[mrswyatt1958]

A few years ago I got a letter from my mom along with a easter card in the mail, and I thought to myself way is she sending me a card,Well when I open it you could have knock me over with a feather,
Dear d,,
I'm sorry you can't be apart of this family,but if all you want is money then you don't need to come here because I'm not a bank.and now I see that is way you only came around was for money,
You are hard hearted ,you care for no one but yourself,you are evil you are whorish,and when you die you will go to hell and burn forever,
Eat , drink , and party ; tomorrow die and go to hell and burn forever: god does not let people like you in heaven: and then she has some bible verses underlined ; if you don't get saved and live for the lord this what is going to happen to you; etc : etc: then the last line says I'm inviting you to church easter Sunday and for you to get saved:or you can eat drink and party : tomorrow die and burn in hell forever;;

Love mom

Well I was floored I cried cried cried a good 5 hrs after reading that letter that came out of the blue,
I was going to write her back a letter but I thought way should I lower to her level, so for years I have not told my sisters our brother about it. I have never let my mom know I got the letter,but I have it still, she had not been in my home in 6 yrs at that time so I don't know how she can up with this, I do not drink ,I do not go to bars ,I closed my business up when my 1 brother passed away in 2003,it was a bar and I made good money but she said it was evil money and not any good,so when the evil money ran out I had to go to her for money,I move in low housing got a job making 5.25 hour cooking,but when my brother pass she got 50,000 dollars insurance and gave only 2 of his children 5.000 each,and to this day does not talk to them,and it was 2009 before she came to my home to visit me so in 10 years she did not know how I lived, if I seen her it was me going there to her house 3 miles away,so in April I had a car wreck and I ask her if she would help me get a car and I would pay her back, I don't know why I made that mistake, she said NO and to get right with god and my life would get right but as long as I live the way I live I would die and burn in hell,that she was done... I have not talked to her any more,but know my sisters don't talk to me either because of her.

She did not care if I was hurt and did not ask if I was,I think god was with me that night I flip the car,, or I would be dead the seat belt save me I do believe.I crawled out without a cut but my back is damaged,

I to this day can not get over the letter she wrote me,I think about it almost every day dying and burning in hell forever,

[JudyKayTee]

I'm confused - do you think you're going to die and burn in Hell?

But, no, you cannot sue your mother. It would be a very unpleasant trial, very public, and you can only sue for monetary damages.

How were you harmed?

It sounds like she has "problems" - maybe you should be praying for her.

[Alty]

I'm not a legal expert like Judy, so I wouldn't dream of giving legal advice here, seeing as this thread is in the Emotional Wellbeing forum, I will offer a bit of emotional wellness advice. ;)

Oh, for what it's worth, I agree with Judy's legal advice, had to spread the rep.

Now, what to do about this letter, your mother.

I can only imagine the pain that receiving a letter like that would cause. You have every right to be upset and I'm so sorry that you had to endure this. No mother has the right to do this to a child, all over her belief.

You know who you are. You know that your mothers letter doesn't hold the truth. She obviously has issues, and sadly people with emotional issues often hurt the people that love them most.

You can't change how she thinks, feels, or what she does. You can change how you think, feel and what you do.

Do not let this hang like a cloud over your head. You know you aren't what she said you are. You know that you're much better than that. Do not let her words make the rest of your life uncertain, painful, and sad.

You're probably reading what I posted and saying "easier said than done". You're right. So here's what I'm going to ask you to do. To help you heal, to help you move forward.

Write a letter to your mom. In that letter, express all the hurt she caused, tell her that you are not only sad about what she wrote, but angry too. Whatever is on your mind, put it in that letter. Put it in an envelope, carry it around with you for a while, and then burn it.

While you're burning the letter you wrote, throw the one she wrote into the fire too. This is a new beginning, you're leaving the past behind, looking to the future.

Reading the letter over and over again is only doing you harm. Continuing to think about this, when you know that she's not right, is hurting you.

It's time to let it go. You know the truth, and anyone that really cares about you, they'll see the true you. Your mother doesn't.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Don't let it pull you down any more. Okay?

We're here if you need to talk. :)

[Kitkat22]

Just send her a letter and say "Dear Mom...I wish you well and I hope you know I love you.

You have hurt me deeply and Christian people are not supposed to hurt people. You as my mother should be showing the love that God shows to everyone.

God is not hate and name calling. God is love and forgivness.
God greatest command said , Love one another as i have loved you.

Mom, there are no big sins or little sins and you are casting stones at me. I will say the same thing as Jesus said to the people who wanted to stone the woman who was caught in adultery. He reached down and picked up a stone and held it out and said; He among ye who is without sin, cast the first stone.

Just say Mom the love of money is the root of all evil, so is condemning and bearing false witness.

Say "I love you... but I don't think you are a very good role model to people.
You are being unfair but I do forgive you." I hope someday God will show you how badly you need love in your heart." Just an idea. I'm not a lawyer but I agree with Judykay.. Pray for her and as Alty said, burn the letter she sent you... Blessings

[Fr_Chuck]

First why are you not visiting ( beyond some obvious letters) do you live far apart. You are not expected to have to like your mother, ( heavens know I never really did mine) but you love them because they are your mother. I would call my mom every day, until she started to preach and I would merely say I had to go and hang up. She soon learned if she wanted to talk, it could not be preachy.

So perhaps she did not know how much your life changed ?

People and family normally break apart because of more than one person, so how have you tried to reach out to her in spite of this to make up with her

[lawanwadee]

You can file a lawsuit but not only you're not going to get anything, the judge would humiliate you big time. The whole thing happened because she doesn't like your behavior, lifestyle, etc. and you don't care.

Blood is always thicker than water, it's never too late to reconcile... in your life, you can have dozens boyfriends/husbands but you can only have one father and one mother. It doesn't hurt to start by letting her know you're sorry... and you do love her.

[Alty]

I'm sorry guys, but did I miss something?

What does the OP have to be sorry about?

[Kitkat22]

I'm sorry guys, but did I miss something?

What does the OP have to be sorry about?

I told her to tell her mom she forgives her. I also told her to point out to her mom that she(the mom) is judging her and that is wrong. I agree, the op doesn't have anything to be sorry about. But who knows what a letter to her mom could accomplish. It may open her mom's eyes that true Christians do not treat their child that way. I would be devastated if my mom did that, but I would try to show her she was wrong.

[JudyKayTee]

When you are attempting to reconcile I think you say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry if I ever did/said/whatever anything that ever hurt you ..." whether you did anything or not.

I'd keep it short and sweet but I'd send it and I'd end with, "You are in my prayers," or something along those lines.

And, yes, I'd burn the letter the mother sent - why read it and torture yourself?

And then my original question - does OP believe she is going to Hell? Why? Because her mother said so?

[Kitkat22]

When you are attempting to reconcile I think you say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry if I ever did/said/whatever anything that ever hurt you ..." whether you did anything or not.

I'd keep it short and sweet but I'd send it and I'd end with, "You are in my prayers," or something along those lines.

And, yes, I'd burn the letter the mother sent - why read it and torture yourself?

And then my original question - does OP believe she is going to Hell? Why? Because her mother said so?

Got to spread the rep... I do agree with you.:)

[positiveparent]

The Bible teaches that we shall not judge another only God can do that.
Again I am not able to offer any legal advice to you, you don't need a legal way to stop this, you can just return or as mentioned burn the letter from your Mother, and then if you write one to her, you could maybe remind her that it states in the bible "thou shall not judge" I also don't believe we have a vengeful God, or creator, God is love.

In writing a letter to you as your Mother did, that was very cruel, you're an adult and as such entitled to live your own life and make your own mistakes, if you get it wrong then you and only you can put that right by accepting responsibility for your own life and any choices you make whilst living it. We all ERR we are humans.

If it helps I too had a mother who was similar, mine told me to my face one year on my B/Day that she hated me always had and had spent her entire life trying to destroy me, it rocked my world no doubt as the letter your Mother sent you did yours, I spent 18 months trying to figure out how a mother could hate her own child.

I finally accepted that it happens, and I reconcilled with my late mother not long afterwards. There's a book I would recommend that you might read, its title is "When you and your Mother can't be friends" and the author is: Victoria Secunda, its available at Amazon.com price is $16 USA or $23 CAN, it is well worth the price, it details all types of Mothers and All types of Daughters, and gives helpful advice for both Mother and Daughter to help them resolve their issues.
I would recommend the book to any Mother/Daughter, who are battling, it gives insight into both sides.

You are not alone in this situation and you can do something to help you overcome this episode in your life. You can buy the book and try out some of the suggestions in it or you can end your relationship with you mother permanently. Or you could approach her as if nothing has happened and if she starts to criticise you just turn to her and politely say Please Mother, can we not go into this, if she refuses to stop then leave her home and go home, in doing this she will realise in time that she no longer gets a response out of you, you however will need to do this every time she tries to criticise you. In same token if she phones you and starts to criticise you make some excuse and hang up the phone, if you refuse to take the bait she has nothing to gain.

As things between you at this time are you have given your power to your mother by not addressing the issues, plus by letting her words have this effect on you, you know who you are and what you are, as the adult, your Mother may know you but no where near as much as you know yourself, and you do need to tell yourself often that you are not a bad person, not what your Mother has called you.

As for going to hell, your mother cannot determine that she doesn't have access to the divine, and with what she said to you, if there is such a place then I would assume she will get there first, also whatever you are your Mother helped create.

Forgive your Mother and forgive yourself, Then let it go, if you need help doing this then this site has a step by step self forgiveness exercise you could try. Relationship-Help: Self-Forgiveness

[Kitkat22]

Go on with your life and remember
Deep inside your Mom loves you.

[Jake2008]

I feel very badly for you. To read something like that, with such an indignant, arrogant condemnation of any human being, let alone to her own daughter, seems to me, to be psychologically questionable as to her motives, intent, and stability. Consider the words to be owned by the person who said them, and try to see past them. She needs to answer for how she has treated you, and believe me, her time will eventually come. You don't need to seek an apology, because she will be begging for forgiveness from a far higher power than herself.

To feel so strongly about setting this right, or feeling some sort of compulsion to have her answer for hurting you so badly, by suing her, will not solve anything. You will not feel better winning in a cold court of law, when you are announced as the successful litigant. Besides which, she seems so stuck in her judgment world with her big condemnation hammer, that even a court of law would not likely change her- as a person.

I would like to suggest something.

Make an appointment- with yourself. No kids, boyfriend/husband/work commitments etc. Set aside a couple of hours in a quiet place. Maybe a park, a walking path, a river bank. Bring along a tin can, and a book of matches.

Read the letter one more time. Slowly. Then read it again. When you are at the end of the second reading, crumble up the letter, put it in the can, and burn the crap out of it. Let the dust that is left and the burned words scatter in the wind. The words no longer have any energy, or power. They are gone for good. Let them go.

What you are letting go of is the influence that your mother and her words have had over you, and how you've lived your life, for too many years. Don't let another year go by without letting the past go. Life is too precious.

You are also letting go of the notion that somehow, somewhere, you will be vindicated, either by legal action, or some intervention, that will have her eat her words, and take back all the miserable things she said to you. That won't happen.

And if it did, you won't feel better anyway. A person with venim in their heart, and judgment in their words, will never feel the human need to ask for forgiveness, because they will never see their actions as being wrong.

She is a woman in charge of her own life. She is who she is. It matters not that she is your mother so much as it does that she is a miserable old bitty using religion to bolster very bad behaviour. Shame on her for being a cold hearted mother, taking out her negative and aggressive thoughts and actions out on you. Not much of a woman in my book, let alone a mother.

Let her words go, and with it the hurt, confusion, and questions that come with it. Hanging onto something this heavy for so long, that you have no chance of reversing, or making sense of, is very unhealthy all the way around. Spiritually speaking, you must be strong, and realize that her actions had nothing to do with anything other than her anger, and forgive her for that. As I said, she is who she is, let it go.

[positiveparent]

Hi again OP, I think there is one thing I would suggest you prepare for and also accept, that being that your Mother isn't going to apologise to you, she probably won't. Or if she does then at some later time she could very well do something that contradicts her apology.

It's a sad but true fact that all children want the love and approval of their Mothers, we somehow believe that they must love us, must care for us, but unfortunately that isn't always the case, and that's a very bitter pill to have to swallow.

You cannot change what's been done to you, you can though ensure it doesn't continue to have an adverse effect on your life.

Forgiveness whilst it may seem unwarranted will be more beneficial to you than anything else you do, when we forgive we let go of the hurt we let go of the negatives involved in that hurt, by not forgiving it effects only ourselves, the other person isn't effected by this, it means that you/me or the hurt person is continuing to give life to a negative and any negative will always cause the person hanging onto it to feel hurt sad unhappy.

Whilst I reconcilled with my own late Mother, it didn't change a thing she still went out of her way to cause me hurt or grief in some way, always made me feel as if I wasn't good enough, or couldn't quite win her affections or approval. Had I known then what I know now I could have possibly saved myself much anguish and hurt, because like most children or adult children, I still held the notion that a Mother will always love her child, I know this isn't true now.

This is why I suggest you forgive her and let it go. Its not your cross to bear, as above poster has said those words were her words not yours so let them go and burn the letter whilst you keep it you're giving life to those words, and as such you're also keeping the hurt they've caused you alive. Like all of us one day your Mother too will be answerable to her maker.

I hope this helps. Its not your fault you did nothing wrong you aren't a bad person. Try to let it go and move on until you can though you'll be stuck in the place it has you held in.

Good Luck and Sending you Positive energy...

Forgiving

[buddy12345]

This sounds terrible, are you sure your mom wrote the letter? Because it might have been a terrible and tasteless joke from somebody. I would definitely check that if I was you. And why don't you talk to her directly about it?

[JudyKayTee]

It would appear to me that OP recognizes her mother's handwriting because she has no doubt that the letter came, in fact, from her mother.

[Kitkat22]

This sounds terrible, are you sure your mom wrote the letter? Because it might have been a terrible and tasteless joke from somebody. I would definitely check that if I was you. And why don't you talk to her directly about it?

Who would be dumb enough to do that? No this is the real thing.:rolleyes: