[sweet_pea]

I knew this guy forever ago, at one point we were best friends. We would have liked to date but there was a 4 year difference in our ages (15 and19). At that time 4 years made a big difference and there was no way that my parents would have ever gone for that. Now 12 years later it's no big deal. He confessed to me back then that he had fallen in love with me, but knew there was nothing we could do about it. He went off to college and I grew up. Now 12 years later we bump into each other at a bar and every feeling that I ever had for him came slapping me in the face, he said the same thing. As we have worked on getting that friendship back and working on a relationship to boot. I'm having some trouble. We both got married, hurt and now both getting divorced. Mine not nearly as fresh as his. At least I've had longer to get over the things my ex put me through. Anyway the 1st month and a half were great, now this wall that he has put up. Not that he says that he doesn't want to see me or that he doesn't care, he terrified of getting hurt. He says that he knows he's not treating me the way he should, but he just not ready to give all of himself. I believe in fate and believe that there's a reason for everything that happens in your life. My question is, should I continue to be patient and work through these problems with him or should I back off and let him heal on his own. My mom says that "if you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if not it never was." But didn't he already come back?! Please give me your advise.

[olka]

It is common for people to lose confidence in relationships after a failed marriage, & they wouldn't like to jump into another relationship.
You should be a good friend to him at this stage, & try to help him get over his failed marriage. You should show that you really care for him & want to help him to work through his problems.
In time to come, your sincerity will touch him & make him feel confident of going into a relationship with you.

[schuylervj]

I have to go along with your mom in this case; stay in the background and let him have some time to heal... everyone works at a different pace; he may need more or less time than you had. Don't pressure him in any way, but let him know you are there for him.