here thought why not become a member and participate. I've read some great advise and It's wonderful to see the help and support people have here with problems they cannot share offline.

I am 25 and my boyfriend is 26, we've been together for 2 years, he is my first love. He sets conditions on me and If I don't agree to them he threatens he will break up with me, e.g.
- If I send him a gift he will break up
-if I go skinny he will reject me
- If I am not here to see him on a specific day (because he lives 100 miles away) he will break up with me.

He tells me off for talking to my male friends who flirt with me sometimes, he asks me to delete them, he tells me not to wear make up or specific garments that might be revealing in his senses.

Just a few weeks back he wished his ex a happy birthday, and it kind of feels like he still loves her, his ex hasn't been in touch with him for 3 yrs now but he seems to bring her up sometimes in the conversation. She played around with him and lied about her name and everything, yet still holds memories of her.

My boyfriend has a flirty character, he loves being around women, I've caught him secretly In chat rooms telling girls if they would like to see a pic of his private parts, he is also addicted to porn.

I keep tolerating it all, but now Im emotioally drained, Ive received therapy because I don't want to lose him and keep compromising with him, I am afraid of letting him go, yet I know he is wrong.

I am confused and upset.

Any advise?

Highly appreciated and thank you.

talaniman · Jul 29, 2010, 01:14 PM

You are not compromising a darn thing, but you are being controlled, manipulated, and abused and drained of your life force. The very thing you want most (him to love you) will never happen. Not ever.

If you are in therapy, then I am positive the therapist has told you to leave, and disappear from his life forever, so you CAN be happy, and healthy.

positiveparent · Jul 29, 2010, 05:22 PM

I totally agree with the post above, you are being controlled and this relationship is abusive and you really do need to get as far away from this person as possible, and right now. If you don't then you can expect things between you and your b/f to get worse and the day might come when he strikes you physically.

Honestly OP, this is not going to change he is controlling you and it will get much worse. You really do need to break away and ASAP. You can do much better than this b/f.

Please you really do need to end it with him.

Post here anytime and if you want to know more then please click on the link in my signature below this message. (in blue text) Please take notice of the advice you've been offered here. Come back and let us know how things are for you.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 29, 2010, 06:54 PM

Yes, what you told us is very serious abuse. This person is dangerous, I would run from this as fast as possible

martinizing2 · Jul 29, 2010, 07:04 PM

If he is a control freak, and I believe he is. The behavior is not static. It get worse and worse until the goal of isolation and total control over you is his.

Expect to be hit, slapped and punched , because somehow you made him do it.

And from there it may go to full fledged beatings.And from there... The sky is the limit

This is no joke and dangerously serious. Break it off and get far away.

Kitkat22 · Jul 29, 2010, 07:25 PM

Leave! He doesn't want a girlfriend , he wants a "yes woman".

He WILL NOT change! It will only get worse.

positiveparent · Jul 30, 2010, 03:22 PM

Have to spread the rep Kit.

The longer you stay with this b/f the harder it will be for you to get away, and soon he will control your every move, who you talk to go out with have as friends, he won't want your family anywhere near you, or anyone else for that matter, your life will be totally at his command, you won't be able to breathe unless he gives consent.

Please get out now...

You'll possibly be accused of having sex with any man he sees even look your way, and when he gets physically violent it'll be all your fault you will have asked for it, according to him...

You'll make him do it...

Kitkat22 · Jul 30, 2010, 05:07 PM

Next stop ER. Maybe even worse.
Get out!

positiveparent · Jul 30, 2010, 05:28 PM

Yes the morgue.

tillmyluck · Aug 31, 2010, 07:04 PM

Hello all once again.

I have read your replies and would like to tell you all I have broken up with him finally. He started to cheat on me and I found out and left without saying a word. Right now I feel like my world has turned upside down, hurt and abused I feel so terrible. I hope God will give him what he deserves, I wish no good for him.

Kitkat22 · Aug 31, 2010, 07:23 PM

Originally Posted by tillmyluck

Hello all once again.

I have read your replies and would like to tell you all I have broken up with him finally. He started to cheat on me and I found out and left without saying a word. Right now I feel like my world has turned upside down, hurt and abused I feel so terrible. I hope God will give him what he deserves, I wish no good for him.

Good.. He isn't worth one tear. Be glad you got out. Physical abuse would have been next. Remember in his case, "What goes round, comes
round". He's a loser and you are well rid of him.

beachloverjohn · Aug 31, 2010, 07:48 PM

Why do you want someone who is so selfish and self centered, that he could care less about your feelings? You are acting like someone who has little self respect, and self esteem, that you would put up with such a controlling and possesive individual. You need to develop some backbone, and kick this guy to the curb. He doesn't care about you, and he will never give you the kind of love you deserve. You should never settle for such an insensitive, selfish, and controlling individual as he obviously is. You are so much better than he is, just tell yourself that. Find someone who is worthy of you, not someone you have to prove to every day of your life that you are worthy of him. Anyway, glad to hear you ended it... And rest assured he will spend many nights crying over what he lost. He will realize that he is a worthless piece of crap that will never find anyone as good as you..

ATYOURSERVICE · Aug 31, 2010, 08:09 PM

Your action was good. The key word you used was "threatens".
If you believe in Karma do not wish him "no good".. it will come back to you. Just move on.

Kitkat22 · Aug 31, 2010, 08:17 PM

Originally Posted by ATYOURSERVICE

Your action was good. The key word you used was "threatens".
If you believe in Karma do not wish him "no good".. it will come back to you. Just move on.

It will come back and you won't have to do anything. People like him always end up the loser. You are a winner.:)

Just Looking · Aug 31, 2010, 09:04 PM

You did the right thing to break up with him. It will take some time for you to get over this, so be patient with yourself. He's done a number on your confidence and self-esteem. Surround yourself with your friends and family, and let them help you regain yourself. You will be so much better off in the future. If you find yourself struggling, think about some more therapy. Read other stories in this forum. You will see you are not alone and you will find tips of how to proceed. For me, that made all the difference - discovering ideas of how to move on and heal. It will take time, but just take it day by day. I'm sure we could all recommend some favorite threads if you are interested.

Good luck.