[Kitkat22]

Even though you haven't seen the guy in while, it doesn't mean he isn't watching for you. Please don't forget to show your father everything we have written.

Post back and let us know how it goes. We are all very worried about you.

Tell your dad and keep us posted!:)

[brightsky]

UPDATE

For anyone who is interested in an update. Here it is: I hadn't seen the guy in about a month (this includes the time I spent posting about the situation on here). I saw him a couple of days ago while I was walking towards the entrance of the apartment building. I stopped to talk to my cousin who was headed in the opposite direction of me for a bit. The guy said hello to both of us and then she (my cousin) continued to head in her direction and so did I. After she was gone, he made small talk with me. Asking me stuff like how I have been, how my summer has been, am I going back to school, etc, etc. So, we're walking down the hallway when he asks "So, where's your boyfriend?" I ignored his question and continued to walk in the direction I was headed. He asked again, "Where's your boyfriend? Has he been taking you places?" I ignored his question and just responded with "You are funny" (in a sarcastic tone of voice) and then he said "That still doesn't answer my question"... I didn't say anything and he just changed the subject as we entered the elevator because some other guy was in there with us.

For anyone who is wondering, no, I haven't told my dad yet. I just haven't worked up the guts to do it even after all the suggestions you guys have given me BUT I AM thinking about starting small first. As in, maybe trying to my friend again even though when I first tried to tell her she was pretty immature about it. Maybe if she sees that I'm being serious, she will be too and/or also tell my cousin (the one who saw me that day) and then tell my dad after I tell them.

[Homegirl 50]

Don't play with this guy.
You need to come right out and tell him to leave you alone. It is none of his business if you have a boyfriend or where he is taking you and he needs to be told that sternly. As long as you -foot around this, it may lead him on. Talk to your father, ask him what you should do.
Don't allow yourself to be caught alone with him. Why would you even approach and elevator with him? Use your head young lady.

[martinizing2]

Stop playing around.
Tell him to leave you alone!

Tell your dad. This needs to end now!
It can only get worse if let go.

[Cat1864]

The time for starting small has passed.

The time to tell your father is here. This person has shown that he can 'bide' his time and catch you at a fairly vulnerable time (when you are alone and no one else is in sight).

Tell your father that this person is making you feel uncomfortable and why. Let him know that it has been going on for awhile. If he thinks you are over reacting, ask him to pay closer attention and show him this thread.

[Kitkat22]

Don't fool around with this guy! Tell your Dad. You are not safe if this guy gets away with the behavior he is exhibiting.

[talaniman]

Tell your dad you are not comfortable around this guy, as everyone has said, and THEN talk to your friend, and cousin, because at least DAD can watch your back, or whatever it takes to protect you.

He will be more than glad to keep an eye on this fellow, and take the right actions.

But you must tell him first, right?

[jmjoseph]

brightsky, I have two sons, no daughters. But if I DID have a daughter I would like to think that she would believe in me enough to be able to tell me ANYTHING concerning men being innappropriate. This guy is a pervert. No questions about it. He is old enough to be your father, and he is LUSTING after you.

I don't even know you, but I'll tell you, this guy makes me want to come to where you are, and straighten this problem out right now.

HE TOUCHED YOU.

If you were MY daughter, and he did all these things to make you feel uncomfortable, well let's just say I would be compelled to take the law into my own hands. I'll leave the specifics unsaid.

Don't play his games.

Tell your father today. Right now. He started all of this when you were a MINOR. He must be stopped. When he is with his WIFE, he could be silently thinking of you. Pretty sick, HUH?

And who knows what he wants to send you through your e-mail?

The last thing you need to do is to play games with him. All that is going to do is make him ramp up his stalking, and hunting.

I hope you do the right thing.

Stay safe.

[brightsky]

brightsky, I have two sons, no daughters. But if I DID have a daughter I would like to think that she would believe in me enough to be able to tell me ANYTHING concerning men being innappropriate. This guy is a pervert. No questions about it. He is old enough to be your father, and he is LUSTING after you.

I don't even know you, but I'll tell you, this guy makes me want to come to where you are, and straighten this problem out right now.

HE TOUCHED YOU.

If you were MY daughter, and he did all these things to make you feel uncomfortable, well let's just say I would be compelled to take the law into my own hands. I'll leave the specifics unsaid.

Don't play his games.

Tell your father today. Right now. He started all of this when you were a MINOR. He must be stopped. When he is with his WIFE, he could be silently thinking of you. Pretty sick, HUH?

And who knows what he wants to send you through your e-mail?

The last thing you need to do is to play games with him. All that is going to do is make him ramp up his stalking, and hunting.

I hope you do the right thing.

Stay safe.

Thanks for your input jmjoseph. You brought up some good points and have given me good advice, as have others who responded to my original post. It's funny that you mention what your reaction would be if I were your daughter because it sounds really similar to what my dad has said in terms of... if anyone ever hurt or harmed one of his kids. He has said that if anyone ever hurt or harmed his kids, then he'd be crazy enough to [BLEEP] that person, which to be honest, I guess is also what has kind of kept me from telling him about this. I'm afraid that he'll overreact and try do more than just have a few words with the guy (if you know what I mean).
See, my dad has shown that he can't exactly be rational when he's angry and it's hard for someone to even get a word in to explain themselves to him when he is angry. I just don't want him to do anything crazy because I don't see the need for that.

And yes, this whole thing did start when I was a minor. I think it started when I was about 15 or 16 years old (I just very recently turned 19). The only problem is, that at that time, since he was much more subtle with his actions and stuff, I thought he was just being friendly and that it was no big deal. He started to be a little more forward once I turned 18. Things became more clear for me and that's when I started having my suspicions. Especially, since he kept telling me stuff like how good it is (or was) to be 18 and stuff like that.

I am not trying to play games with this guy nor am I trying to encourage him. I don't see him too often. It's usually every few weeks or so and even then I try to avoid him and/or ignore him when I see him, but, he seems to notice me whenever I'm around.

[Kitkat22]

Thanks for your input jmjoseph. You brought up some good points and have given me good advice, as have others who responded to my original post. It's funny that you mention what your reaction would be if I were your daughter because it sounds really similar to what my dad has said in terms of...if anyone ever hurt or harmed one of his kids. He has said that if anyone ever hurt or harmed his kids, then he'd be crazy enough to [BLEEP] that person, which to be honest, I guess is also what has kind of kept me from telling him about this. I'm afraid that he'll overreact and try do more than just have a few words with the guy (if you know what I mean).
See, my dad has shown that he can't exactly be rational when he's angry and it's hard for someone to even get a word in to explain themselves to him when he is angry. I just don't want him to do anything crazy because I don't see the need for that.

And yes, this whole thing did start when I was a minor. I think it started when I was about 15 or 16 years old (I just very recently turned 19). The only problem is, that at that time, since he was much more subtle with his actions and stuff, I thought he was just being friendly and that it was no big deal. He started to be a little more forward once I turned 18. Things became more clear for me and that's when I started having my suspicions. Especially, since he kept telling me stuff like how good it is (or was) to be 18 and stuff like that.

I am not trying to play games with this guy nor am I trying to encourage him. I don't see him too often. It's usually every few weeks or so and even then I try to avoid him and/or ignore him when I see him, but, he seems to notice me whenever I'm around.

Tell your dad. Please. There are probably other young girls he has done this to.:mad:

[Homegirl 50]

I think you should tell your dad anyway. Someone needs to know about this guy.
If something happened I'm sure he would be upset that you didn't trust him enough to tell him what was going on.
Trust your dad, he's an adult, he will know how to carry himself.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Brightsky, where is your Mother in all of this? Is she a bit easier for you to talk with than your Dad?

Please. Print out this entire thread, including what you have written about your fear that your father's temper. Speak with your mother, let her read this entire thread, and allow her to guide you on how to resolve this situation. By biding your time and hoping it will just stop on it's own is foolish thinking and you know it. I really am fearful that this guy is going to corner you one day soon.

If you are still resistant, do you ever see this guy's wife? It might be uncomfortable but maybe you should just hand her this entire thread with a note written on top that this is about her husband, and then just walk away.

The other thing you might want to consider is to walk into your local police precinct and speak to an officer. Show him this thread. Maybe he will be willing to have a few words with your neighbor without your father having to get involved. If a police officer makes you uncomfortable you need to think of someone, anyone, in your life that would be willing to have a serious talk with this man to force him to back off completely from interacting with you.

[Cat1864]

And yes, this whole thing did start when I was a minor. I think it started when I was about 15 or 16 years old (I just very recently turned 19). The only problem is, that at that time, since he was much more subtle with his actions and stuff, I thought he was just being friendly and that it was no big deal. He started to be a little more forward once I turned 18. Things became more clear for me and that's when I started having my suspicions. Especially, since he kept telling me stuff like how good it is (or was) to be 18 and stuff like that.

Like I said, this person has shown that he can be patient and wait for the slightest indication (in his mind) that you are receptive to his 'advances'. That he stepped up a level in his rhetoric after you turned 18 should be a warning. That you feel uncomfortable enough about him to ask what to do on a website should tell you something.

Think of it this way. Why did he change the subject when another person was in the elevator? Where do you think he would gone with his questions about boyfriends and how insistent do you think he would have become in getting an answer?

Understand that fathers often will talk loud and carry a big stick to warn off those who might want to hurt their children. It doesn't mean they aren't capable of having a rational discussion about issues. Bring up the subject with him in a calm way. Tell him what has you concerned and why.

[Jake2008]

I cannot understand your reluctance.

I cannot understand why talking to your father is a harder prospect for you, than dealing with this stalker.

I cannot understand why you would banter with him about a boyfriend. Nor does it make sense that you would ride in an elevator with him- alone. You were lucky that someone else was in there. I don't understand why, when you allowed him to talk to you, that you didn't tell him to piss off and mind his own business. I don't understand why you didn't totally ignore him, and don't totally ignore him, why you hesitate in telling someone- anyone- that you are fearful, afraid for your safety, and find his behaviour totally inappropriate.

Why is that.

Every green light you give him, gives him more green lights. He is getting more personal, more secretive, more demanding- by the sounds of things. As I said to you in my first post on this matter, it will escalate- and it is escalating, and you are aware it is escalating. Yet- you don't stop him. Why is that.

I don't know why you are allowing yourself down the path of being a victim here. You imply that you have no control over you own actions, let alone his. I don't think you take this seriously, either that, or you are enjoying the game of cat and mouse.

What I don't hear, is you in dread of returning to your home, or that you cannot think straight because this guy scares you so much, and you are fearful of turning a corner and finding yourself alone with him, with no way out. No way out- think about that. If he knows so much about you already, he also knows how to carry on, plotting and planning, and you go along with it- why? Because you have had many opportunities to stop him- but you don't.

What IS the problem here.

Unless you think of your father as an idiot, you DO know that he will do something. And if he chooses not to, you do know you have alternatives. Police, family services, the landlord, and any women's shelter will help you with valuable information on how to deal with this. An aunt, and uncle, an older cousin, a pastor, a neighbour. That you keep making a choice not to do something with all the resources at your disposal, makes me think this will never end- because you don't want it to. Not because you can't, but because you choose not to act.

What you really have now, after all this time, is a secret relationship with him. Nobody knows about it. Why do you allow this, and risk further contact, banter, small talk etc. with him, and keep it all a secret.

Surely you are aware that to CHOOSE to carry on with this secret relationship, and choose not to do what you have to do to stop it, what you risk could be your life.

I have to ask the obvious here- and that is simply, what is going on here, that you don't get off your a*s, back up your own behaviour, thoughts and actions, with a plan, to put an end to it.

[Cat1864]

Jake, I had to spread the rep. I, too, think there is a disconnect between words and actions.

JAL, I don't think we have a 'troll'. I think we have someone who is questioning her own judgment because it started so subtly. Someone who is afraid she is jumping at shadows and is just now starting to see what is casting them. Someone who has been accepting this behavior as normal for a number of years now. Someone who is learning to trust her instincts even if means upsetting a few people.

Brightsky, Jake makes some important points. What you are describing is very close to how sexual predators 'groom' their victims. They go slow and escalate at a very low rate until they feel the victim won't fight back or won't be believed if they do then they pounce.

He has you questioning your judgment. Doing things you aren't comfortable with to prove to him and probably to yourself you aren't scared. He can easily distract you from paying attention to the warning signs going off in your head. He waits for long enough times between 'meetings' that you have time to begin thinking you are reading more into it than is there.

He is playing a cat and mouse game with you. You need to stop the game. Become proactive instead of reactive. Trust yourself and listen to the alarms going off. Don't let there be a next encounter without your father, landlord, police, preacher, someone in an authoritative position knowing that you are concerned.

You are probably not the only one he is playing with. More than likely there have been and are others. You could be one more piece in a very big puzzle.

[Homegirl 50]

Good advice Jake and Cat. Have to spread some rep.
I too was wondering why she got on an elevator with him, she didn't know someone else was there.
I don't think you realize the position you are allowing him to put you in. I say allowing because you are. You have options and you aren't taking any of them. You're waiting for a friend to believe you (what is she going to do?) but you won't tell your father (he can do something)
Don't get caught up in this man's web and game. It's time for you to take control of this situation or stop whinning about it. Talk to your father about this.

[Kitkat22]

Be careful! Take the advice. This man is displaying unacceptable actions.

Tell your dad.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Cat, I fully agree with you on your assessment of the situation. I don't doubt she has a neighbor that is making her uncomfortable. The troll was a question and I didn't mean it in the traditional sense.

Bright, I am concerned with the way you appear to be returning every few days to share why you are fearful to tell your father, you agree with us all, give us updates on the situation, but not making one move to speak with anyone in your life about this situation, aside from us here at AMHD. We are all repeating our advice in one way or another. So, I guess I am wondering when the excuses will end and you will start to act to protect yourself.

[brightsky]

I apologize if I've made any of you think or feel that I'm just a "troll". This is a real situation that I'm dealing with here and it's been hard for me to speak to my dad about this because I'm a very shy person and sometimes it's hard for me to express myself the way I want to, which is also why I haven't straight out told the guy to leave me alone. The thought is in my head but, the words won't come out. I know, you guys are probably thinking "but yet you make small talk"... HE makes the small talk, I barely even answer his questions or respond to his comments.

And Just_Another_Flemming, I know you asked about my mother. She isn't in the picture. She passed away when I was a little kid.

But, you guys are right. It's time to put an end to the excuses which is why I've decided that I'm going to talk to my dad today. No more excuses.

[Kitkat22]

I apologize if I've made any of you think or feel that I'm just a "troll". This is a real situation that I'm dealing with here and it's been hard for me to speak to my dad about this because I'm a very shy person and sometimes it's hard for me to express myself the way I want to, which is also why I haven't straight out told the guy to leave me alone. The thought is in my head but, the words won't come out. I know, you guys are probably thinking "but yet you make small talk"...HE makes the small talk, I barely even answer his questions or respond to his comments.

And Just_Another_Flemming, I know you asked about my mother. She isn't in the picture. She passed away when I was a little kid.

But, you guys are right. It's time to put an end to the excuses which is why I've decided that I'm going to talk to my dad today. No more excuses.

Good for you!