[eam6199]

:-X

I've dated my husband for four years and we were just married this past April. He is the love of my life. We get along so well. I grew up in an abusive home and I never wanted the life my mother had and thankfully I don't. Though I love this man more than life itself, there is a problem... his family. Not his whole family, in particular his father and brother, everyone else is nice and helpful. It all start 2 years ago when his father got ahold of his credit card and put over $1000 in charges, my husband was ferious but his father promise he would pay him back and when the bills came in every month he would pay. Just recently we were applying for a loan so we could get furniture for our new home. We were then denied because of outstanding balances appartenly his father stopped paying and the debt is a little over $1000 now... I was ferious and my husband also. When we called his father and questioned this matter he went on to say how he is going through a bad divorce and he doesn't have anything... Which we know is a lie because he is taking care of his other son whom has 4 children he can not take care of (the other son is 25, my husband is 22) He is paying for his son's car, insurance, utilties, rent EVERYTHING! We were accused of being greedy and mean and hurtful. I feel as though his father should pay us right now. My husband has helped his father so much it's sick the way he is being treated now. When his own wife wouldnt' take him to the hospital for his operation my husband was there, when his dad needed some money for christmas gifts, my husband was there, when he needed help with a car payment my husband was there. NEVER has the other son helped. My husband has also help his brother out numerous times. My husband refuses to ever help again, and swears on it. It's just his father makes him feel so ashamed and greedy. It's unbeileveable. My husband I just moved (he is in the military) and we are just trying to start our lives, I would love to have a family soon, but that is put on the back burner due to my husband's father... There are times when I am upset at my husband because he isn't telling his father off, he says that won't help matters, which I know but I want his father to know that he has really screwed things up. His dad went as far to say that my husband is nieve and gullable and easy to manipulate! I want nothing more to do with this man... How can I reslove this matter? From everything my husband has helped his father it's added up to $3,000 (over a 4 year period) and his brother actually spent money that was ours.. ) a little over $200-that is a whole other story, but basically he spent it on his children (or so he said) But there is also the matter of back payments he owes my husband for a vehicle (this happened 4 years ago) that is about $600.
My husband is a good man but I can't stand to set back and watch what is happening to him... I feel like I should do something but what? I really want to start a family and start our life together, we are just between a hard place and a big rock... We don't have the money to pay off the debts... I just can't get over this!
HELP ME PLEASE :'(

[schuylervj]

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." Your husband has been allowing his father to use and manipulate him and his father is not only ungrateful, he is contemptuous of your husband's generosity which his father sees as weakness and has no respect for him because of his kindness. Unitl your husband starts taking control of his life, and yours, his father will continue to use him and belittle him and be ungrateful; in short, your husband's father is not a nice man... in fact, he is a real you-know-what. Your husband, in addition to sacrificing his own life, is also sacrificing yours with respect to starting your own family... I guarantee your husband's father will not welcome the thought of the two of you starting your own family because then you have a built-in excuse to stop giving him money. Wiith or without having children, you need to stop the handouts because you will never see the money unless you get a lawyer to sue him to get it back... and I doubt your husband will do that, although it is his ight to do so. In the meantime, you can tell your husband to stop giving and giving, and doing and doing, because all it gets him is contempt and lack of respect from his father who, in his own warped mind, sees the kindness as weakness and despises him for it... until and unless your husband stops doing things for his father, this situation will continue and only worsen over time. Let the other brother step in and do something, it's his turn. Don't take no for an answer; this is your life you are fighting for, and your husband's, not to mention your future family... stop going down the drain for a selfish, greedy man who has no character and no common decency. (Your father-in-law) Your father-in-law plays the guilt card and your husband always falls for the trap; it is amazing how easy it becomes to say no once you have done it one or two times... your husband must say no for the sake of his own sanity and your sake and the sake of your future children; you are not living your lives for the convenience of your father-in-law. He is a bully, and an ungrateful one at that... not to mention a liar.