Should I tell him

livingfunky · Jul 7, 2003, 01:27 PM

??
Hi all
I've been seeing a guy since last oct, we get on really well.
He told me from the beginning he didn't want a relationship, and I wasn't looking for one either, my previous boyfriend died and was looking for a bit of fun,
This guy has been seeing me at least twice a week, and he also tells me of other sexual encounters, which at first did not bother me.
He says he thinks a lot of me , but a relationship is out of the question.
But of late I have realised I do have feelings, but am not sure how to tell him . We have been seeing each other for nine months, but he just calls me a mate.
I can't carry on like this lying to myself, but I'm scared of losing him altogether,
And if I do tell him how should I go about it.. because it hurts when he talks about other girls , and not knowing when I'm going to see him again, as he never makes arrangements when he leaves ill get a call saying can I come round.. he has told me he loves me but doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want to hurt me..
Then he says he would love to move in with me... then he kools off again then.. goes back to denial... the whole things starting to get me down... and he's confused me totally... I've tried to tell him how I feel but the words don't come out right... but I no I need to sit him down and tell him
But how do I tell him
And what do I say with out scaring him off...
Help!

livingfunky · Jul 8, 2003, 02:49 PM

Anyone with any ideas...

Vicky · Jul 10, 2003, 07:44 AM

Your only human however he didn't leave you in the dark about your current relationship so I believe telling him really won't get you anywhere other than you coming out true with your feelings. I would tell him but with that accept the fact that you will have to end your relationship because you no longer just take the relationship as just "fun" now you've developed more feelings and you don't want to get deeper than you already are. You have to be strong and let it go. Otherwise you willl be getting hurt and end up both resenting one another.

1finediva · Jul 22, 2003, 12:20 PM

I think that you should definelty tell him because regardless of the outcome honesty is always the best policy! And who knows maybe he's feeling the same way as you deep down inside and just feels like he has to stand by the original terms of the relationship which was all about "fun"!?
--- maybe you can start it off something like this...
"Listen I need to talk to you. I know you always say that you're not looking for a relationship and I felt the same way in the beginning, but now a days my feelings for you have changed." (then tell him how hearing about other girls makes you feel) (- then maybe you can end it off like this) I know you said you love me, so if you really love someone how could you hurt them? Wouldn't you aleast try your hardest not to hurt them?
Hopefully I have been of some help to you, good luck

schuylervj · Sep 3, 2003, 02:01 PM

You need to be calm and let things develop in due course; he always comes to you, he seeks you out, he enjoys your company, but senses your anxiety, which is why he said he doesn't want to hurt you (and also a factor in whether he thinks you could handle a relationship)... when you show him, by your restraint, how cool and calm you are, no matter what is going on, then he will come to you on his own... just be yourself, have fun with him and see what develops. I would't mention anything about your feelings right at the moment, and when he starts talking about other girls, instead of feeling threatened, pay attention; you will be surpised at how much you can learn about what he is looking for... and what he is not.