[Raenella]

I've been dating Allen for about a year and I thought things were great between us. Hat was until last night when I got a call from the woman demanding to know where my number was programmed into her boyfriend's cell phone. I was shocked because I thought I was Allen's only woman. She went on to tell me tat she had been sleeping with Allen for the past three years. Needless to say, I was floored. Then, she put Allen on the ohone and he admitted that it was true. If that wasn't bad enough, the woman told me that Allen had done this before(cheated on her) with several women(many of whom he had unprotected sex). Ii was one of those women. I know I should have know better but I thought this was the man I loved and trusted. Even worse, she told me about one occasion where Allen infected her with chlamydia. I feel so stupid and cheap... and I know it's all my fault. I hate myself more than Allen because I was foolish enough to trust him. I want him pay so much for the lies and the betrayal but I'm so hurt and angry.

I don't know what to do. I took a pregnancy test and thank goodness, I'm not pregnant. But I'm scared to find out if I have an STD. I don't even know where to go. Then, what makes it even worse is that he met my family and they adored him. I dread every time they speak his name and I certainly don't want to tell them how we broke up. I just don't know what to do or who to turn to...

[gemkat20]

Hi there,
You should get yourself down to your doctor and just make sure everything is OK,I'm sure ull be fine but chlamydia can go unoticed so better to be safe- it'll put your mind at rest.
Also tell your folks what happened - You did nothing wrond and should be ashamed or embarrassed, it's good to have support, they'll be on your side- they're your famiily after all and their main concern will be your welfare and probably not sticking up for some scum that has been cheating with numerous women!
I know its easy to say but try not to dwell on thinking about it , go out with friends get involved in other things, it might not sort it right away but it'll help after a while.
It's a horrible thing to happen and is in no way your fault!

[dwalex]

There is really no need to tell you folks all the details at this time, just tell them that things did not work out and that you would apreciate it if they would not talk about him for the time being. If at some time in the future you want to tell them more that's fine. Check in the phone book for department of health. Most communities of any size have some sort of clinic where they screen for free and it is confidential. It may be to uncomftorable sharing details with your regular Dr. Remember, you did nothing wrong, you just happened to meet up with a sweet talking dog. As far as getting even that would likely make things worse and remember these type of people almost always get what's coming to them. Hold your head high, live a life you can be truly proud of and move on.

Best wishes,
Dwalex

[chabat]

Best place to go for help from the keyboard is MarriageBuilders.com website. I highly recommend them.

[chaz1797]

You know that is hard but life goes on and what you need to concentrate is on you, and getting tested for any STD once you've done that and I pray to God that everything comes out good for you, go on with your life, you sound like a nice person and I'm sure Mr right is out there for you . Just be careful and know more about the person... Don't blame yourself for this guy''s mistakes every bad we do on this earth we have to account to our Lord, so just leave it in his hands and go on with your life... Best of luck and God bless


Chaz :)

[Shiru]

Hi,
First of all you have nothing to be ashamed of. Right now you are angry and anyone can understand that. What you should do is focus on yourself and don't spend so much time worrying about what has already happened. What matters is now, go to a clinic or your doctor and have them run tests for sexually transmitted infections. There are nice guys out here and when the time is right you will find that special someone. I can tell you from experince that time does heal.
Take care

[schuylervj]

You have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of; you are the agrreived party in this case, all you did was fall in love with the wrong guy and trust him when he was not worthy of it. You can tell your family certain aspects, not the entire sordid manner in which you found out the truth, and simply say that things did not work out, and he was with someone else that you were not aware of... no details. And you need to go to a doctor ASAP; you do not want to put off finding out whether you contracted an STD. You're not stupid and you're not cheap; HE is, and his unfortunate girlfriend; he did not even have the decency to talk to you himself, he put her up to it instead, what a guy... in the meantime, start writing a personal journal and write down anything and everything that comes to mind; you may find out more about the relationship than you were aware of initially... and it will empower you to take your own life back and to organize your thoughts.

[venusishere]

Hello Raenella - this is a lot to take in all at once. One of the forst things I hope you will do is to take a step back and play the tape in your memory of what has just happened. Betrayal can send us on a rollercoaster of emotions which will blurr our normal way of thought. So, Catch your breath and bring your thoughts to an objective state. Firstly, Allen does not appear to be "response-able" if he is betraying others and not getting real with who he really is or what he really wants from life (let alone a relationship). You, on the other hand have the advantage. You have known bounderies in your life. Don't be afraid to let those bounderies guied you to where you truly need to be. Allen did what he did. You have no control over him. You do have control over you and what you do. What is done is done and that you must accept that. What you do not have to accept is having anything more to do with someone who treats a relationship with betrayal, lies, deciet and disrespects. Raenella, how is this your fault? Were you not truthful with him? Did you not give him your gift of trust to build upon a realationship? We all need to honor our own sacredness and Allen does not appear to have done that for you nor for himself or for the other woman involved. Raenella, it is now time to hohor your own sacredness. Stay your bounderies and do not let this tear apart your belief or trust in others. You have every right to be upset and angry at what he has done. But there is no gain in avenging him for his own lack of sacredness and of his own dishonor. More thatn anything, he dishonors himself as a man and as a human bieng. He has to come to his own truth and realization of the sacredness of life before he will ever come to know the true richness of treasures life can bring. My advice to you is this:
Do get checked out for your healths sake, it is the right thing to do.
YOur family needs not to know what the specifics are of your breakup - they shouold honor your decission and support you and if they do not understand, it is your choice to inform them that he is a cheat and needs time to awaken to his truth.
I would have no contact with him. He broke the trust and shows no sense of comprehension of what his actions have done - that makes him not safe or healthy to be around.
Focus on you. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. There are lots of relationship books to read about. There are support for those betrayed. You may enjoy getting some information from Dear Peggy.com or a book called "IN The MeanTime" by Iyalana Vanzant.
Stay around healthy people and friends.
You can not change the past but you can change the future. Love yourself and don't let this man take away from your own integerity just becaused he stepped down on his and affected yours - rise above to show him you are better than that. YOu seek your happiness, forget about his (as he seems to have quite a way to travel to find it if at all).
Look for what you can count as blessings in your daily life and acknowledage them. Help others less fortunate than you (this will get your mind away from the betrayal). Allow for your grief and pain, accept how it feels, surrender to it and then, rise above to go on and do better, be better. YOur life awaits you. It is all a choice. Choose better, you are so much more worth the better things in life.
Blessings to you,
Venus

[runrunrun]

Hi

This is awful. It also gives me a new perspective on cheating and being the other woman isn't always as it seems.
As a wife and mother who has had the misfortune of experiencing infidelity I know how it feels when you find out. Words cannot describe. I feel for you.
I cannot really give you any advice but only my opinion and I hope you take that whichever way you find most appropriate.

The woman who called you unfortunately found herself in exactly the same position as you. Not a great comfort for you of course.
However, due to her anger I am not sure that she really understood your situation. She was mad at Allan and she could only think of you as a cheater.
If I was in your shoes I would not hesitate to contact her and ask to meet her. She too has been disrespected by this man, who obviously thrives on multi affairs. He might seem like the nicest guy in the world but read up on psociopaths you will soon change your mind. There are a few things the 3yr girlfriend really needs to know.
For your own peace of mind it would be good for her to know that you too feel victimized and that you are under no circumstances cheap or underhand.
This woman has probably heard many untruths about you and you have the chance to set this right. You can also help her understand how he managed to manipulate you both for a year. He was very cunning.
I'm sure others could learn from your experience too.

You don't need revenge on your X all you need is to set the records straight by telling the truth.
When she goes back to him with the whole clean truth he will have enough to answer to.

I really hope you can get over this quickly.
This site is great for getting those feelings out and there are so many wise people here ready to give a helping hand, hug or advice.
Good luck.