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Lexx50 · Jul 17, 2010, 05:48 PM

I'm in love with a married man and I didn't mean for this to happen. I can't stop thinking about him. We haven't had sex... yet, but it will happen soon. He came to my home and he wanted me to perform oral sex on him and I declined, only because he had been drinking and he had been out all night and I did not feel like being used that way. He hasn't been back since then and that has been three weeks. I still want him, badly and deeply. I called him a few days ago but he has not returned my call. I really love this man. What should I do?

J_9 · Jul 17, 2010, 05:52 PM

You leave him alone. He's off limits because he is married.

Cat1864 · Jul 17, 2010, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by Lexx50;2439963He came to my home and he wanted me to perform oral sex on him and [B

I declined[/B], only because he had been drinking and he had been out all night and I did not feel like being used that way. He hasn't been back since then and that has been three weeks. I still want him, badly and deeply. I called him a few days ago but he has not returned my call. I really love this man. What should I do?

Drunk or sober all he would be doing is using you 'that way' because he is already committed to another person.

Hopefully, he has already sobered up and realized how big of a mistake he almost made. Hopefully, he and his wife are fixing their relationship.

Stay out of his life. Stop calling him. Leave him alone. Let the fantasy of being with him go. Find someone who is available.

Kitkat22 · Jul 17, 2010, 07:21 PM

Leave him alone. He is off limits and you need to tell him so. If you let this happen, drunk or sober he'll regret it and start avoiding you.

Let the wife take care of his sexual needs .

martinizing2 · Jul 17, 2010, 07:23 PM

Comes over drunk and wants a bj. You refuse and don't hear from him for 3 weeks.
He is married.

Do you really need someone to smack you in the back of the head and ask you what you're thinking?

It should be obvious that you will be nothing more than a sex toy , used ,hurt and cast aside. But if misery is your thing , this is it!

Fr_Chuck · Jul 17, 2010, 07:46 PM

This is not love and this is sexual partner. He is married, so gay, straight or what ever married is married, so when he gets divorce you can start dating him. But it does not sound like he wants a date

Oddboots · Jul 17, 2010, 09:51 PM

What should you do? Stop being an idiot.

Getting some self respect would be a good start.

Clough · Jul 18, 2010, 12:39 AM

Hi, Lexx50!

No question here. He's off-limits to you!

If he was drunk, then he wasn't in his right and rational mind. People can do really stupid things when they're drunk.

Thanks!

Lexx50 · Jul 18, 2010, 04:19 AM

Thanks everyone! All of you have said essentially the same thing and I know the correct answer is to leave him alone. And I will. The emotions have to be dealt with. Thanks again!!

Just_Another_Lemming · Jul 18, 2010, 04:58 AM

Lexx50, I am very glad you are heeding the advice here and not arguing with everyone, which does happen on occasion.

All of us want to be loved and we all deserve it. You deserve it. Thankfully, you are clear headed enough to recognize this guy isn't the right one for you. If you feel yourself starting to weaken and are tempted to contact him again, just keep in mind that he has pointedly avoided you for weeks & the only time he was willing to make a sexual connection was when he was completely drunk. Up until today, you have fed his ego. He was simply bi-curious because you pretty much offered yourself up on a platter to him. He only acted on it when he was completely drunk. I am glad you had your wits about you that night and made the right decision to stop it before it went too far. The two of you really are not as emotionally connected as you may think. You may be, but he is definitely not. The guy is an opportunist. So, you need to help yourself here. Stop calling him and do not respond if he attempts to contact you. Your feelings for this man will eventually subside.

Please make a concerted effort to find someone who is without a doubt, single and gay. That is one of the basic foundations you will need to start building a life with someone. I wish you only happiness in your life.
You should too.

Jake2008 · Jul 18, 2010, 07:11 AM

He has obviously led you to believe that he is interested, or he wouldn't have shown up at your door for sex. What he's interested in, is an affair.

It matters not who the party is, it is just unfortunate that he has given you reason to think he is interested.

While he is married, he is off limits. There can be no compromise in that, otherwise you are setting yourself up to be used. I really admire you in a way that you did say no to him, because you have some integrity, in that you made it clear you won't be used in that way.

"That way", meaning all he will probably ever want is the odd one night stand with you, for purely sexual purposes.

We have all been attraced to people at one time or another, and wished that we could be with that person. Nobody is immune to that. The key in not messing up your life, is to realize that no matter how you feel about him, he is not good for you, and will not ever be yours. Especially since he is in a committed relationship.

The feelings will pass, and if you let them, you will be happy that you didn't fall into the trap of giving him what he wants, thinking you can have an actual relationship with him.