[brightsky]

I'm a 19 year old girl and there's this man who's probably 30 something possibly even 40 (I'm not exactly sure of his age even though he doesn't look old) who's a neighbor of mine. We live in the same apartment building and is someone that I see every now and then. He's married with kids and trust me, I understand that and I am not after him, but, I've been thinking that this man may be attracted to me and/or flirting with me. We don't know anything too personal about one another. Not even each others' names but here's why I think he may be attracted to me/flirting with me:

Every time he sees me, he says hi and I know that it seems like no big deal to say hello but this guy will pretty much go out of his way to say hi to me. For example, he sees me but I don't see him, and he'll still call out something like "Hey girl! How you doing?!" even if I'm like 5 feet away from him. He's always being nice to me and to my dad who I'm really close with and whom I live with. He also stares at me and if/when I catch him staring at me, he won't look away. Instead he'll try to hold eye contact with me. He has actually held eye contact with me longer than you normally would hold eye contact with someone. He always looks at me as I was walk past him. Whenever he sees me, he seems to find something to say even if it's silly and unimportant. Sometimes, I can't help but think that he does it to try and grab my attention. Whenever he gets the chance to, he tries to make small talk and when we talk the conversation is pretty much always about me. One day, as I was walking outside while he was driving past, he saw me and wouldn't take his eyes off me until he had driven too far ahead to keep looking. One time, as I was entering the building, he held the door open for me and as I was walking through the door, he reached over and touched a small part of my hair that was up by my face with his hand. I was so shocked, confused, and uncomfortable that I just walked away without saying anything or even looking at him. Then, another time when he and I saw each other we had a small conversation and when our conversation ended he suggested that I give him my email address. This wasn't the first time that he implied that he wanted my email address (he had also done it before a couple of years ago).

A few weeks after that, I was on my way out one morning with my dad. He said good morning to my dad as he greeted him with a handshake. Then proceeded to greet me the same way. The difference was that when he took my hand, he wouldn't stop looking at me, & he didn't exactly shake my hand, he just gave it a slight and gentle squeeze, and held my hand a little longer than normal. It felt as if he didn't want to let go. There was also this time when I was going out and he was across the street from me. He seemed distracted but as soon as he saw me, he went "oooh" and seemed really happy to see me (I wasn't wearing revealing clothing (I never do) just simple fitted jeans and a fitted shirt) but his face just seemed to light up.
There was also a time when we ran into each other at a gas station. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the car I was in, with the window closed as he parked his car right next to the one I was in. He kept looking at me the whole time and even playfully stuck his tongue out at me. I tried my best to ignore him but, I could just feel his eyes on me the whole time. Even when he was paying for the stuff he bought, he kept turning to look back at me. He even did the "call me" thing where you hold your pinky finger and thumb finger up to your face to me twice. The weird thing is that I don't know whether he was trying to ask me for me for my number or if he was trying to tell me to call him. Either way, he doesn't have my number nor do I have his. He also didn't leave till I waved good-bye to him.

After that, some time went by where we didn't see each other but, when we did, he asked me if I was done with school for the year and I said that I was. Then he said "Oh no wonder I don't see you in the mornings anymore."
And now, just about a week ago, I was in the car across the street and as he was he headed into the building (on the other side of the street) he saw me, didn't take his eyes off me once and even turned his head to look back at me until I was out of his sight.

So, is he just being friendly or is he interested? I'm asking this question because I'm confused and sometimes don't know how to react to his actions because I'm not sure whether he's just being friendly or not.
Sorry for making this a long post but I thought the details might help.

[Kitkat22]

He's married doesn't matter if he's just trying to be friendly or not.
If he wants to be more than friendly,he's a sleaze and still married.

[Homegirl 50]

He is behaving inappropriately.
Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.

[Kitkat22]

He is behaving inappropriately.
Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.

Yes, tell your Dad. I'm sure a nice conversation between him and your dad would put an end to it.:rolleyes:

[Homegirl 50]

Yep, that should do the trick.
Perhaps if you ignore him, he'll get the message.

[brightsky]

He is behaving inappropriately.
Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.

Don't worry. I haven't given him my email address. The time(s) that he asked for it, I just brushed it off as if I didn't even hear him.
I've thought about telling my dad about him but, I'm afraid that he won't believe me.

I also kind of tried to tell a friend of mine, who's my age, about him once but, I couldn't even explain the situation fully to her because she approached it immaturely right off the bat.

[Homegirl 50]

Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.

[Kitkat22]

Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.

Or you could tell the guy to "knock it off" or you'll tell your boyfriend and your Dad. Scare the living daylights out of him. And be emphatic when you do it!

[Homegirl 50]

Kitkat has a point.
The next time he says something to you, tell him you are not interested and to knock it off, if he doesn't tell your dad.

[brightsky]

Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.

Well... sometimes, I feel like my dad won't believe me because he's always thought of this guy as a nice guy and the guy has never really given him a reason to believe otherwise. Plus, my dad is a little naïve at times and I'm afraid that if I told him, he'd say something like "the guy is married, why would he be interested in you?" or just simply think that I'm one of those girls who can't have a guy be nice to her because she just assumes that he's interested in her.

[brightsky]

Kitkat has a point.
The next time he says something to you, tell him you are not interested and to knock it off, if he doesn't tell your dad.

Yeah. I guess I'll try that but, the problem is that he has never actually flat out said that he's interested in me or anything like that. He just drops hints of interest like the ones I mentioned in my original post. So, if someone doesn't tell you straight out that they're interested in you how can you tell them that you're not interested in them?

[Kitkat22]

Well...sometimes, I feel like my dad won't believe me because he's always thought of this guy as a nice guy and the guy has never really given him a reason to believe otherwise. Plus, my dad is a little naive at times and I'm afraid that if I told him, he'd say something like "the guy is married, why would he be interested in you?" or just simply think that I'm one of those girls who can't have a guy be nice to her because she just assumes that he's interested in her.

Tell him anyway. Daddies have a built in radar when it comes to their baby
Girl. See if he doesn't react just as all daddies would.:eek:

[Homegirl 50]

I doubt your dad is as naïve as you think. He is a man after all.
I don't think he would appreciate a married man making passes at his daughter.
You still should tell him this guy is creeping you out.
Are you out spoken enough to tell the man to just leave you alone?

Quote:

Originally Posted by brightsky
Yeah. I guess I'll try that but, the problem is that he has never actually flat out said that he's interested in me or anything like that. He just drops hints of interest like the ones I mentioned in my original post. So, if someone doesn't tell you straight out that they're interested in you how can you tell them that you're not interested in them?

The guys actions are inapporpritae. He should not be asking for your e-mail address. He should not be talking to you and staring at you.
Ignore him. See if he gets that message.

[Kitkat22]

The guys actions are inapporpritae. He should not be asking for youe-mail ddress. He should not be talking to you and staring at you.
Ignore him. See if he gets that message.

Yes they are. HG is right.. he's a dirty old man with the leer and the asking for your email. Tell him outright you aren't interested. He probably already has another young "squeeze" at his office.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Brightsky, you are a very perceptive young lady. Your inner voice is steering you correctly. In the future, always listen to that voice. Never doubt it. To answer your question directly: The guy is DEFINITELY very interested in you, as the others here have stated. His behaviour is downright creepy. It sounds like his attention is bordering on obsession. I know you don't want to be rude so you haven't said anything to get him away from you BUT... you need to start being rude. When you see him, look him square in the eye and ask VERY loudly "Where are your beautiful wife and children?" Then scowl at him and walk away quickly. If on the next occasion, he attempts to stare at you, get your attention, or speak with you, say & do the same thing as before. It may take a third time of doing it, but I can guarantee he will stop. Especially if any neighbors are within earshot. He may actually attempt to avoid you after that.

If you are not comfortable with the above, or if it doesn't work (that would mean the guy is REALLY obsessed with you), then you need to do what I told a friend to do. She was literally in the same situation you are in. She thought her father wouldn't believe her too. I suggested she write down everything this guy said & did (as you have done here).

I told her to go to her Dad with the paper in hand & tell him that she thought this man was making inappropriate passes at her but since she wasn't experienced she wasn't sure, so she wrote it all down & would he please read through it and tell her what he thought.

Her father told her that her instinct was right, he went and spoke to the man. We don't know what he said BUT, the man never bothered her again and actually avoided her. I suspect the Dad told the neighbor that if he heard he was staring, or attempting to make conversation with his daughter again, he would go over to his apartment, have a chat with the guy's wife, and show her what his daughter had written.

So, if the second option is something you are more comfortable with, my suggestion to you is to print out this entire thread. Talk to your Dad as my friend did with hers & let him read all of this.

[brightsky]

I doubt your dad is as naive as you think. He is a man after all.
I don't think he would appreciate a married man making passes at his daughter.
You still should tell him this guy is creeping you out.
Are you out spoken enough to tell the man to just leave you alone?

I honestly, don't know if I'm outspoken enough to tell this man to leave me alone because I'm actually a very shy person but, I guess that if things ever came to a point where I felt like they were out of hand, than I COULD. The problem is, we don't want things to get out of hand in order for me to tell him to leave me alone.

Just_Another_Lemming, you're right. I AM a percerptive person and you're right... I don't want to be rude. I guess I just need to find it in me, to be rude or just try to do what you mentioned in your second option. Thanks for responding to my post. :)

[Kitkat22]

My husband used to say;Gosh you gave him the look" I didn't have to say anything, The look is raising one eyebrow and glaring without blinking. Used it a lot when I was with my girls and these old pervs would look at them. It worked!

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Bright, you are welcome. I can tell you are very nervous over this or you wouldn't have posted. AND, frankly, I am very nervous & worried for you. So, please, before the guy manages to find a way to corner you when you are alone, I really want you to do one of those things immediately. Do whichever thing makes you the most comfortable.

BTW, since I don't know what my friend's Dad said to the man, for all I know, he could have told the guy that he would beat the living daylights out of him if he even looked at his daughter again!

Just my suggestion to your Dad. :)


KK, I just saw your post. Have to spread the love but wanted you to know that is a great idea. "The look" has worked for centuries!

[Kitkat22]

KK, I just saw your post. Have to spread the love but wanted you to know that is a great idea. "The look" has worked for centuries!

The "look" can turn men to stone. My girls inherited it from me.:eek:

[Homegirl 50]

It is not rude to tell a guy to leave you alone, it is standing up for yourself.
This man is being rude, rude and inappropriate!