[trudy999]

I have a 12 year old daughter who is always angry. She has posted sexual desires on the internet (I have taken her computer privileges away). I try not to get into an argument with her but it's difficult. Help

[XOXOlove]

You have to be very strict with her, but try talking to her calmly about any situation in which she is in trouble with. Ask her why she is angry and explain to her why it is unnecessary to get angry about everything. Try not to pry things out of her, but show your concern for what she is doing.

It is good that you have taken her computer privileges away. You should closely monitor the sites she visits. Many young teens post inappropriate pictures on myspace and Facebook. If she has one, you should check it.

Also, what do you mean by her posting sexual desires? It is normal for teens to talk about what they are feeling as long as they are not being inappropriate. If she is, you can take this time to talk to her about abstinence. Try not to become angry about what she has said. Explain to her that it is normal for her to have feelings, but inappropriate to post such things on the internet.

[trudy999]

Thanks for the encouraging words. She posted the following:
I would like to screw George
She no longer has any accounts on the internet. It's difficult to see her like this. I love her so

[XOXOlove]

Thanks for the encouraging words. She posted the following:
I would like to screw George
She no longer has any accounts on the internet. It's difficult to see her like this. I love her so

Trudy, I think that your daughter should eventually get her internet privileges back. However, I think that you should still explain to her that what she said is inappropriate especially for her age. Instead of lecturing or arguing take the time to understand how she feels and tell her that you understand.

When you do give her her internet privileges back, tell her that you don't want her to post comments like the one she posted before. If she does so again try sitting down with her on the computer and going through the things she has posted. Delete the ones that are inappropriate. Try not to get angry with her even if she is getting upset.

If the problem continues even after this, take away her privileges and tell her that she cannot get them back until she learns to act more maturely.

[dontknownuthin]

Your daughter is in puberty which is emotionally difficult and often causes teens to be angry for no reason, easily annoyed, and generally very emotional and moody. I would not pounce on every bad mood or behavior but choose your battles - just because she has good reason to feel as she does, she still needs to learn not to take her moods and problems out on other people including family members.

As for the internet, if she only made that one statement I think she probably is experimenting with bold language she thinks her peers will like. I agree with how other posters have responded on how to talk with her about it - calmly, with understanding and with a clear message that her remarks were not age appropriate, nor appropriate for the internet.

I think it's appropriate to suspend the internet use long enough to make a big impact and then give it back with child protection software installed, and your active monitoring of what she's doing.

My son is 15 and I read his text messages on his phone, his Facebook postings and his emails. I've told him and his friends that there is no privacy on electronic media and if I see anything inappropriate parents will be advised. I've talked to my son and his friends about the long -term consequences of creating an electronic image of oneself that is shady, obscene or otherwise negative.

It's not easy but I do believe that kids who know they are being watched will make better decisions.

[Wondergirl]

It's not easy but I do believe that kids who know they are being watched will make better decisions.

What does one do with the kids who are being watched who then get sneakier?

[Kitkat22]

Parents have a right to snoop when they know something is wrong with their children!

I have always had an inner feeling when my kids were hiding something from me and like you I
Checked.

I was a mother and in the day of drugs and date rape and Lord knows what else I didn't hesitate
To get to the bottom of things.

Yes I respected their privacy when I felt they need it to be so. But when my gut feeling kicked in I did what was best for my children.

I wasn't a friend I was a mother and my children have told me often how glad they were I was strict.

Now that they are older we are friends and I am a very proud mother when they tell me about what would have happened if I hadn't found so and so things that showed me when to ground them and keep them safe.

Say I'm wrong I wouldn't do anything different.

[positiveparent]

I believe in showing trust to our teens, and also to inform them of what is or isn't appropriate for them at such a young age.

If they're taught these things before they get to their teens I feel they will know what they can and cannot do.

Like Kit says sometimes we parents just seem, to know when they may be getting up to something that's not good for them, and we can then intercept it and prevent a problem arising. Kids need discipline and to know what is or isn't allowed and they may hate us for it at the time but if we don't show them what's right or wrong they'll never learn.

I do also advocate talking to them not shouting or screaming at them they then only respond in a similar manner and when 2 people are screaming or shouting at one another neither of them is listening to what's being said.

Talking to teens and also listening to them works more so than having a shouting match.

Also remember teens are just beginning to come into their own and sometimes do things to appear bigger or more grown up than they are.

Its just a show of bravado.

[jenniepepsi]

I know its hard but you are going to have to crack down here. Lay down the law and do NOT deviate. And yes, you will have to argue. You need to lose the mindset of 'i try not to argue with her' there is NO argument. You are mom. She is 12. The answer is NO and it STAYS that way.

Good luck hon *hugs*