[ann1960]

I feel so alone,I'm almost 50 yrs cannot hack this life anymore. My daughter treats me like a piece of s--t, I can see the hatred in her eyes, it is destriying me. I don't want to get out of bed , rarely eat, nomoney to cover bills, giving to family has left me destitude.

[J_9]

#1, Stop giving to family. It's time you try to enjoy yourself.
#2, Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Are you in counseling?

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Ann, I am deeply sorry you are so depressed. It appears a combination of things have brought you to the point you are at now. Turning 50 this year is an additional contributing factor. A lot of the things that you are seeing & feeling are really only your perception (regarding the hatred in your daughter's eyes). She may get angry at you but she doesn't hate you.

You need to understand that committing suicide is a very selfish act. You leave everyone you have touched in your life confused and upset. That is NOT a legacy that you want to leave behind. You want people to feel love in their hearts for you when they remember you.

I am echoing J_9's question:
Are you in counseling? If not, you need to seek help NOW. Check your local yellow pages. There is a section in the front called Community Services. If you look under Mental Health, there will be a number of local places to contact. Pick one and call. If that is too much for you at this moment, please, call 1-800-SUICIDE. They will listen to you and help you through this. They will also assist you in finding some local free counseling. So many people are going through what you are going through now. Take advantage of your community services that are offered for people who have lost their jobs and are at their wit's end.

[ann1960]

I am in counseling a long time. Trust me when I say she genuinely hates me, I know I have been on the receiving end of it for years. Im not sure if she's worth me killing myself over her

[ann1960]

This problem is going on for years and years

[J_9]

Nothing is worth killing yourself over.

If your daughter is that cruel, cut off communication with her.

[Just_Another_Lemming]

Honestly, NO ONE is worth anyone killing themselves over. Not sure if the wording came out right but you know what I am saying here.

If you have been in counseling for years and you are hitting your breaking point as you appear to be doing, then your counselor is doing a crappy job. Sometimes, it can take two, three, or more times to find the counselor/therapist who is rignt for us. I strongly urge you to call that number I posted above and get a referral for a new counselor. Please.

[Fr_Chuck]

So she hates you, just stop any contact with her what so ever and worry about you.

[ann1960]

It looks like if I'm going to survive atall I need to stop trying to contact her. I love her but she has ripped the heart out of me and danced on it. Thank you all so much

[J_9]

Sometimes, as much as we hate to, for our own well being, we need to cut ties with loved ones for whatever reason.

You have raised her to the best of your ability. If she does not love you, and treats you this way, it's for the best that you cut all ties with her. Sometimes tough love is the best love.

[Eefchan]

You are lacking something here dear ann. What is the reason for your daughter hating you? If you wouldn't mind me asking. Because by knowing, you can consider prons and solve it to be harmonious or in good terms with your daughter, yes? However, I don't think killing yourself is the greatest answer to escape your problems. Like what Matt Johnson said, "You can't destroy your problems, by destroying yourself. Death is not the answer, for your soul may burn in hell." I think you know what I mean about that. You may have problems, but you are not the only one. Some people out there have more bigger problems than you have under your sleeve, but they keep faith and hope, open for a new day. You should be like this too. I'm not saying that you haven't tried hoping and looking forward to a new bright day, but that will come my friend, so don't you worry. Don't go there yet. You don't know what might happen if you die. No don't tell yourself that everything will be all right if you die, that your daughter will be happy if you die. How would you know that? You are dead remember? This is only an obstacle, and remember this, God will not give you a burden that you cannot handle. So having said that, you will surely pass whatever you are experiencing, you just need help. You may feel unloved and unwanted, but you're never alone in your life if you have faith and hope... God has always and will always be by your side. I hope this helps! Good luck!

[Nikkigirl2002]

Not a counselor, but I've been to many. I've also been to many doctors for many years. About twenty or more years. Sometimes people are not honest with doctors or counselors, and they get the bad rap for it. Sometimes, as in my case I was using my own medication to 'help' my problems. Alcohol and self prescribed medicines given me by doctors who would give me what I wanted. I was my problem. Denial of my drinking was my problem. Until I gave up the booze and any medicine that alters my thinking; until I admitted my drinking problem, nothing and no one could help me. I was pitiable, because it looked as if there was no answer for me. I had to come to a place where I took a look at myself and admitted that I was the problem. If someone is hurting me, it is usually something I am allowing to happen. Otherwise we can usually take things into the proper perspective and take care of it. Adults, (people of age who can get out of bad situations... ) that is who I am mostly speaking to. We are not alone in the world. If we have a problem, it is our responsibility to find help for ourselves. Wallowing in it, especially with drugs or alcohol will not answer the question, it creates another problem. There is a lot of help for drug and alcohol use. The only block to that help is within the denial of the individual. Ng